I just had one of the greatest rides I’ve had on the new bike! It was short, but it was wonderfully fast! I was up to 75 (okay, so it was in a 55 and that’s WRONG, but I had to stretch her legs) (and I had to prove to myself that I could do it … it has been 40 YEARS!!!) and she was smooth as silk! Took the curves like a dream, ran like the magnificent machine that she is! It was wonderful.

Okay, now that I’ve got THAT out. …

Well done is better than well said.
 
– Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. 

For me, it’s  biting my fingernails. 

One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails.
 
“Great Idea, Honey,” he smiled. “You can eat them straight out of the box.”

Teacher: I hope I didn’t just see you looking at Harry’s paper, Raymond!
Raymond: I hope so too, teacher!

Jim needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven.
 
After a successful initial interview at the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager.
 
“You say you have experience selling books?”
 
“Lots of it,” replies Jim.
 
“And you have a Master’s in American history from the University of Michigan?”
 
“Correct,” replies Jim. “History is my field of study.”
 
“Well then,” says the sales manager, “As soon as I can completethis form, we can get you started in the firm.”
 
While the sales manager is making a few notations, Jim, obviously pleased with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls.
 
Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says, “Fine looking men. Your partners?”

This next one is about a half hour long, but it is SO funny. I laughed most of the way through it. So, fair warning.

Wow! This guy is so good! 

The website is cool, motorcyclemissionary.com.  Just spent a lot of time there looking around. Giving me ideas, but let’s move on. And thanks to Vincent for sending in the article!

Should be able to use this for something, I thought…nah! It’s just funny.

Teacher: Clyde, your composition about “My dog” is exactly like your brothers. Did you copy this?

Clyde: No sir. It’s the same dog.

Al: I got fired from my job as a bank guard.
Sam: What happened?
Al: A thief came into the bank. I drew the weapon and told him that if he took one more step, I’d let him have it.
Sam: What did he do then?
Al: He took one more step, so I let him have it. Who wanted that stupid old gun, anyway?

“I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist,” said the employer to the applicant. “Why did you leave?”
“Well,” she replied, “I just couldn’t win…
If I was late to work, I was hostile.
If I was early, I had an anxiety complex.
If I was on time, I was compulsive.”

“Wake up, honey. It’s time to go to school.”
“But why? I don’t want to go to school.”
“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.”
“One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.”
“Oh, that’s no reason. Come on, you have to go to school.”
“Give me two good reasons why I should go to school?”
“One, you are fifty-two years old. Two, you are the principal!”

That’s it dear friends. Another one in the bank. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.  May God Bless you with love and happiness until we meet again.