So it’s noon on Tuesday.

Why aren’t you at work, Impish.

Cause I went home sick. I really don’t feel good…in fact, I feel like garbage. I think it’s a combination of things. 

And that’s where I ended things on Tuesday. Now it’s Thursday and I’m home from work again. I feel better, but just need some time. I don’t want to go into everything here, but things are getting better.

Let’s catch up on a couple of things.

We are up to 19 total donations! That is awesome! I’m so proud of you guys. I truly am. We’ve gone over the top again this year. And here are our heroes:

Pop, Steven, Henry, Michael, Catherine, Donald, Stephen, Kristine, Leah, Edmund, Sammye, Kenny, Jonathon, Ted, Robert, Kenneth, Marian, Dale, and Joseph.

This is it. Last request. With the story. The deal always was that there would never be advertising on the website, that we would always pay for things outright. And I would keep doing this as long as once a year, I asked for donations and once a year you guys would cover the expenses. As soon as that didn’t happen I would know that my time had passed and I was no longer needed/wanted. I started doing this many years ago and you guys haven’t let me down yet.

I know some of you take it as a sign of respect and of participation and I’ve tried to tell you that it doesn’t matter to me if you donate a fifty cents or fifty dollars it was all looked at equally and I hope nobody felt like it was an obligation. 

Three ways to donate … I think we’ve only found three right now, although there is that cute little villager who still stops at the back of the castle with cart load of marinaded steaks that I like so well … but I digress.  Three ways to donate: First, go to the website at dragonlaffs.com and on the upper right is the donation button that takes you to my PayPal where you can donate. Now, you don’t need a PayPal account to use this, but I’ve heard tell that some folks don’t like to use PayPal and/or put their credit or debit card there.  For them we have options two and three which both involve getting ahold of me via email at impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com where I can give you either A) my snail mail address to send a regular check (or cheque if you are British) or B) the correct email for transferring money through Zelle, which is NOT impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com, by the way.

That’s it. By all means, if you have any questions … or comments … feel free to write to me. I don’t always immediately respond since, you know, I have a real job and ministries and stuff that I take care of, but I do respond as quickly as I can. Always within a day of two.

So, without any further ado, 

Izzy’s flowers. She’s so very proud of these. Goes out every day and looks and tends to them.

I think I should mention here, just in case there’s someone from the younger generation watching here, that that last meme was SARCASM or parody maybe. But not honesty. DO NOT try that at home for crispy bacon.

I feel really bad that I felt it necessary to mention that. 

Don’t mess with Bob’s personal space…I’m tellin’ ya!

48 Laughably Bad Design Fails That Had Me Thinking “Someone Messed Up Here REAL Bad”

A rich Texan walked into the offices of the president of a small Texas college and said, “I’d like to donate a million dollars tax free to this institution.  But there’s a condition. I would like to have an honorary degree.”
 
The president nodded agreeably, “That’s not a problem. We can certainly arrange that!”
 
The rich man said, “An honorary degree for my *horse*.”
 
“For your horse???”
 
“Yep, you betcha.  She carried me for many years and I owe her a lot.  I’d like her to receive a Tr.D., a Doctor of Transportation.”
 
“But . . . we can’t give a degree to a *horse*!”
 
“Then I’m afraid I’ll have to take my million dollars to another educational institution.”
 
“Well, wait a minute,” said the president, seeing the million slip through his fingers, “Let me consult with the school’s trustees.”
 
A hurried trustee meeting was brought to order and the president related the deal and the condition. 

All of the board reacted with shock and disbelief — except the oldest trustee. He appeared almost asleep.
 
One trustee snorted, “We can’t give a *horse* an honorary degree — no matter HOW much money is involved.”
 
The oldest trustee opened his eyes and said, “Take the money and give the horse the degree.”
 
The president asked, “Don’t you think that would be a disgrace to us?”
 
“Of course not, ” the wise old trustee said.  “It would be an honour. It’d be the first time we ever gave a degree to an ENTIRE horse.”

I love this one!

To: All Staff
From: Administration
Re: VA Hospital Costs
 
 
In an effort to reduce costs this year, the following are effective immediately. Please share this information with your patients and physicians as soon as possible.
 
 
1. Food service will be discontinued immediately. Patients wishing to eat will want to get their families to bring them a brown bag meal, or you may make your own arrangements with Subway, Dominoes, etc. Coin-operated telephones will be available in the patient rooms for this purpose.
 
2. Our phone operators have all been let go, so if your are walking through the lobby and hear the telephone ringing, please answer it.
 
3. We have found it necessary to make substantial reductions in our transport team so we ask the cooperation of all patients. One transporter will take at least six patients in wheelchairs at a time to Radiology, PT and other services. Please form a “train” by holding tightly on to the handles of the wheelchair in front of you.
 
4. Our Emergency Room is really busy from 3 PM to 11 PM so, if you can, please have your accidents and heart attacks in the mornings or early afternoons. That would really be helpful and will help to reduce your wait.
 
5. To expedite surgery cases, all AM admits and outpatient surgery patients are asked to report to the hospital 3 hours prior to surgery. Go to Central Sterile and pick up a clean instrument tray & surgery pack and proceed to the Surgery Holding area. To help us reduce drug costs, please take several aspirin prior and drink a six-pack of your favorite brewskee before to arriving at the hospital for surgery.
 
6. Patients anticipating the need for a bedpan can check one out in the gift shop. They will be available in a wide variety of colors and styles to meet the aesthetic and physical requirements of our patients. A deposit will be required but returned if the bedpan is returned clean.
 
7. To reduce patients’ lengths of stay, nurses will have a choice of using in-line skates or skateboards. To expedite response to patient’s needs and discharges, nurse call systems will be modified and will be wired to a collar worn by nurses, which will deliver a mild shock when pushed by the patient.
 
8. Taking a cue from the airlines, Respiratory Therapists will be replaced by oxygen masks which will, should the need arise, automatically drop from the ceiling over patient beds. If this occurs, please place the mask over your nose and mouth and breathe normally.
 
9. The hospital got a real sweet deal on surplus white waiters’ jackets and these will be issued to all physicians. Doctors, we apologize in advance because the jackets already had a first name embroidered on the pocket. We will work with you to find a name that you can live with.
 
10. All first time moms are asked to volunteer to help out on the Pediatrics floor – not only will this reduce hospital costs, but it will give you a much needed experience and a dose of reality after ogling over your own precious sleeping bundle of joy.
 
11. Housekeeping and physical therapy are being combined. Mops will be issued to those patients who are ambulatory, thus providing range-of-motion exercises as well as a clean environment. Family members and friends of patients and ambulatory patients may also sign up to clean public areas to receive special discounts on their final bills. Time cards will be provided.
 
12. Plant operations and Engineering are being eliminated. The hospital has subscribed to the TIME-LIFE “How to…” series of maintenance books. These books can be checked out from administration and a toolbox will be standard equipment on all nursing units. We will be receiving the series at a rate of one volume every other month. We already have the volume on Basic Wiring, but if a non-electrical problem occurs, please try to handle it as best as you can until the appropriate volume arrives.
 
13. Cutbacks in the phlebotomy staff will be accommodated by only performing blood-related lab tests on patients who are already bleeding.
 
14. Physicians will be informed that they may order no more than two x-rays per patient stay. This is due to the turnaround time required by Walgreen’s photo lab. Two prints will be provided for the price of one, and physicians are being advised to clip coupons from the Sunday paper if they want extra sets. Walgreen’s will honor all competitors’ coupons for one-hour processing in emergency situations, so if you come across coupons from other vendors, please clip them and send them to the Emergency Department.
 
15. In light of the extremely hot summer temperature and the high A/C bills that we received last summer, our new policy is to have fans available for sale or lease in the hospital gift shop. For those patients who do not wish to use electric fans, the old reliable hand held cardboard fans on a stick are free upon request.
 
16. The cost of hospital gowns continues to escalate so patients are asked to bring their own pajama top which nurses will be happy to slit up the back for you. Pajama bottoms are not permitted on patient units.
 
17. On the way to the hospital, please stop by Target or Wal-Mart and pick up two sets of twin bed sheets. Should you require extra linens during your stay, coin operated washers and dryers are available for patient use.
 
18. Administration is assuming responsibility for grounds keeping duties. If an Administrator cannot be reached by calling the Administrative Offices, it is suggested that you walk outside and listen for the sound of a lawn mover, weed-whacker, etc.
 
19. The hospital chapel will close down permanently so be sure to look up the number to “Dial-A-Prayer” if the situation arises for a spiritual consultation.
 
20. Please make sure you take a long hot shower or bath before staying with us because the hot water will be turned off permanently. If you’re well enough to take a shower or bath, you’re well enough to be at home.
 
21. With the recent finding that elevators use more electricity to go up and less to go down, please fit as many people as possible in the elevator before leaving the ground floor. The elevators will be programmed to go up only once an hour.
 
 
If you have any questions regarding these cost-cutting measures, please let us know. Thank you for your cooperation.
 
Administrator:  Edward Scizzorhan Veterans Administration Hospital: Flat Bush, Texas

Very much truth.

Understand this. I can’t say this enough. Understand THIS! We are all doomed to hell, each and every one of us, it is ONLY through the Mercy and Grace of God, and the sacrifice of His Son, Jesus Christ and our willing acceptance of that sacrifice by the repentance of our sins do we escape our destiny in hell.

An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital during the Great War. At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury. He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims: “Fair fa’ yer sonsie face, Great chieftain e’ the puddin’ race! Aboon them a’ ye tak your place, painch tripe or thairm: Weel are ye wordy o’ a grace as lang’s my arm.”
 
The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient. Immediately, the patient launches into: “Some hae meat, and cannaeat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae meat and we can eat, And sae the Lord be thankit.”
 
This continues with the next patient: “Wee sleekit cow’rin tim’rousbeastie, O what a panic’s in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa saehasty, Wi bickering brattle I wad be laith to run and chase thee, Wi murdering prattle!”
 
“Well,” the Englishman mutters to his Scottish colleague, “I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last.”
 
“Nay, nay,” the Scottish doctor corrected him, “this is the Serious Burns unit.”

1 Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;
2 By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.
3 For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;
4 And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:

In Ancient Rome here were 4 types of poison.
Poison I, II and III would all kill you.
However, Poison IV, would make you really itchy.

The defendant stood up in the dock and said to the judge, “I don’t recognize this court!”

“And why not?” asked the Judge, sternly.

“Because you’ve had it decorated since the last time I was here.”

Especially not from THAT movie.

Yesterday I went to a temporary tattoo parlor to get a tattoo.
After it wouldn’t wash off this morning I went back to complain, but the tattoo parlor wasn’t there.

I quit my job at the helium gas factory…
I didn’t like being spoken to in that tone of voice.

I have questions … serious questions.

“You should meet my husband. He makes a living with his pen.”
“Oh, so he’s a writer?”
“No, he raises pigs.”

A five-year-old boy surprised his father one day by saying, “I guess I’ll go outdoors and play ball with God.”

“Tell me, how do you play ball with God?” the father asked.

“Oh, it’s not hard at all,” answered the boy. “I just throw the ball up and God throws it back down to me.”

And that brings us to the conclusion of another fantastic issue of yours and mine favorite ezine. May your day be Blessed with Love and Happiness until we meet again.