Look into my crystal ball…and see…

Mail! 

Something I’ve been very remise about for a long time.  Let’s read some comments that I’ve gotten on the website.

Let’s go back 14 episodes to #2400.  I got lots of congrats for hitting such a milestone and I appreciate every one of them.  This one is from our buddy Wouter in South Africa.

Good Morning Bob.

Thank you very, very much for the Calvin & Hobbes cartoon.

I really appreciate it. So sad and beautiful at the same time.

Baie dankie

Groete from South Africa

Wouter

Then from my favorite nursie…

I so look forward to the laughs….then you post the “biscuit ” photo….now I’m sad…her back flab is bigger than my boobs…sad…

This one from Paul C. touched me a great deal.

2400 is another GREAT milestone.

I have been enjoying the posts for many years now, I have also seen TOO MANY friends and family ‘move on’ over those years. This Ezine has always been a source of enjoyment and distraction – Thank you

P.S. I am Canadian, so ALL political references are stupid/funny/irrelevant. Also thanx for helping me to remember Calvin and The Far Side.

See you all at 3000 and then 4000

The older we get, the more friends we have that pass on.  We hope and pray that they have found Jesus during their short lives and that they have secured their afterlife in Heaven.  We are all destined to be born at least once and die at least once, then we have the choice of either being born again or dying again.

I’m so very pleased when someone tells me that my efforts bring them joy.  I usually have two goals when I do one of these: to make people smile and to make them think.  I haven’t tried to make people think as much as smile lately, but I’m sure it’s bound to come back around.

And we’ll finish off this batch with the latest one I got from Wayne G. mostly because the topic is one that is near and dear to my heart.  Wayne says: 

I really like the last one about whether they use human shields or are human shields.

‘Tis true Wayne.  The mark of the guys who wear the white hats.  They have the women, children, weak, infirm, BEHIND them!  The slime ball cowards, build their shelters under hospitals, in the apartment complexes of civilians, they put the innocents between them and the people they are fighting.  They TARGET those same innocents and rape the women and children while filming it for those innocent’s families to hurt.  Vengeance belongs to the Lord and I KNOW He is a Just God, but the outrage I feel is still there.  I ask Him to take that from me.

Now that we’ve done mail, let’s jump into the fun stuff…

 My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits … and their bulging stomachs. Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, I said to my wife, “I’m the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated.” She glanced at the well-dressed crowd, then back at me, and said, “You’re the only one who has to.”

A man walks into a library and asks for a book about coincidences. The librarian says, “you’re in luck, this one has just arrived”.

Me: I taught my dog to play chess. 
Friend: He must be very smart? 
Me: Not really, I beat him two games out of three!

I got a book at the second hand store titled “A Guide to Surgical Procedures”. I opened it up and the appendix was missing.

Does anyone know the price of sandpaper? Roughly?

It’s been a bit of a strange day; first, I found a hat full of money, then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar…

Did you hear about the ninety-two-year old man who married a woman of eighty-four? They spent their entire honeymoon getting out of the car.

Vacations might be expensive, but you can’t put a price tag on arguing with your family in a different city.

A new version of Microsoft Office leaked online. Microsoft had to cancel their plans after the Word got out.

 Trying to think of a tree pun but I’m stumped. However, I have been working on a pun about the wind. I can’t post it yet, it’s just a draft.

I bought a frozen pizza from the store and it says on the box, “Cook for between 20 and 22 minutes.”…now, I’m no genius, but isn’t that 21 minutes?

I’ve put my scale in the corner of the bathroom and that’s where the little liar can stay until she apologizes.

Was surprised to open the front door and find a piano tuner. I told him I hadn’t called him. He told me my neighbors had.

Just got my electric bill. When you come over, please use the flashlight on your phone.

My bank called me regarding suspicious activity on my account. They didn’t believe I bought a gym membership.

 A fella once asked me what a hoedown was, and I told him it’s like a shindig, but more like a hootnanny. I could tell he was still confused because his face went all cattywampus.

A research group on sea mammals captured a rather odd porpoise on one of its trips. 

Its peculiarity was that it had feet. 

After they had photographed and measured the poor thing, they prepared to set it free. 

“Wait a minute,” said one of the researchers, “Wouldn’t it be a kindness if our ship’s doctor here were to amputate the feet so that it would be like other porpoises?” 

“Not on your life,” exclaimed the doctor, “That would be defeeting the porpoise.”

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. “How did I get here, Mommy?” she asks.

Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, “God sent you, Honey.”

“And did God send you too, Mommy?” she continues. “Yes, Sweetheart, he did.”

“And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads too?”

“Yes,Honey, all of them, too.”

The child shakes her head in disbelief. “Then you’re telling me there’s been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!”

I seem to be spending more and more time on number four.  It’s getting a bit scary.  

A single conversation across the table with a wise man is worth a month’s study of books.

Chinese Proverb

My friend’s son has a new nickname for his dad, ‘Baldy.’

His dad has a new word for him… ‘heredity.’

Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs? 

She needed them for the darkroom she was building.

And with that silly one, we’ll end it there!

May you all be blessed with love and happiness until next time!