Day Two of the government shut-down and my own unpaid furlough.

I’m sitting in my living room watching as there is a Yom Kippur attack in England on a Synagogue.

The politicians are arguing and holding us hostage due to their own evil desires.

If it isn’t absolutely apparent that the devil is running rampant than we aren’t paying attention. So, here at Dragon Laffs, Inc. one of the things we do to combat the blind turnips    

is to laff.  So, grab your coffee, settle in and …

Hey! Me, too!

Two beefy men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done. As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them. As soon as they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van. I told them my fee was $45.

The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers first. Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car.

“What took you so long, son?” he asked.

“The man waited on everybody in the store before me,” the boy replied. “But I got even.”

“How?”

“I wound and set all the alarm clocks while I was waiting,” the youngster explained happily. “It’s going to be fun at eight o’clock.

It’s actually Thursday, but … okay.

One day a man drove his secretary home after she fell quite ill at work. Although this was an innocent  gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.

Later, that night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat.

Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That’s when he noticed his wife squirming around in her  seat. “Honey,” she asked, “have you seen my other shoe?”

Saw a sign at a store that said, “We treat you like family.”
I’m not going in there.

I had a girlfriend in college who was obsessed with counting numbers.
I wonder what she’s up to now???

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company. One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he’s lost.

Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction. The poodle thinks, “Oh, oh!”

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?”

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. “Whew!”, says the leopard, “That was close! That poodle nearly had me!”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!”

Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, “What am I going to do now?”, but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear. “Where’s that damn monkey?” the poodle says, “I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!”

On a beautiful sunny summer morning there were two cows in a field.
The first cow said “mooo” and the second cow said “baaaaaa.”
The first cow was surprised and asked the second cow, “Why did you say “baaaaa?”
The second cow replied, “I am learning a foreign language.”

As chaplain in a university residence hall, I am supposed to uphold all of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a kitten adopted me.

The freshmen in  my dorm kept my secret. They covered for me by calling my kitten “the Book,” since I had so many in my room.

One morning I was leaving the dorm with the kitten in a carrier. A student stopped me and asked, “Where are you taking the Book?”

I explained that I was taking the kitten to the vet. “She’s getting neutered today,” I told him.

“Hmmm,” the student responded, “no sequels.”

Day 3 of the shutdown and my furlough. I’m not worried yet since I predicted that this would last at least until Monday and today is only Friday. They are supposed to have another vote again today.

The thing that I find funny is that in the news you see how horrible the democrats are for causing the shutdown and then read in the mainstream media that “most Americans blame the republicans and Trump” for the shutdown. Now mind you, the news that I watch is Newsmax, which is definitely a Christian, right leaning news source … but that’s why I watch it. That, and the fact that it’s web based, since I don’t have cable.

I have a friend who is in the business of helping people who need help and like he said, this whole Medicare thing is about more than just giving healthcare to illegals. We both agreed that healthcare should not go to anyone who is here illegally…ever. (and no, I’m not saying that emergency medical care should ever be denied to anyone! But going to the emergency room because you’re sick and don’t have insurance and knowing that they HAVE to take care of you is not right either!) But, Medicare and Medicaid for OUR citizens are right and necessary for some people. Folks shouldn’t have to work 3 jobs just to afford healthcare. I was there. For 3 years I basically worked 4 jobs just to make ends meet and a lot of that was because I didn’t have health insurance.  

Gee Impish, how did you work 4 jobs? 

Because God blessed me with good friends and understanding people. My main job was as a dispatcher for the State police. I worked from 10pm to 6am. I then worked in the County jail part-time from 4pm to midnight but because the Sheriff understood my situation, on the nights that my shifts overlapped (which were most of them) and everyone was locked down by 9 pm, and the jail was literally 2 miles down the road from the State Police Post, I could leave at 9:45 pm to be there by 10pm. Then when I got off work at the Post at 6 am, I would go the next town over to Target by 6:30 ish to unload trucks to about 11-noon. Then go home, get a couple of hours of sleep and repeat. Now, I wouldn’t do all three every day because my schedules wouldn’t line up that way, but on the days when I had time, I would go into the Sheriff’s office and so some part-time hours (the 4th job) and transfer warrants from an old computer system to the new computer system that had to be done by hand. I averaged about 20 hours of sleep a week and I did that for 3 years. And I thanked God for giving me those jobs when I needed them at a time when jobs were pretty tough to come by. For 3 years I didn’t see my family, have a life or do anything except take care of my family and I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. But, Mary and I were strong and we did what we had to. Then I got the job I have now, at the lowest paid position in the office, and it paid almost as much as all of those put together, and had pretty good benefits.  And one of the first things they did was send me out of state for training for almost 4 months…lol.  But, that was nothing compared to what we had just been through.  Welcome back to the military. 

Okay, I got a little far-afield from the shutdown, the musing of an Impish Dragon.

Okay, real quick, talk about slanted news reporting. Two delta jets collide on the ground in NY. Could it be because the controllers are working and not being paid? Please! What does them not being paid have to do with it? Maybe because they are understaffed? Their equipment is old? They were not the best trained, DEI hires, or a myriad of other things, but the fact that we are in a government shutdown and not being paid probably didn’t have anything to do with it. 

Okay, back to the show.

See, that’s the difference between Godzilla and Dragons. We don’t eat, we raze!

As I get older, I notice that my wife and my hamstrings have a lot in common.
They’re both inflexible.

Yes, I do.

Times The Grim Reaper Had A Sense Of Humor

And that’s it, my friends.  Until next time, may Our Dear Father in Heaven Bless you with Love and Happiness, Strength and Comfort until we meet again.