Well, I made it through the exercise.  About 10 hours on Thursday, 14 on Friday and Saturday, 10 again on Sunday and Monday and I’m out of hours for the rest of the week, so I’m taking Tuesday through Sunday off.

I told myself last night (Monday night) that I could stay up late, relax, because I could sleep in this morning.  Well, I fell asleep on the couch about 8 pm, was in bed by 9 and really slept late in the morning.  I really caught up on all my lost sleep.  Yup.  I was wide awake at 0530 this morning, which is my normal time to wake up and about an hour later than I have been since Thursday, so I’m not sure if that’s an hour lie in or not.  

I got up because my bladder made me and laid back down, figured I’d get another hour or so of sleep.  When I realized I was wide-rooster-crow-screaming-awake, I got up, made coffee, took the doggies out and then treated myself to something I don’t EVER do!

I went out to breakfast at what I think is one of the greatest little places ever.  And it sits in little old Peru, Indiana.  Gabriel’s Pancake house.

It is a great place to eat.  They are only open from 0600 to 1500 (6 am to 3 pm) every day.  But they have a full breakfast and lunch/dinner menu.  And it is a real friendly, hometown place.  I always over tip when I go in there.  This morning I had my usual.  Two eggs over easy, sausage, and hashbrowns, with white toast coffee and orange juice.  Now, they don’t skimp on anything.  My tab came to $10.69.  My waitress, a sweet lady, even asked me what flavored jelly I wanted for my toast.  I didn’t tip her 15%.  That would have been $1.60.  She took care of me for about an hour, not that I required a lot of care, I think after she took my order and brought my food, she refilled my coffee once…maybe, but still, it was worth more than a buck and a half.  But, like I said, I tend to over tip when I go in there.  Mostly because I used to run restaurants, I know what a good waitress is worth and I know that they only get paid $3.17 an hour in most places.  So, I gave her a 94% tip, in cash so she didn’t have to claim it all if she didn’t want to.  When you put a tip on a credit card slip, management is obligated to claim that as tips for him or her for taxes.  That’s what the $3.17 an hour is for.  Not for their pay, but so that the company will have money to take out of their check to cover the taxes on the tips that they make.  I’m not sure what the exact figure is any more, but it used to be that the government is going to charge them 10% of the amount of the meals that they served in tip taxes whether they made that much in tips or not.  But if they made more than that on credit card tips, they have to claim that because there is proof that they made that, that’s why I always tip in cash, even if I pay with a credit card.

Anyway, that’s a much longer explanation then I expected to make this morning, which just goes to show that my mind wanders with my fingers doing the typing and going where they wish no matter what I want to do.  I was going to talk about the stupidity going on in Los Angeles right now, but I suppose there is time for that later on in the issue.  So for now …

I’ve never understood that myself.  

Oh come on!  Everyone gets this one!  It’s actually quite good.

The bartender told me they are about to start Happy Hour, so he asked me to leave.

Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Because you shouldn’t press your luck.

I seem to find a way of sneaking chocolate into movie theatres. I always have a few twix up my sleeve.

A politician, an artist, and a statistician are out hunting. The politician shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left. The artist takes a shot and misses 5 feet to the right. The statistician yells, “We got ‘em!”

Why are fish so easy to weigh. Because they come with there own scales.

 I just realized that my calculator is missing the minus button. But on the plus side, it still works.

 My father was a conjoined twin. His brother was my uncle on my fathers side once removed.

At least twice a week, someone will confuse me with Stephen King’s son, Joe. I’m not Joking.

 My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list, and now I can’t read anything.

I couldn’t sleep last night so I read a dictionary, and 3am I was past caring.

Can someone please tell me what the lowest rank in the Army is??? Every time I ask someone, they tell me “it’s private”.

What is it about all the Psychics that I ever visit. They’re either totally depressed, or too excitable. It’s really hard to find a happy Medium.

 Shop assistant fought off armed robber with his labeling gun. Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.

Midgets and dwarfs have very little in common.

Orion’s Belt is a big waist of space.

Oh, the list is long and so full of stupidity.

I think there is a great lesson to be learned here.  Go ahead and call this scumbag a saint again and see what happens next.

Mom is mortified after her kindergartner tells the teacher what she does for a living

A Dog’s Diary
 
 
5:30am: Started the day as a hero!  When the sound of the newspaper hitting the driveway roused me from my deep slumber — the impact indicating the paper was much heavier than normal — I realized that no one in the house was yet awake!  I roused my master by licking him in the face.  He appeared very angry with himself for having overslept, shouting and waving his arms.  His ill temper even seemed directed at me a bit, which is silly since it is I who saved him from being fired.  Funny thing though: He didn’t go into work, but spent the morning leafing through the large newspaper and drinking coffee.  He seems to do this once a week, and I don’t know why.
 
 
7:30am: Invaders!  The people who live next door came out into their yard, obviously getting ready to lay siege to our house. Snarling and barking, I let them know in no uncertain terms that I was prepared to tear them from limb to limb if they came any closer, and was able to repel the invasion.  This is an almost daily occurrence; you’d think they’d learn.  My master added his voice to the fray as well, yelling angrily.  I am sure the people couldn’t hear him, but it was nice of him to lend his support.
 
 
10:00am: I was forced to move, as the patch of sun in which I was lying had, for some reason, slid over a few feet.  It’s not easy being a dog.
 
 
1:00pm: I have the most thoughtful master in the world!  While it’s true he left me alone in the house for several hours, he did set out a treat for me on the kitchen counter.  It was even gift-wrapped, a courtesy I wish he’d skipped, since it led to me having a lot of plastic in my teeth. The roast was delicious, though frozen in the center.  I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but crunching through two inches of rock-hard beef is hardly my idea of a delicacy.
 
 
2:00pm: Most unpleasant experience when my master returned home and was furious that I had not eaten the plastic wrap which had been covering my present.  He kept pointing at the small pieces of Styrofoam and other debris and raving in a most irrational fashion. I’m sorry, but he should know that I can’t eat that stuff; it makes my stomach upset.  When he began rolling up a newspaper I realized he’d lost all reason and bolted for the front door, which was fortunately open just a crack.
 
 
4:00pm: Spent the afternoon with the girls.  A most productive day; I was able to mark territory for two blocks.  “Drip ’til you drop” is our motto.  We had a small snack at an outdoor cafe we like, with meat scraps and bread served out of circular containers with easily displaced lids.  Ran into that rogue Sebastian, who lifted his leg with irritating nonchalance — does he think I don’t know about his obsession with Muffy, that snotty schnauzer from down the road?  Last month there wasn’t a male in the neighborhood who couldn’t be found outside her fence, and Sebastian was at the head of the pack.  I let him know I want nothing more to do with him.
 
 
5:00pm: What a treat!  On the way home a flock of ravens drew my attention to a squirrel that had been flattened by an automobile. After several days in the sun, the aroma was so delicious it made my nose quiver.  I rolled in the wondrous fragrance for several minutes, and when I stood up I positively radiated eau de roadkill. Let Sebastian drool over Muffy — he doesn’t know what he’s missing.
 
 
6:00pm: Of all the times to get a bath!  My master, still in a foul mood, made me stand outside in the chill air while he shampooed and rinsed me several times.  Every time I shook the water from my fur he, too, became drenched, and in the end he was shivering. Why in the world does he do stuff like this?
 
 
9:00pm: Time to sleep, though I am not allowed on the bed whenever anyone’s home.  Ah, the life of a dog.

Really quite well written.  I enjoyed that to no end.  Thanks, Joe.

That is so important.  You know, that sounds like something for a husband and wife, right?  But, how about for a parents and their kids?  Now, I’m not talking about little kids, you correct them on the spot, when they become teenagers…young adults, there are times when you correct them out of the public eye and have their six in public, right?

I don’t know…quite frankly, I don’t think that 4 helium balloons would be enough to lift a dog off the ground.

At least spell marijuana correctly…

The overwhelming, asinine, stupidity of that one just amazes me.

An instructor in chemical warfare asked soldiers in his class: “Anyone knows the formula for water?”

“Sure. That’s easy,” said one man.

“What is it?”

“H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O.”

“What, what?” reasked the instructor.

“H to O,” explained the chemistry expert.

Yeah…I’ve noticed that … a LOT.

Wow!  Talk about the world going round and being a small place!

Good read!  Highly recommended!

I agree.  There’s gotta be an awful lot of confidence in buying a camouflaged golf ball.

Give Him thanks for so much more.  There is so much more to be thankful for than just your life.

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.

On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

He had no discipline problems with any of his students that term.

I agree 100%!!!!!!!

A man comes home to his wife, and he is chuckling. His wife asks him what is so funny. “A limerick I heard today at work. But I can’t tell you,'” he says. “It’s too dirty.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve heard them all,” she replies.

“I really can’t, it’s the dirtiest limerick that I have ever heard!”

“OK”, his wife says. ‘”How about you tell it, but substitute the word ”beep” in the place of the really dirty words”.

‘”Fine,'” he says. ‘”Here goes:

Beep beep-beep beep beep-beep beep,

beep beep-beep beep beep-beep beep .

Beep-beep beep beep beep,

beep-beep beep beep beep,

beep beep-beep beep beep-beep beep.”

Okay, I want to throw a special in here of Calvin and Hobbs and the Yukon sent in to us by Chris.  I love following the series of Calvin when he does silly stuff like this.  So, here we go!

I think about that and I think about Calvin as a grown up reflecting back on his life with Hobbs and it brings a tear to my eye.  What a wonderful storyteller.

There is so much stupidity going on right now.  

I was upset with myself for missing the anniversary of D-Day on June 6th.  But I was making episodes so far ahead and was overwhelmed with stuff going on, that I just missed it.  But, it did make me reflect on the nonsense that’s going on in LA right now with the people trying to interfere with the ICE agents doing their jobs of deporting illegals from this country.

I’ve heard people complain about so many different aspects of this.  Everything from the ICE agents wearing masks to Trump calling in the National Guard.

Before I go any further, let me make this perfectly clear, this is Impish Dragon’s opinion.  You are free to agree, disagree, disregard, ignore, or adopt it as your own.  I COULDN’T POSSIBLY CARE LESS.  What I DO care about is people getting it wrong and being stupid.

Okay, let’s talk about the masks really fast.  This won’t take but a moment.  Do you know why the ICE agents are wearing masks?  Because lovely members of the press were putting their faces up on the screen and the anti-ICE people were finding out who they were, who their families were, and encouraging their deranged followers to go to this address to get to their kids at school or this address to get to their wives at work and things like that!  For doing their jobs.  Now look…if I found out that someone was threatening my family for me doing my job, or for me being a Christian, military loving, 2nd amendment believing, America first Constitutionalist (wow!  I may have just done so!) I’d wear a mask at work also if I had the chance of being filmed on TV.  It makes perfect sense to me.

These people have the nerve to come into our country as invaders, claiming that their country is so bad, then they are going to wave the flag of that horrible country and throw rocks, bottles (some of which are filled with gasoline and lit on fire) and bricks at our police officers who are there to defend everyone and keep the peace.  If you think that country is so great that you are going to wave that flag, get your butt back there!

And as far as calling out the National Guard, the President has every right to do that during times of insurrection.  And if you don’t think that there is an insurrection going on then I advise you to get a dictionary.  

This morning I saw that little twerp Greta on TV.  I guess she got kicked out of Israel after trying to break a blockade or something.  She was spouting off about how she was kidnapped and how Israel was slaughtering the Palestinians and going on and on about stuff she knew absolutely nothing about, had no authority to speak on, and the media people were like hungry little mice chasing after a single crumb of cheese.  The moronic little sycophants.  “Oh Greta!  What else happened, Greta!  What do you think, Greta?” 

 She’s a smarmy child!  She needs to mind her place while the adults are talking.  

Deep breath….

Okay…until we meet again my friends.  May God bless you with love and happiness.