Holy cow! Two-thousand, five-hundred Dragon Laffs! What a way to start the new year! In June, it will be 20 years. 

Twenty years!

128 issues a year.

11 issues a month.

3 issues a week.

On the average, of course.

You know, when I started this gig, I would have never figured on hitting this mark. It just goes to show you how much good friends and family influence your efforts. In other words …

Love you guys.  Let’s get to this thing, shall we?

A family was having dinner on Mother’s Day. For some reason the mother was unusually quiet. Finally the husband asked what was wrong. 

“Nothing,” said the woman.

Not buying it, he asked again. “Seriously, what’s wrong?” 

“Do you really want to know? Well, I’ll tell you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother’s Day, you don’t even tell me so much as “Thank you.” 

“Why should I?” he said. “Not once in 15 years have I gotten a Father’s Day gift.” 

“Yes,” she said, “but I’m their real mother.”

 

 

REAL QUESTIONS ASKED IN SCIENCE CLASSES


Are the rivers flowing up the mountain or down the mountain?

Is that the ocean? (Asked while on a field trip to Marine Lab Beach on Guam (a small island in the Pacific).

How can the river be flowing north? That’s uphill!

How do I get water into this beaker?

 

 

Yup, AI generated…just having fun.

 

 

There was an athlete who wanted to accept a scholarship to a well-known college. To be awarded it, however, he had to pass a physical, since it was an athletic scholarship. 

When Tim found out about the scholarship, he called his friends all to come over to his house to help him celebrate. They got plastered, and several of the friends had “donated” marjuana. 

The next morning, realizing that he would be asked to provide a urine sample, he knew the marijuana would show up in it. He had a brainstorm!! 

Calling his girlfriend on the phone, he said, “Hey, Patti — I need a favour. Can you give me a small jar of urine? I’ll need it for the physical tomorrow, and we kinda let things go here.” 

Patti agreed, and within an hour, she came over, carrying a small mayo jar of yellow liquid. 

Tim thanked her, and he proceeded to take the “sample” to the college physical with him the next day. When the doctor asked him for a sample, he went into the restroom, and poured the urine Patti had given him into the vial. 

All was fine — he thought!!

Two days later, the athletic director at the college called Tim, and said, “I’m afraid we have to withdraw the scholarship offer.” 

“WHY?” asked Tim.

“We just cannot,” said the A.D., “have a pregnant man on our football team!” 

 

 

This was ALL IZZY.  She wears shorts year-round, is convinced there is something wrong with her and orders things online she doesn’t need. She actually sent me this meme.

 

 

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. 

After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, “What was the problem?” 

“The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” he explained. “It took us awhile to find a new pilot.”

A chicken walks into a library and up to the desk.

“Buk”, says the chicken.

So the librarian gives him a book. The chicken leaves with the book and returns five minutes later.

“Buk,” he says.

So, the librarian gives him another book. This goes on about eight more times, until finally the librarian leaves the library and goes outside on break in back where there’s a pond.

The chicken is standing on the edge of the pond tossing the books to a frog on a lily pad.

The chicken says, “Buk, Buk” and the frog says, “Reddit, Reddit”.

I’ll show myself out.

Me: Are Medusa’s pubes snakes, too? 

Accountant: I meant questions about your tax return.

 

 

More AI fun!

 

 

Interviewer: What’s your greatest strength? 

Me: Getting out of corn mazes. 

Interviewer: Uhm…okay. And your greatest weakness? 

Me: I keep finding myself unexpectedly in corn mazes. 

Interviewer: [Realizes he’s in a corn maze] What the hell? 

Me: Guess the is my time to shine.

 

 

On holiday in Spain I saw a sign saying English speaking doctor. I thought what a great idea! We should have them in our country!

Costco Cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for? 

Me: First of all, I wasn’t looking for any of this stuff.

 

 

I had this one night stand, and I felt so bad about it…

So, the next morning, I raced out and bought another one for the other side of my bed.

And that’s it for #2500.  Thanks for being here for all it my friends. May God Bless you and keep you for the next 2500!