Another great ride today, but you guys don’t want to hear about that, do you? But, I will say this, I was on old US 24 at 60 mph, winding through the the Indiana countryside out for 30 minutes, visited with friends and then back for 30 minutes. It was my farthest ride yet. I think I’m ready for next weekend for my course and test. I guess we’ll see.

I’ve had a request for how to make a donation using a credit card. The easiest way to do that is through PayPal. If you go to the website of dragonlaffs.com on the right column near the top you’ll see this:

If you click on that, it will take you right to the donation site where it is really easy…as a matter of fact, if you click HERE, it will do the exact same thing.  

Okay, that’s about as easy as I can make it. And to those who asked, thank you very much. And from here …

Therapist: “I think you have a phobia of marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?”
Me: “Can’t say I do.”
Therapist: “That’s one of them!”

I laughed so hard at that one!

The CEO offered an employee a bonus of $10k or to double it and pass it on to the next employee. 

The first employee elected to double and pass it on. The CEO thought what a generous individual this was and then moved on to the next employee. 

The next employee also declined the (now) $20k bonus and elected to double and pass it on. “Wow,” thought the CEO, “even 20k is being passed on! What a sense of camaraderie on this team.” 

The next employee also chose to double and pass on. This continued for 6 more employees and the bonus offer now stood at over $2.5 million. In a panic, the CEO had to call his wealthy father to get a loan, otherwise his business will be bankrupted. 

Meanwhile the nine employees were in the kitchen deciding how to evenly split $2.5 million.

That’s actually pretty easy … it’s $277,777.78 each.

 

That makes an enormous amount of sense! It’s PERFECT!!!!

And yet AGAIN, it makes perfect sense!!! Guess what month my birthday is… go ahead, guess? 

WRONG! It’s April! No, I’m kidding, of course it’s December! It has to be December!  It all makes sense.

Yeah, sometimes gothic castles aren’t all that they’re cracked up to be…unless they have a nice dungeon for a dragon.

After twenty years of shaving himself every morning, a man in a small Southern town decided he had enough. He told his wife that he intended to let the local barber shave him each day. He put on his hat and coat and went to the barbershop, which was owned by the pastor of the town’s Baptist church.

The barber’s wife, Grace, was working that day, so she performed the task. Grace shaved him and sprayed him with lilac water and said, “That will be $20.”

The man thought the price was a bit high, but he paid the bill and went to work. 

The next morning the man looked in the mirror and his face was as smooth as it had been when he left the barbershop the day before. “Not bad,” he thought. “At least I don’t need to get a shave every day.”

The next morning the man’s face was still smooth! Two weeks later the man was STILL unable to find any trace of whiskers on his face. It was more than he could take, so he returned to the barbershop. 

“I thought $20 was high for a shave,” he told the barber’s wife, “but you must have done a great job. It’s been two weeks and my whiskers still haven’t started growing back.”

The expression on her face didn’t even change, expecting his comment. She responded, “You were shaved by Grace. Once shaved, always shaved.”

The very BEST explanation I’ve EVER heard!

Joe sent in a great new diet!

Italian Pasta Diet

IT REALLY WORKS !!

1) You walka pasta da bakery.

2) You walka pasta da candy store.

3) You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop.

4) You walka pasta da table and fridge.

Look close, you’ll get it.

But, I like nurses.  They are some of my favorite people. Most of the nurses I’ve met are really sexy!

Dear Boss…
 
To ensure that you have a good time on your upcoming trip to Australia, your loyal team members have planned and developed a special itinerary to fill the time during your leisure hours:
 
Day 1… “Those Marvelous Morays”
 
  This exciting tour will once take you to the beauty of the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be allowed to hand feed special finger-shaped sausages to the wild eels of Stubby Hand Reef.
 
Day 2… The “Great White Encounter”
 
  You and your tour guide will take a small boat to the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be able to dive into the chum-laden water and personally experience the beauty of the Great White shark.
 
Day 3… The “10 Deadliest Snakes Fall Tour”
 
  You and a guest will be escorted through the outback and provided with the opportunity to handle and examine each of the world’s 10 most deadly snakes.
 
Day 4… The “Crocodile Dundee Petting Zoo”
 
  You will be able to come up-close and personal with the occasionally harmless salt-water crocodiles of the Australian coast. Lucky audience members are asked to participate in a croc wrestling exhibition.
 
Day 5… The Aboriginal “Festival of Spears”
 
  You will be the honored guest of a small aboriginal village as they celebrate the subjugation of the aboriginal race by the white man, with free liquor and a special weapons exhibition.
 
We hope you will enjoy your trip!
 
Your loyal employees.

Ok, it’s official. I’m getting old.

The other day I was walking back to my car from the grocery store.

Coming into the store was this smoking hot 19, maybe 20 year old, blonde. God, she was hot.

My thought? “I wonder what her mother looks like.

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack’s mini van and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

“I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained. “I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.”

“Don’t worry,” Jack said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.” The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about 9 months ago?”

“Yes, I do.” said Bob

“Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?”

“Well, um, yes,” Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out.

“I have to admit that I did.”

“And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?”

Bob’s face turned beet red and he said, “Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did.” “Why do you ask?”

“She just died and left me everything.”

They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes like Bonnie and Clyde. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught by the FBI.

At trial, they are convicted and the judge gives Mary ten years in prison because she used a gun in the crime, while John gets only two years. However, once they get to their respective prisons, they discover that due to an unbelievable clerical error, John will be serving ten years and Mary only two years. Despite her insistence to have the mistake corrected, John convinces Mary to just keep quiet about it.

After two years Mary gets out and she continues to visit John faithfully every month and they exchange letters and phone calls regularly for the remainder of his ten years.

Finally, after he does his time, John gets out and he is joyfully reunited with Mary. They get married and move to a different state and they start anew, leaving their life of crime behind them. They raise a family with children and then grandchildren and eventually reach old age, after having lived a happy life together.

At their 50th wedding anniversary party, the entire family and all their friends are gathered. A great celebration is had, with many laughs and stories, recounting their life together.

Eventually, the conversation turns to the secrets to a happy marriage. One of the guests asks Mary why she decided to stick with John while he was in prison, despite all of the hardships that involved.

Mary answers, “Well… you know that you have found the ‘One’ when you finish each other’s sentences…”

One day a Blond, a Brunette and a Redhead all go hunting…

When they get to the campsite, they set up their tents and the brunette immediately goes into the woods with her gun. A few hours later, she comes back to camp with a huge 8 point white tailed deer. 

The Redhead and the Blonde are very impressed and they ask her how she managed to kill it. “I followed the tracks, and I got the deer,” was her answer. 

After breakfast the following morning the Redhead went out hunting. After about half the day she comes back dragging a giant black bear. The Brunet and the Blond are astounded and they ask how she was able to kill the bear. The Redhead answers, “Well, I just followed the tracks, and I got myself a bear!”. 

That evening after an early dinner the Blond goes out into the woods hunting. The following morning she drags herself into the camp all bloody and mangled. The other two girls’ eyes go wide and they ask her, “WHAT HAPPENED TO You!?!?”.

The Blond replies in a faint voice, “I followed the tracks too… but I got hit by a train…”

Moe: “Where did Larry go?”
Curly: “He’s round in front.”
Moe: “I know what he looks like, I just wanted to know where he went.”

At a training session in the fire station, the team was assembled around the kitchen table. The training officer was discussing the behavior of fire. “You pull up to a house and notice puffs of smoke coming from the eaves, blackened out windows and little or no visible flame. What does this tell you?” he asked. 

He was expecting to hear that the house is in a possible back draft situation, a condition very dangerous to fire fighters. Instead, he heard the following from one quick wit in the back, “You got the right place!”

And that’s it my dear friends. Until next time or until we meet in the air. Yes, rumor has it that the Rapture happens on Tuesday. I love hearing this predictions since even Jesus says that only God knows the time and day. 

Although, we are also told of the signs, like the beginning spasms of birth pains, when the end is approaching, and if anyone can’t see that the world is spasming right now, then they aren’t paying attention. 

People have been calling for and predicting the Rapture for years, but personally, I can’t help but feel that it is close. Please my friends, if you are not right with God, get yourself so. And may our Heavenly Father Bless each of you until we meet again.