Okay, I have no idea what day it is.  It’s Tuesday for me.  That’s Tuesday March 25th.  Yeah, THAT Tuesday.  Okay, I gotta figure it out.  Be right back.  

Okay, for you guys, it’s Monday … like two weeks from now.  April 7th.  So yeah, I’m a bit ahead, but that’s a good thing.  Because coming up, real soon, there is going to be another run of days where I’m not going to be able to do this, so it’s good to get ahead and stay ahead.  So … yeah … let’s keep doing this.

The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby.

Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge.

“Was it my friend Sam”, he demanded.

“No !” his weeping wife replied.

“Was it my friend Jim then?” he asked.

“NO !!!” she said even more upset.

“Well which one of my no good friends did this then?” he asked.

“Don’t you think I have any friends of my own?” she snapped.

The last one is old…but appropriate.  

YES!  Yes, yes yes!!!!

A very thirsty man goes into a bar.

As he’s sitting down, he hears the man next to him tell the bartender, “I’ll have another waterloo.”

The bartender gives the fellow a tall, well-iced drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink.

Thinking the other man’s drink may be a specialty of the house, he says, “I’ll have a waterloo, too.”

The bartender gives him the tall, well-iced drink, and the customer takes a big drink.

“Hey,” he says, “this isn’t any good. It tastes just like water!”

The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, “Well, it is water.!

Right, Lou?”

Oh, come on!  That one’s easy!

I’m SO tired of being cold!

We have a new employee, Jose, at the local Home Depot and has proven to be very knowledgeable and helpful to the sawdust challenged like myself. 

Yesterday I needed his guidance after ruining several pieces of wood with my newly purchased belt sander.

A fast trip to the store led to the retro question,

“Can you tell me the way to sand, Jose?”

Pop Smith is gonna try to get me one of these!  I can hardly wait!

I have so many questions!

And Bob is brilliant!

That guy is incredible!  He looks to be like my age!

I laughed SO HARD!!

50 Extremely Common Things That Literally Every Person On Earth Has Been Calling The Wrong Name Their Entire Life

Very interesting article.  Of the fifty I knew … almost half … 24 of them.

1, 3, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 13, 14, 17, 18, 20, 21, 24, 25, 28, 32 (doesn’t everyone?), 33, 35 (that one, too?), 42, 44, 45, 46, 49 (although I wasn’t exactly sure of the measurement)

how many of you beat my total?

Yeah…that’s me…

Why is a dog’s nose in the middle of it’s face?

Because it’s the scenter.

48 Deathtraps — Um, I Mean Stupidly Dangerous Designs — That I Can’t Believe People Were Actually Paid To Make

Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.

– T. S. Eliot (1888-1965)

As I’ve said SO. MANY. TIMES. BEFORE.

Overheard in a computer shop:

Customer: “I’d like a mouse mat, please.”

Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we’ve got a large variety.”

Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”

Two guys were out walking their dogs, when one dog wanders off to pee against the wall. Like dogs do, it raised it’s leg and started to do his thing.

The second dog then goes up and starts to go exactly where the other dog did. But instead of raising his leg, he stood up on his hind legs, put both paws on the wall and relieved himself.

One guy says to the other, “Wow, how did you teach
him to pee like that?”

The second man replies, “I didn’t teach him. He’s done it ever since the wall fell on him.”