Well, back to a somewhat normal issue after all the special issues.  But soon, like probably starting with the next issue, I’ll have to start adding Christmas cartoons and memes because I have over 900 of them in my files. That doesn’t even count the new ones that you guys will be sending me.

Man, I love this job!

Especially when I get comments like this one from a new commenter: 

dinosaurunadulterated:  I just want to say … I love your sends, always a nice variety!!  So many fun giggles to make my day! Thanks for taking the time to do this…You Rock!

Now, I may not answer all of the comments that I get on the site and I’m not really sure that you guys can see the replies when I do reply, but I do read all of them, and I have to  tell you, that it’s comments like that, that make all this worthwhile.  It is nice to be appreciated for what you do.  Thanks Dino!

Now, before I get too maudlin, …

That’s another sign I need. Put it next to the one about ammo being expensive and we no longer fire a warning shot.

 

 

There’s no WAY that serial number is random!

 

 

Well, that’s about as blank as they come.

 

 

Return your shopping cart. How much of a true heathen do you have to be to leave your shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot?  It’s almost worse than littering.  With littering, it’s a casual disregard for anyone else. You’re just a slob who probably doesn’t even rinse their dirty dishes or helps with the chores around the house. But with a shopping cart, it’s a calculated snobbery. A purposeful assholery designed to prove your perceived self-importance.  Because you must move said shopping cart out of the way of YOUR vehicle, but can’t be bothered to keep it out of the way of other people’s vehicle or move it to the cart coral or back up to the store where it belongs because it’s … what?  Too much trouble?  Too far out of the way?  You know where I see the fewest carts?  Near the handicap parking spots.  Think about that for a minute. So, if someone who’s entitled to a handicap spot can manage to put their cart up, but you can’t … ?

Okay, I’m done with that pet peeve.  We won’t even get started on serving staff.

Understanding Engineers Lingo

Percussive maintenance – I hit it and it started working 

Cycle power to the panel – Turn it off and on again 

High impedance air gap – I forgot to plug it in 

Organic grounding – I got electrocuted 

Thermally reconfigured – It melted 

Kinetic disassembly – It blew up 

No kidding…

 

 

Can’t prove it by us.

 

 

“You and your husband don’t seem to have an awful lot in common,” said the new tenant’s neighbour. “Why on earth did you get married?”

“I suppose it was the old business of ‘opposites attract’,” was the reply.

“He wasn’t pregnant and I was.”

A married man had only one complaint: his wife was always nursing sick birds.

One February evening, he came home to find a raven with a splint on its wing sitting in his favorite chair. On the dining room table, instead of dinner, there was a feverish eagle pecking at an aspirin. In the kitchen, his wife was comforting a shivering little wren she found out in the snow.

The furious husband strode over to where his wife was toweling down the cold little bird. “I can’t take it any more! We’ve got to get rid of all of these #(@ birds!”

The wife held up her hand and cut him off in mid-sentence.

“Please, Dear, no cuss words in front of the chilled wren.”

My 17 year old daughter, Steph who had just received her provisional diving licence offered to drive us to church.

After a wild ride, we finally reached our destination.

Steph’s mother got out of the car and said, “Thank you.”

“Anytime,” Steph replied.

As my wife slammed the door, she said, “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to God.”

Old man on park bench crying. A concerned pedestrian enquires, “why are you crying?”

Old man: “I just celebrated my 85th birthday, and I got married yesterday to an 18 year old nyphomaniac blonde beauty who is all a man
could ask for”.

Pedestrian: “Why are you crying ?”

Old man: “I don’t remember where I live.”

Shopping carts

 

 

Marg: I’ll tell you one thing! I’m never going out with my friend Stephanie again! 

Gail: Why on earth not? You two are best friends!

Marg: Yeah, well, last night a good-looking man walked up to our table at the bar, said hello, and told us his name. 
I told him that my name is Marg, and introduced my friend Stephanie. He said, “Wow! On a one to ten scale, you two ladies make a twenty!” 

I said, “Really?”

He said, “Yeah! Your friend Stephanie here is definitely a 15!”

When you walk away from your problems, be sure to give them over to God.

 

 

This is one of the worst things that I’ve ever heard of! I’d have gotten his name and his company and filed a formal complaint at the very least.

There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.

Edith Wharton (1862 – 1937) 

A college student has been thrown out of his apartment for not paying his rent, so he sends an e-mail to his father.

“Please send money. I’m in the street.”

The father replies, “Have no money. Watch out for cars.”

 

 

  I know a LOT of people for which this would be a deal breaker of EVER going to Australia.  

 

 

Bernie and Esther were not the most religious Jews and in fact they really only went to Temple once a year.

As they were leaving the Temple, the Rabbi said, “Bernie, it sure would be nice to see you and Esther here more than once a year!”

“I know,” replied Bernie, “but at least we keep the Ten Commandments.”

“That’s great,” the Rabbi said. “I’m glad to hear that you keep the Commandments.”

“Yep,” Bernie said proudly, “Esther keeps six of them and I keep the other four.”

And that’s it for this one my friends.

With this weekend being what it is, I’m going to try to jump right into the next issue.  I’m hoping you enjoyed this one as much as I did.  Be well my dear friends and may our dear Lord Bless you with Love and Happiness, Strength and Comfort.