So, it’s Thursday and I left work early ’cause I’m sick. My head feels like it’s ready to explode it’s so full of stuff. I can’t stop sneezing.  Thankfully, it’s in my head and not in my chest, but I feel miserable. I stopped and got some medicine, not that I expect it will do any good, but who knows.

I’m hoping that Izzy can find a ride home, but if not,  I’ll have to go out and get her, but that’s okay. I’ve felt worse. Okay, so I just texted Izzy and I’ll have to pick her up, so let’s see what I can get done before I have to leave.

Well, by the looks of things, your expiration date is not mandatory information.

Does anyone even know what that means anymore?

Got an important Notice from Lynn:

My goal is to get in and out as quickly as possible. I could walk past my own family members and never notice them 

That reminds me so much of Izzy. When she gets excited about something she’ll say to me, “Bro, you … ____” Whatever. And I will say to her, “Hey, I’m not your Bro.” So the other day she started down the same path but remembered what I said and started out with, “Girl, you really … ___” 

I laughed so hard. What’s wrong with “Dad”? She does call me Dad, but it comes out like Dayad. She’s such a weird kid. I love her to death.

A Dog’s Diary

7:30am: Invaders! The people who live next door came out into their yard, obviously getting ready to lay siege to our house. Snarling and barking, I let them know in no uncertain terms that I was prepared to tear them from limb to limb if they came any closer, and was able to repel the invasion. This is an almost daily occurrence; you’d think they’d learn. My master added his voice to the fray as well, yelling angrily. I am sure the people couldn’t hear him, but it was nice of him to lend his support.

10:00am: I was forced to move, as the patch of sun in which I was lying had, for some reason, slid over a few feet. It’s not easy being a dog.

1:00pm: I have the most thoughtful master in the world! While it’s true he left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat for me on the kitchen counter. It was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish he’d skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my teeth. The roast was delicious, though frozen in the center. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard beef is hardly my idea of a delicacy.

2:00pm: Most unpleasant experience was when my master returned home and was furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering my present. He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other debris and raving in a most irrational fashion.. I’m sorry, but he should know that I can’t eat that stuff; it makes my stomach upset. When he began rolling up a newspaper I realized he’d lost all reason and bolted for the front door, which was fortunately open just a crack.

4:00pm: Spent the afternoon with the girls. A most productive day; I was able to mark territory for two blocks. “Drip ’til you drop” is our motto. We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat scraps and bread served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids. Ran into that rogue Sebastian, who lifted his leg with irritating nonchalance — does he think I don’t know about his obsession with Muffy, that snotty schnauzer from down the road? Last month there wasn’t a male in the neighborhood who couldn’t be found outside her fence, and Sebastian was at the head of the pack. I let him know I want nothing more to do with him.

5:00pm: What a treat! On the way home a flock of ravens drew my attention to a squirrel that had been flattened by an automobile. After several days in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver. I rolled in the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I positively radiated eau de roadkill. Let Sebastian drool over Muffy — he doesn’t know what he’s missing.

6:00pm: Of all the times to get a bath! My master, still in a foul mood, made me stand outside in the chill air while he shampooed and rinsed me several times. Every time I shook the water from my fur he, too, became drenched, and in the end he was shivering. Why in the world does he do stuff like this?

If Zombies attack, go to Costco. There’s cement walls, years worth of food and tons of supplies, plus Zombies can’t get in without a membership.

I got caught up in a really good book last night.

I didn’t stop coloring until 2 a.m. this morning.

I sit in the driveway with the heater running, drinking coffee, smoking a cigar and reading a book until the the windshield clears itself. Why should I stand out in the cold?

Perspective is everything…

Hmmm…I found a strange piece of plastic on the floor that looks like it broke  off of something, but I have no idea what. Better save it in the junk drawer until I die.

Researchers confirm that during childbirth, women feel almost the same amount of pain a man feels when he’s stuck walking behind a slow person.

I personally think it’s hilarious when people become rich by writing “anti-capitalist” books and selling “anti-capitalist” merchandise. 

I thought the word “Caesarean” started with the letter S.

But when I  looked it up in the dictionary, it was in the C section.

That’s it my friends.

Turns out, Izzy got a ride home, so I got to sit here and finish this off. Now, I can study and maybe get a little rest.

Until Monday…