Well…having been to the doctor on Tuesday and the dietician today, I’m not a happy dragon.

Although, I’m not completely unhappy either. I’ll not bore you with the details, but for those of you who know what this means, my hemoglobin A1C is at 8.6, which I don’t think is incredibly bad, but the doctors seem to think is horrible. It has crept up over the last few years from a 6.5. 

So, if I want to live a healthy long life, I’ll get it back down to the 6.5 where it was. And not discuss the length of life I desire. 

Sigh.

Nor the fact that these blankety blank dentures keep me from being able to eat real food. 

Anyway, enough of that crap.

A man is asking a farmer about his two cows.
Man: About how much milk do you get from them in a day?
Farmer: Which one, the brown one or the black one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: About a half-gallon a day.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: About a half-gallon a day.
Man (looking puzzled): Ok.. what do you feed them?
Farmer: Which one?
Man: The brown one.
Farmer: She eats grass.
Man: And the black one?
Farmer: She eats grass, too.
Man (becoming annoyed): Why do you keep asking me to specify which cow when the answers are the same?
Farmer: Because the brown cow is mine.
Man: Oh, and the black one?
Farmer: It’s mine, too.

This next one is hilarious! I gather this guy does this stuff all the time.

This link is from Stephanie…I really need to get her her own header…and it’s really good. I highly recommend clicking…

HERE

A helicopter lost power while flying over a remote Scottish island and was forced to make an emergency landing.  

Luckily there was a small cottage nearby.
 
The pilot walked over to it and knocked on the door.  “Is there a mechanic in the area?” he asked the woman who answered the door.
 
She scratched her head and thought for a few seconds.  “No,” she finally said, pointing down the road, “but we do have a McArdle and a McKay.”

Help! “Send someone over quickly!” the old woman screamed into the phone. “Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!”

“This is the Fire Department, lady,” the voice replied. “I’ll have to transfer you to the Police Department.”

“No, it’s YOU I want!” she yelled. “They need a longer ladder!”

This next one is from brother Joe and it’s called Help Desk and some of these are just GREAT!

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
 
Female customer: A white one…
 
——
 
Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
 
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
 
Customer: Yes, sure, it’s really stuck.
 
Helpdesk: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note …”
 
Customer: No … wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry …….
 
——
 
Helpdesk: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
 
Customer: Your left or my left?
 
——
 
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
 
Male customer: Hello… I can’t print.
 
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and …
 
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates damn it!
 
 
——
 
Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. 
Every time I try it says ‘Can’t find printer’.
 I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…
 
——
 
Customer: I have problems printing in red…
 
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
 
Customer: Aaaah………………..thank you.
 
——
 
Helpdesk: What’s on your monitor now ma’am?
 
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
 
——
 
Helpdesk: And now hit F8.

Customer: It’s not working.
 
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
 
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing’s happening…
 
——
 
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
 
Helpdesk: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
 
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
 
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
 
Customer: OK
 
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
 
Customer: Yes
 
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
 
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work!
 
——
 
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
 
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? –
 
——
 
A customer couldn’t get on the internet.
 
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
 
Customer: Yes I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
 
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
 
Customer: Five stars.
 
——
 
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
 
Customer: Netscape.
 
Helpdesk: That’s not an antivirus program.
 
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.
 
——
 
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
 
——
 
Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
 
Old woman: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you.  Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
 
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don’t understand your problem?
 
Old woman: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?
 
——
 
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
 
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
 
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
 
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?

And absolutely none of those surprise me.

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. or a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, “I’m sorry but you scared the daylights out of me.” The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn’t realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, “No, no, I’m sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.”

I’ve got a LOT more Pickles lined up next to go (I guess they lined up alphabetically in my files) so rather than keep going with them, for the sake of variety, I’m going to skip over them and go on to something else and come back to the Pickles next issue.

This is an old one, but I always liked it.

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do Gods work.”

The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. 

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.”

The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. 

A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.”

The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction…
I read to the end and say, “Well, that’s not going to happen.”

“If we knew what it was, we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?”
– Albert Einstein

And that, my friends, brings another episode to a close. Tune in next time for another exiting edition of your favorite ezine.

Just as a reminder, there’s still time to donate to this year’s “let’s pay the bills” donation drive.

We’re still stalled out right here. Now, we’re close enough that I’m willing to push us over the top, so no worries.

Three ways to contribute, go to the website at dragonlaffs.com and on the upper right hand side you’ll see a place to donate that takes you to my PayPal site where you can donate. You don’t have to have a PayPal account to do so.

Second and third, you can write to me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com and I can give you my snail mail address where you can send me a check, money order or the like or I can give you the email address where you can Zelle me. The Zelle email is NOT the impishdragon address.

Thank you to the 16 wonderful campers who have funded us for pretty much the next year.

May you all be blessed by God until we can meet again.