Okay, so I finally made it back to the site on Monday night to read the comments and Sammye asked a GREAT question.  What happened to issues #2415 and 2417?  And my thoughts were what in the world are they talking about?  Then I went and looked and laughed myself silly.  I’m either getting really old or really tired.  I can’t count.  I’ll show you what I mean when I call up all the latest issues.

Yup, no 2415 and no 2417.  So, either I can’t count or … something.  But now I’m on #2419 and my OCD is kicking in…that I didn’t even know I had, and I want to go back and catch up the two missing numbers!  But then they won’t be in order!

Yeah, it’s a mess.  Thanks Sammye.  LOL!

A man went to a bookstore and asked to see a book titled, “How to Control Your Mother-in-Law.”

“Our fiction department is in the rear, right side of the aisle,” the salesman said with a smile.

Joe was telling his buddy Jack about a recent diagnosis of his high blood pressure.  “The doctors told me to quit eating red meat,”

Joe said, “Well, did you quit,” asked Jack.

Joe replied, “Sure did. You think I’m a dummy or something? I haven’t had a drop of ketchup on my hamburgers since!” 

You may have heard that we had a Mexican ship run into the Brooklyn Bridge.  Two people died and several were seriously injured, so of course, people created memes and I’ve had them sent to me, so I have to share them with you…

The perceived privilege of some people is overwhelming.

Here’s an oldie but goodie

A Pastor wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. 

However at the local auction, the going price for a horse was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in third. 

The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PASTOR’S ASS SHOWS

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. 

The local paper read:
PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. 

The next day, the local paper read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. 

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: 
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for ten pounds. 

The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR £10.00
This was to much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. 

The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was Buried the next day

Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow in the air?

She missed.

I want one of these!  I NEED one of these!

A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. 

He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. 

Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. 

He successfully raised a number of them and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. 

The young man replied, “I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have a hutch back of Notre Dame.” 

Little Johnny and his father ran a one-mule farm and barely eked out a living. 

One day, Little Johnny hit the lottery, winning $50,000. He burned rubber into town, collected his money, and left more rubber all the way back home, where he told his father the good news and handed him a $50 bill. 

The father looked at the money for a moment and then said, “Little Johnny, you know I’ve always been careful with what little money we had. I didn’t spend it on whiskey or women or frivolous things. In fact, I couldn’t even afford a license to legally marry your Ma.” 

“Pa!” Little Johnny exclaims, “do you know what that makes me?” 

“Sure do,” said his father, fingering the fifty-dollar bill, “and a damn cheap one too!”

A young recently commissioned Ensign approached the crusty old Master Chief Petty Officer and he asked him about the origin of commissioned officer insignias. 

“Well Ensign,” explained the Master Chief, “the insignias of rank in the United States Navy are steeped in Naval history and Naval tradition. When you were commissioned as an Ensign, the Navy gave you a gold bar representing that you are valuable, but also malleable. When you make Lieutenant, your value doubles and you will get two bars. As a Navy Captain, you soar above the military masses as a leader, hence the Eagle. As an Admiral, you are obviously a star. The bigger the responsibility, the more stars you wear, up to four. Does that answer your question?”

The quizzical Ensign replied “Yes, Master Chief… But, what about Lieutenant Commander and Commander?”

The Master Chief answered, “Oh that… Well, you see, Sir, that goes all the way back to the time of the Garden of Eden and Adam… You know, where we learned to cover our pricks with leaves.”

Boy, ain’t that the truth!

Can you see some of it coming to pass in front of you right now?

I think I’ve just read the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen…ever.  Now, this goes back to October of 2018, and I honestly thought it was an Urban Legend, but our dear friend of the show, Stephanie, sent me a link top the following article

Cow’s Milk A Symbol Of White Supremacy, PETA Claims

The People for Eating Tasty Animals…or something like that, actually made that claim.  Sounds like something that Babylon Bee would put out, but nope.  They were serious.  Since it’s seven years old, I’m going to give you the whole article here.

SAN FRANCISCO – Cow’s milk is allegedly a symbol used by white supremacists, according to PETA.

In a recent statement, the animal advocate organization explains that dairy milk has been the drink of choice for supremacists because “the dairy industry inflicts extreme violence on other living beings.”  How’s that again?

According to PETA, “some people might be surprised to learn that cows used by the dairy industry are slaughtered after about five years because their bodies are so spent from being kept constantly pregnant.”

The group tweeted a message last week that said: “Cows’ milk has long been a symbol used by white supremacists.” The tweet also included the phrase “One more reason to #DitchDairy.”

The group links this concept to white supremacy by saying cows are controlled by humans, similar to the mindset of a white supremacist.  You’ve really got to be kidding me!  I think I’ve actually lost brain cells just reading that sentence.

“Aside from ‘lactose-tolerant’ white supremacists, cow’s milk really is the perfect drink of choice for all (even unwitting) supremacists,” a statement from PETA says.  The implication being that you have to be lactose-tolerant to be a white supremacist or that by being a white supremacist you automatically become lactose-tolerant?  I’m not really sure how that works, but we need to notify the medical community because we could be on to something here.

The statement points to scenes in the movies “Inglorious Bastards” and “Get Out.”

“As when Christoph Waltz’s character in Inglorious Bastards drinks a glass of milk and a character in a pivotal scene of Get Out sips the cow secretion, dairy milk has long been embraced as a symbol of white supremacy,” PETA’s news release said.  Oh!  Well, there’s all the proof you need right there!  Well, then never mind.

A room for two knights for two nights.

I asked my wife to help me find a match for my sock.  

She answered, “What for? Are you going to set it on fire??

A recent survey found that 85% of the guys who die while having sex are cheating on their spouse.

It’s not the sex that’s killing them.

It’s worrying about getting caught, they’re scared to death !

And that’s it my friends.  May God Bless you and keep you until we meet again.