Today is day 27 for the shut-down…for me.  I’m hoping that by the time you read this that we’re back at work, but if not, by the time you read this it will be day 34! One day short of the record.

I hate to say this, truly I do, but I heard at church yesterday from someone that they had heard that this could last to the end of the year!

Lord, please no.

I’m watching the news…NewsMax…which, by the way, is a Christian news source…and they just said that we may have to give up New York City.  It seems the Mamdani is way ahead in the polls and in early voting.  I’m not sure if, by the time you’re reading this, we’ll know for sure or not, but what a HUGE mistake that would be. I’m sure I don’t need to go into all the reasons for THAT!

Anyway, I just want to go back to work. I’m almost 67 years old and here I am saying that I want to go back to work.  I SHOULD be saying that I’m enjoying the daylights out of my retirement, but

THAT’S

NOT

ME.

What have I done since the furlough? Well, I have done my usual ministry work, I haven’t ridden as much as I’ve wanted to since it’s gotten colder, I haven’t written like I’ve wanted to due to depression, heck I haven’t even finished cutting up the big tree branch in the backyard. I’ve cleaned a lot. I’ve read a lot. I’ve watched a LOT of news. So, in other words, in some ways, I feel like I’ve wasted 4 weeks.

At the same time, I feel like I’ve needed the break. So, the R & R was appreciated, but it’s time to saddle up and go back to work. I got bills to pay! And you know what? If we’re going to get paid anyway, WHY AREN’T WE AT WORK?!?! 

Okay, Dragon Rant over. 

I got news for you, that’s the same look you’d get from about any vet.

 

Oh how true that is! So very, very true!

These sentences actually appeared in a church bulletin or were announced in a church service!

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4 P.M. there will be an ice cream social. Will ladies giving milk, please come early.

Wednesday the Ladies Literary Society will meet. Mrs. Johns will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed” accompanied by the Pastor.

Thursday at 5 P.M. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers will please meet the Minister in his study.

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Jackson to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

On Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the expenses of the new carpeting. All wishing to do something on the carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

A songfest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Adams.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”

Our next song is “Angels We Have Heard Get High.”

Computer Terms

State-of-the-art –
Any computer you can’t afford.

Obsolete –
Any computer you own.

Microsecond –
The time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.

GUI –
What your computer becomes after spilling your coffee on it. (pronounced “gooey”)

Keyboard –
The standard way to generate computer errors.

Mouse –
An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Floppy –
The state of your wallet after purchasing a computer.

Portable Computer –
A device invented to force businessmen to work at home, on vacation, and on business trips.

Disk Crash –
A typical computer response to any critical deadline.

System Update –
A quick method of trashing ALL of your software.

If you grew up in the 70’s…

You know exactly who was a Bullfrog.

 

I got caught up in a really good book last night.

I didn’t stop coloring until 2 am this morning.

 

Sucking someone’s finger is supposed to be seductive, but my dentist just seemed pretty upset.

 

My wife told me that I should put on a clean pair of socks every day.

By Friday, I couldn’t get my shoes on.

 

A popcorn necklace is a nice way to tell someone you want them to be attacked by birds.

 

Green is my favorite color.

I like it better than blue and yellow combined.

Walmart is giving out FREE TURKEYS to anyone who can outrun security.

Do you know that AWESOME feeling when you climb into bed at night, fall right asleep, stay asleep all night, and wake up feeling refreshed and ready to take on the day?

Yeah, me neither!

 

My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and irritable bowel syndrome.

It worries the crap out of me.

 

Mean people don’t bother me a bit.

Mean people who disguise themselves as nice people bother me a lot.

 

That’s it my friends. The end of another one. Not sure what else to say other than