So we got our first snow of the season today.  It’s snowing right now. They are calling for up to 2 inches by morning. I guess that’s a good thing for us not working.

They are also doing a rare Sunday night Senate meeting (yes, it’s now Sunday night) and “test vote” to possibly open back up the government. Am I skeptical? Does a dragon burn down villages?

I have the news on muted in the background and they have a scroll up and it says FED. GOV. SHUTDOWN 39 Days, 16 Hours, 47 Minutes, 15 Seconds. 

PLEASE!

Tomorrow is the day before Veterans Day. They need to get their heads out of their butts. While we wait to hear …

They’re having WAY TOO MUCH FUN!!!

 

Okay, is this instructional?

Friggin’ Pete sent us this next one:

I’m not gonna freeze this winter, look what I picked up for only $250! I can’t wait to fire this baby up!

Fake news.  My brother’s ex-wife upon waking on a normal morning before putting on her makeup. 

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end.

Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!”

“Really?” he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store.

A clerk answers and Tom says, “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?”

The clerk replies, “Canned or frozen?”

Stupid should hurt. Why is it that we stopped making stupid hurt for not only our kids, but for our fellow adults? No cash bonds are the perfect example of letting stupid not hurt.

 

Yeah, that’s what it is.

Rosie, the pretty, attractive nurse in charge of the cardiac desk, took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.

“Doc, you got to help me,” Ro pleaded. “It has gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with them. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week.”

“I see,” nodded the psychiatrist. “And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your willpower and resolve in this matter.”

“For God’s sake, NO!” exclaimed Ro.

“I want you to fix it so I won’t feel guilty and depressed afterward.”

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl.  Right away he began flattering her outrageously.  The girl liked the young man, but she was taken aback by his fast and ardent pitch.  She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage. 

“Look,” she said.  “We only met a half hour ago.  There is no way you could be so sure.  We don’t know a thing about each other.” 

“You’re wrong,” the young man declared.  “For the past 5 years I’ve been working in the bank where your father has his accounts. 

New Orleans lawyer sought an Mortgage loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. 

The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the mortgage company, he received the following reply (actual letter):

“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. 

While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. 

Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter):

“Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. 

I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. 

I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed mortgage company bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. 

The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. 

The good queen, Isabella, being pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the mortgage company took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus’ expedition.

Now the Pope, as I’m sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. 

Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. 

God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the mortgage company. 

I hope you at the mortgage company find God’s original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have our loan?”

The loan was approved.

Truer words have NEVER been written!

I wouldn’t know…I eat things that eat vegetables. 

 

Thanks to Joe for one of the most comprehensive lists I’ve seen:

Murphy’s Technology Laws 

You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track. 
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. 
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand. 
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm. 
The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord. 
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure.

All great discoveries are made by mistake. 
Always draw your curves, then plot your reading. 
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. 
All’s well that ends. 
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost. 
The first myth of management is that it exists. 
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection. 
New systems generate new problems. 
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. 
We don’t know one millionth of one percent about anything. 
Any given program, when running, is obsolete. 
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. 
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make. 
The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state. 
Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day’s work. 
Some people manage by the book, even though they don’t know who wrote the book or even what book. 
The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most. 
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done. 
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.

A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works. 
If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number. 
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a “Pearl Harbour File.” 
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

If you can’t understand it, it is intuitively obvious. 
The more cordial the buyer’s secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order. 
In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totaled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.

Fill what’s empty. Empty what’s full. And scratch where it itches.
All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door. 
The only perfect science is hind-sight.
Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling. 
If it’s not in the computer, it doesn’t exist. 
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. 
When all else fails, read the instructions. 
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

Everything that goes up must come down.- Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner. 
Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way. 
Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it. 
The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management. 
Any attempt to print Murphy’s laws will jam the printer. 

FINALLY!  Late last night the Senate finally took the first step in opening back up the government! It’s liable to take a few days, some people are saying up to next week.  Today, as I write this, it is Monday, 10 November, the day before Veterans Day, but you should be reading this on Saturday the 15th. So, by the time you are reading this we should know when I will be back to work! 

And more IMPORTANTLY, when I will be getting paid! I’m telling you folks, I am right down to the bare bones here. I can make it another month or so if I have to … I have plans in place, I’m not a 

but those are plans that I don’t want to have to dump into, if you know what I mean.

And since we’re doing updates, remember this picture:

Many, many of you campers piped up and identified it as the Pocket Fisherman from RONCO. Ron Ropeil’s famous (infamous?) company from the 70’s.  Great job guys.  I got it wrong.

 

Aussie Pete or Friggin’ Pete? Either one, right!

Another one from Joe…

Murphy’s Laws on work 

Everything can be filed under ‘miscellaneous’.

Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.

To err is human, to forgive is not company policy.

Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.

There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.

If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.

At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.

No one gets sick on Wednesdays.

The longer the title, the less important the job.

Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

Success is just a matter of luck, just ask any failure. 

My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve her irritation… 
When she returned home she informed him that she had purchased ten new dresses… 

“Ten!” he hollered, “What could any woman want with ten new dresses??” 

My mom calmly replied, “Ten new pairs of shoes.”

Sigh…those were the days…

 

Click on this link. Some of these pictures are WILD! If clicking on the title doesn’t work, try clicking HERE.

Disasters Objectively Majestic in Their Hilarity

And that’s it my friends. I’m going to try and get a couple of these issues ahead because when I go back to work I think I’m going to be a LITTLE busy getting things caught up. May our dear Lord bless you and keep you until we meet again.