Well, as I said in the last issue’s closing, I’m jumping right into the next episode so as to get as much done as I can since things are coming to a head.

Okay, so since I’ve written that first paragraph, I’ve gotten new WiFi service, picked Izzy up from work, my new electric snow shovel showed up from Amazon and I assembled that, I wrapped some presents, started the bike for ten minutes … I’m now worn OUT!

I also bought a GIANT surge protector to straighten out my battery charging area.  Fixed that up as well.

Anyway, so that was me this afternoon….hope you had as much of a productive day as I did. So now …

 

How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?

She fell out of the tree.

Hey, don’t blame me!  I’m just passing them on!

 

 

A customer called our airline’s reservation office to pay for his ticket with a credit card.

As is our normal policy with all customers, my co-worker asked him:

“Would you please spell the name as it appears on your card, sir?”

The customer replied, “Oh, sure! V – I – S – A.”

This last one was recently published on our EM Website at work, so I thought I’d share it with you guys.  It’s pretty raw and basic, but it’s a really good place to start if you don’t already have a bugout bag.

 

 

This is the electric snow shovel that I bought and it looks like I may get a chance to use it real soon.  It’s snowing and the temperature is dropping.  Right now it’s down to 17 degrees with a windchill of 3 and it’s just gonna get colder.

 

 

Petey was a snake, only so big. Petey lived in a pit with his mother.

One day Petey was hissing in the pit when his mother said, “Petey, don’t hiss in the pit, go outside the pit to hiss.”

So Petey went outside of the pit to hiss. Petey was hissing all around when he finally leaned over and hissed in the pit.

Petey’s mother heard Petey hissing in the pit and said, “Petey, if you must hiss in a pit, go over to Mrs. Pott’s pit and hiss in her pit.

Petey went over to Mrs. Pott’s pit to hiss in her pit, but Mrs. Pott was not at home so he hissed in her pit anyway. While Petey was hissing in Mrs Pott’s pit Mrs. Pott came home and found Petey hissing in her pit.

She said, “Petey, if you must hiss in a pit, don’t hiss in my pit; go to your own pit and hiss.”

This made Petey very sad, and he cried all the way home.

When Petey got home, his mother saw him crying and said, “Petey, what’s the matter?”

Petey said, “I went over to Mrs. Pott’s to hiss in her pit but Mrs. Pott was not at home, so I hissed in her pit anyway. Mrs. Pott came home and found me hissing in her pit and said, “Petey, if you must hiss in a pit go to your own pit and hiss, don’t hiss in my pit.”

This made Petey’s mother very angry and she said, “Why that mean old Lady! I knew Mrs. Pott when she didn’t have a pit to hiss in!

There was this physicist who was in the habit of getting home quite late. 

One time, he came home at 2:30 a.m. with a torn shirt, lipstick on his collar, hair messed up, and generally looking like a wreck. 

His wife caught him coming in the door and demanded to know why he came home so late. 

His replied, “Well, after I left work today, a few friends and I went out to the bar for a few drinks. 

We met up with some rather good-looking young women and started to drink to excess. 

Things just kept happening, as you can well see. 

I sobered up enough to note how late it was, so I rushed home.” 

She screamed, “You liar! You were in the lab again, weren’t you?” 

The Perks of Being Over 60


Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

No one expects you to run — anywhere.

People call at 9 p.m. and ask, “Did I wake you?”

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

Things you buy now won’t wear out.

You can eat dinner at 4 p.m.

You can live without sex (though not without glasses).

You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You sing along with elevator music.

Your eyes won’t get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the Met. Office.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them, either.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.

Who was Alexander Graham Kowalski?

 

He was the first Telephone Pole

 

 

Did you know that “T-Shirt” is actually an abbreviated version of “Tyrannosaurus Shirt”?

Because of the short arms.

 

 

And that’s it, now I have snow to electrically shovel….(insert evil laughter here)

May the Good Lord Bless you all with Love and Happiness.