Here’s the deal…

I have two choices, because we have a big exercise again this week and I will be working long, 12 to 14 hour shifts possibly starting as early as Wednesday and going through Sunday.  So the issue that I’m working on right now is Thursday’s.  So here are the two choices:

#1.  Make this an extra special issue to try to get you guys all the way through to next Thursday.

#2. Make this an okay, so-so issue and finish it up quickly so I have time to knock another one out and have it scheduled for Saturday, so you only end up missing out on Monday.

Yeah, I agree.  Option #2.  Ration the good stuff out so we all get a laugh through out.  Heck, maybe if I ration well enough, I can squeeze out a third one….doubtful, but let’s see.

I’m telling ya’ Pete!  You’re throwing the Bob stuff in there on purpose!

See!  See what I mean!

Be honest, you thought about it.  I know you did!

Boy, ain’t that the truth.  And the younger ones, the can have an entire conversation without using any letters at all.

What’s the name of the bar where mechanics hang out?

.

.

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The Universal Joint.

“Four years ago, my cousin ran for a Member of Congress.” 

“What’s he doing now?” 

“Nothing. He got elected.” 

I thought my Izzy Dragon would LOVE this idea…she said not to EVER put bacon (which she also LOVES) on her Mac & Cheese!  I guess she’s a purest at heart.

What kind of lights were on Noah’s Ark? 

FLOODLIGHTS!! 

So good!

This is THE most adorable thing I think I’ve read in a long, long time.  I’ll be honest, this big old dragon teared up by the time he got to the end.

Why God made moms 

(Answers given by 2nd grade school children) 

Why did God make mothers? 
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 
2. Mostly to clean the house. 
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. 

How did God make mothers? 
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts. 

What ingredients are mothers made of? 
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. 
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think. 

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom? 
1. We’re related. 
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me. 

What kind of little girl was your mom? 
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff. 
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. 
3. They say she used to be nice. 

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him? 
1. His last name. 
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? 
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores? 

Why did your Mom marry your dad? 
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats alot. 
2. She got too old to do anything else with him. 
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on. 

Who’s the boss at your house? 
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball. 
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed. 
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad. 

What’s the difference between moms and dads? 
1. Moms work at work and work at home, & dads just go to work at work. 
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. 
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine. 

What does your Mom do in her spare time? 
1. Mothers don’t do spare time. 
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long. 

What would it take to make your Mom perfect? 
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. 
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue. 

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be? 
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that. 
2. I’d make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me. 
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back of her head. 

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” 

“Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. 

The child thought about this for a moment, then said, “So, why’s the groom wearing black?” 

So very, very true!

A wife asks her husband, an engineer, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.” 

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. 

The wife asks him, “Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?” 

He replied, “They had eggs.”

And this makes absolutely perfect sense to me. But I also know exactly what the wife meant.  Because I have had a wife and I work with engineers.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. – 

 

anon…

Okay, that one went pretty quick, so that leaves me a little time for this…

I am absolutely disgusted by Seattle’s demonic mayor who blamed the Christians for the violent rioters who attacked them. Calling them far right extremists and lying and saying that they chose that location on purpose just to cause trouble.

Well, Mr. so-called mayor, they wanted to go somewhere else and your people told them no and sent them to that location, the most hostile, alphabet filled location in your cesspool of a city.  They had water balloons full of urine thrown at them.  And of the 22 or 23 people arrested, not a single one of them was one of the Christians.  They were all your precious alphabet or antifa people.

You should be ashamed of yourself!  

Now the FBI is investigating, as well it should.  I hope you get thrown in jail.

Okay, rant over.  Until next time.