Day 13 of my captivity. Today, the hostages were released by Hamas. Although, at this point in time, they only came up with 4 of the 20 bodies of the dead captives. They released less than 30 and they get 2,000 in return. Now, let’s see if they disarm like they are supposed to. I’d say it’s highly doubtful.

Then, they have to go through and destroy hundreds of miles of tunnels and underground cities. More doubt on my side.

We’ll see.

I am still just a week ahead. You guys should get this on Monday, the 20th. Two days ago, on Saturday, or on my timeline, this coming Saturday, Izzy and I are supposed to go to the Ark Encounter in Williamstown, KY

Really excited about it. Although, right now, Izzy isn’t feeling well, I hope she is feeling better by the time we leave…especially since it’s a 3 1/2 hour drive there and another 3 1/2 drive back. We are leaving at 6 am and aren’t supposed to be back until 10 pm. 

So, looking forward to THAT! In the meantime, let’s move on to the fun stuff.

 

One of my favorite pictures. The attitude of the horses is perfect.

 

I did not know this! What a great history behind this!

 

Watch your thoughts, they become your words.

Watch your words, they become your actions.

Watch your actions, they become your habits.

Watch your habits, they become your character.

– Lao Tzu (571BC – ?)

This is such a PERFECT picture!

 

Did you hear about the angler who baited his hook with peanut butter?
All he would catch was jellyfish!

That’s me to a T!

 

Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his  education, but then asked him, “What is three times seven?”

“22,” Rick replied.

After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator and realized he wouldn’t get the job.

About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job. He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth but was still very curious.

The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, “Well, you were the closest.”

He also asked God to forgive His murders, gave salvation to the thief on the cross, and suffered for all our sins.

“We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails.”
– Dolly Parton

My wife shot me with the nail gun today…
She must think I’m a stud!

So a HUGE statement! Let’s pray the government back open again so that so many Americans are no longer hurt by so many politicians!

 

If drinking energy drinks causes short term memory loss, just imagine what drinking energy drinks would do.

After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn the piano, but it’s not an easy instrument to pick up.

A woman on a bus asked me, “Do you have any pets?”
I said, “Yes, a goldfish”.
She said, “Any hobbies?”
I said, He likes swimming!”.

I just inherited a dairy farm, which is not what I wanted, but I’m going to milk it for everything I can get.

I said to my wife this morning, “Why do we always argue about everything?”
– she replied, “Well, if I agreed with you, then we’d both be wrong”.

Someone stole all my lamps, and you’d think I’d be upset, but actually I’m delighted.

2 people are in Hospital after eating Lasagna containing 100% Horse Meat. They are said to be in a stable condition.

 I’ve started burying cash in the bush next to my house. It’s my hedge fund. 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I went into a shoe shop this morning and asked to see a pair of loafers. The salesperson brought down the general manager and the chief accountant.

My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. Jack and the beans talk!

Ya gotta hand it to short people.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

So I went to a really trendy nightclub last night. The doorman said to me: “Sorry mate, I can’t let you in, you’ve had too many!”
I said: “What, drinks?”
He said: “No, birthdays”.

The Silliest Inventions To Ever Receive A Patent

That sign bothers me in more than a few ways.

 

How to get rid of telemarketers

– Tell the telemarketer you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you some beer.
– Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
– Tell the telemarketer, “Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I’m not wearing any clothes.”
– Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. “Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how’s your momma?”
– Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up…louder… louder… LOUDER…
– Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
– If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

Like what’s going on RIGHT NOW!

 

Finland has closed its border.
Now no one can cross the Finnish line.

Sigh…me either…me either.

 

Three Spies are captured in London. One is German, one is French, and the other is Italian. 

First, they interrogate the German spy and after 3 hours of torture he talks and is thrown back into the cell with the others. 

Then the French spy is interrogated, and after about 8 hours of torture they get him to talk and throw him back with the others. 

Last, they interrogate the Italian spy and after 20 hours of torture and failing to make him say a word they give up for the day and throw him back with the others.

When he is back in the cell with the other spies asked him,  “how did you last that long without saying a word”?

Then the Italian man says, “I was trying to speak but they had my hands strapped down and I wasn’t able to move them”.

And again we come to the end of another issue my friends. I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. Until next time…