Good morning Campers,

So this is either going to be a really short issue because I don’t have much time or a very long issue because they shut down the government and have a lot of time because I’ve been furloughed. 

It’s Tuesday night and the government has about 5 hours or so to not be fools.

So, while Impish awaits his future, let’s the rest of us…

I have SO MUCH Halloween stuff, I really ought to start adding it in now.

A Mouthful of Hilarious Cooking Memes for Amateur Chefs

A suspect was charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. In his defense he said, “I only meant to rough him up a bit”.

 I just opened the water bill and the electric bill at the same time. I was shocked!

Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had 2 candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.

I found a magic lamp today. A genie popped out and shouted: “You owe me three wishes!” I must have rubbed it the wrong way.

 I don’t blame mosquitoes, I know I taste good.

 “If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?”
“One dollar.”
“You don’t know your arithmetic.”
“You don’t know my father!”

Just invested in some ATM machines that only give out coins. I don’t know why no one has never thought of it before…it only makes cents.

Chocolate is vital for our survival. Dinosaurs didn’t have chocolate and look what happened to them…

I’m writing a novel about taking a boat ride on a very breezy day in Venice. It’s called; “Gondola with the Wind”.

Doctor gave me 3 days to give up drinking…I chose May 22, July 18th and October 1st.

Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.

A truck carrying wooden shoes from the Netherlands has crashed on highway I-80. Police say the road is clogged.

Where does Sir Lancelot go to party? A knight club.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. Why did the woman give her fiancé wool socks? She didn’t want him to get cold feet.

A man went to his lawyer and stated, “I would like to make a will but I don’t know exactly how to go about it.” 

The lawyer said, “No problem, leave it all to me.” 

The man looked somewhat upset as he said, “Well, I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I’d like to leave a little to my children, too!”

The catholic priest in a small town had become very perturbed, and he decided to lay it on the line to the congregation. “Brothers and sisters,” he said solemnly. “It has come to my attention that immorality is rampant in our fair town. To be specific, it is being said there is not one virgin left. This vile lie must and shall be refuted. In order to do so, I ask every virgin in the congregation to rise.”

Not a woman stirred. “I understand the modesty that would make a young lady hesitate to announce her condition publicly,” the priest intoned. “But it is necessary to do so. Young women, I ask those who are truly virgins to rise.”

And still not a woman stirred.

Wrath now moved the priest. “Will you, for the fear of experiencing a small shame, incur a great one?

I ask you in the name of Mother Mary herself. Let all virgins stand!”

And as his thunderous tones died away, a young lady, far in the rear, with a baby in her arms, rose bashfully.

The preacher stared with astonishment at her. “Young woman, I have asked for virgins to stand.”

“Father,” the young lady answered indignantly, “do you really expect this six-month-old child to stand by herself?”

What a great picture!!!!

My friends, there is so much incredible truth in that little meme that it is worth contemplating over and over again.

I may not be around in 2084…
But at least I know there’s the possibility I may still be voting!

Why? Are you a registered Democrat?

The cost of Halloween Candy is up 13.1% since last year, and to make matters worse, they’re giving us less in every package.
For example, Good ‘n Plenty is now Not Bad ‘N A Couple.
The $100,000 Bar is now the $27 Bite.
Then, of course, there’s the new 2 Musketeers bar.

So…it’s Wednesday…

and it’s noon…

and I’m at home…

and I’m on furlough…

and I’m not being paid.

Now, we usually get paid back for time we miss…the key word being usually, but in the current scheme of things, there’s no guarantee.  I, of course, told my guys not to worry about it, although this coming paycheck will probably be short, and we don’t get paid until we go back to work. These things don’t normally last more than a couple of days, but since I have been a civilian government employee there have been 3 of them, 1 of which was the longest at 34 days in 2018 and one other one in 2013 which was the fourth longest at 16 days. If that happens it can become problematic for a LOT of us because we don’t get paid a lot of money, contrary to popular belief. We are usually at about 60-70% of our straight civilian counterparts. At least on the military/civilian side of things. With my training and experience I could double or even triple what I make on the outside. With a lot less hassle, danger, stress, etc.

But that’s not why we do it. 

I’ll keep you guys informed as time goes by and let you know if I need you to start sending food and supplies my way. 🙂 

On the plus side, I now have time to get ahead on DL, so let’s finish this one up before I have to leave for the jail tonight, shall we? Lets go!

Keep that one in mind!

What a HORRIBLE AD!!!!

Okay, now that’s art!

The Marine Corps is looking for a few good men, they found them—Navy Corpsmen

You know what MARINE Stands for? My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.

How about USARMY? Uncle Sam Ain’t Released Me Yet Or backwards Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up.

When does an Air Force officer need a hair cut? Never, they get it before it’s needed!

Why did God give the Marine 2 brain cells more than he gave the horse? So the Marine wouldn’t Poop in the Parade!

Interesting Photos That Really Stick The Landing

Two robbers steal a goat and two chickens. They decide to split the loot so one robber says to the other, “You take one chicken, and me and the goat will take the other one.”

And we’ve reached the end. I have to run over to the church to make copies for tonight’s class. So, until next time,