I know for you guys it’s Thursday, but for me…last Saturday. And yes, I’m trying to get ahead again because this weekend is the UTA again and I’ll be working.

Got to spend the day with my son, the Whelpling, that was a lot of fun.

Okay, I’m gonna keep  doing this as long as you guys keep donating. 

We are up to 27 now! And they are:

Pop, Steven, Chris, Michael, Catherine, Donald, Stephen, Kristine, Leah, Edmund, Sammye, Kenny, Jonathon, Ted, Robert, Kenneth, Marian, Dale, Joseph, Annmarie, Alan, Chuck, Joseph, Scott, Kevin, Dan, and Wayne.

Last time…donate at the website (dragonlaffs.com) in the upper righthand corner is the donate button, that’s through PayPal, you don’t have to have a PayPal account to do that. Or write to me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com and I’ll give you the snail-mail address or the Zelle email (which is NOT impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com!!!!).  Those are the three ways to donate that we’ve figured out so far. There might be others…haven’t worked that out yet.

Okay, on to the show!

Yes…it’s an old joke, but it’s still funny…

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?”

“Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?”

“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $100 for your trouble”

“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde. So, the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded,  “I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!”

“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde.  “But we had money left over so now we’re going to Sea World.”

The physician was taking her four-year old daughter to pre-school. The doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still my heart, thought the doctor, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!
 
Then the child spoke into the instrument: “Welcome to McDonald’s – May I take your order?”

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington USA appeared to be the robber’s first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms, A gun shop specializing in handguns.

2. The shop was full of customers – firearms customers.

3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.

4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a .22 target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm Glock 17, the clerk with a .50 Desert Eagle, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also fired, The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.

Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

So true.

Incredible Dragon House: Design Inspirations & Building Challenges

That one was from Lynn!

Very good advice, actually.

Every time I go on vacation my wife gets pregnant…This year I’m taking her with me!

A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were. 

“Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”

“Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.

“…Which bus would I take home?”

If You’re a Bear

(Me thinks written by a woman)

If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate.  You do nothing but sleep for six months. 
I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that too.

If you’re a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.  If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.  I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup……I want to be a bear!

Goldie Cohen, an elderly Jewish lady from New York, goes to her travel agent. “I vont to go to India.”

“Mrs. Cohen, why India? It’s filthy, much hotter than New York, it’s full of poor, dirty people.”

“I vont to go to India.”

“But it’s a long journey, and those trains, how will you manage? What will  you eat? The food is too hot and spicy for you. You can’t drink the water. You must not eat fresh fruit and vegetables. You’ll get sick: the plague, hepatitis, cholera, typhoid, malaria, God only knows. What will you do? Can you imagine the hospital, no Jewish doctors? Why torture yourself?”

“I vont to go to India.”

The necessary arrangements are made, and off she goes. She arrives in India  and, undeterred by the noise, smell and crowds, makes her way to an ashram.

There she joins the seemingly never-ending line of people waiting for an audience with the guru. An aide tells her that it will take at least three days of standing in line to see the guru.

“Dotz OK.”

Eventually she reaches the hallowed portals. There she is told firmly that due to the long lines she can only say SIX words to the guru.

“Fine.”

She is ushered into the inner sanctum where the wise guru is seated, ready to bestow spiritual blessings upon his eager initiates. Just before she reaches the holy of holiest she is once again reminded:

“Remember, just SIX words.”

Unlike the other devotees, she does not prostrate at his feet. She stands directly in front of him, crosses her arms over her chest, fixes her gaze on his, and says:

“Sheldon, It’s your mother. Come home.”

Well…..almost!

That’s a chart I got while studying Revelation. It’s quite interesting.

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern.

“Paddy,” he said, ” I’m afraid I’ll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.”

“Really, Father?” slurred Paddy. “What have you done?”

And that’s it my friends. Until next time, may God Bless you and keep you, and bring you love and happiness.