I’m getting further and further ahead.

Today is Monday, Mary’s birthday, and I’m just trying to stay busy.  So, since I don’t have anything to say right now, let’s just get to the fun stuff.

Sounds to me like you need one of these…

Oklahoma, Wynona Law

You can’t wash your clothes in a birdbath

The class had gone to lunch and the restroom and returned to class. 

The teacher did not see Johnnie.

She asked, “Where’s Johnnie?”

One of the students replied, “He’s in the bathroom, lying on the floor.”

She asked, “Why is he doing that?”

The child said, “I don’t know.  He’s been like that since he stuck the scissors in the light socket.”

Yup, I agree Joe.  That’ll do it.

Please, please, please tell me that you get that one.  

Well, don’t tell me, tell me.  I just hope there’s no one out there who doesn’t get that one.  That would be too much for me to bear.

As an estate agent, I deal with all types of people.

Recently, I showed a home to a couple who seemed eager to check out the fantastic view from the living room.

But when I dramatically pulled back the drapes, the disappointed husband asked, “Where  is the view? Those mountains must be blocking it.”

You know … that’s a really good point.  Just being you, being blessed by the Holy Spirit, is going to annoy the stuffing out of the demons that reside in SO MANY other people.  No wonder there are so many jerks out there.

A group of students was asked to list what they thought were the present Seven Wonders of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following got the most votes:

1. Egypt’s Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter’s Basilica
7. China’s Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn’t turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble with her list.

The girl replied, “Yes, a little. I couldn’t quite make up my mind because there were so many.”

The teacher said, “Well, tell us what you have, and maybe we can help.”

The girl hesitated, then read, “I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:

1. to touch
2. to taste
3. to see
4. to hear

She hesitated a little,  and then added

5. to feel
6. to laugh!
7. and to love

The room was so full of silence you could have heard a pin drop.  Those things we overlook as simple and “ordinary” are truly wondrous.

A gentle reminder that the most precious things are before you: your family, your faith, your love, your good health and your friends.

I gotta say, that is about THE best answer I have ever read.

The stockbroker was nervous about being in prison because his cellmate looked like a real thug.

“Don’t worry,” the gruff looking fellow said, “I’m in here for a white collar crime too.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” sighed the stockbroker. “I was sent to prison for fraud and insider trading. How about you?”

“Oh, nothing fancy like that,” grinned the convict. “I just killed a couple of priests.”

I like that a lot!

Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger’s reservation that showed his name as “Cole, Pheven.”

“I’d like to be certain our information is correct,” I said to him. “What is your first name?”

“It’s Stephen,” he replied. “I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it’s spelled with a ph.”

Warning Signs of Inferior Cooking

 Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren.

Someone broke a tooth eating your homemade yogurt.

You have some idea what “peas porridge in a pot nine days old” tastes like.

When your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.

Your kids’ favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.

You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle.

Your kids get even with neighborhood bullies by inviting them to dinner.

Your spouse refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.

No matter what you do to it, the gravy still turns bright purple.

A little girl and a little boy were at day care. The girl approaches the boy and says, “Hey Tommy, wanna play house?”

He says, “Sure! What do you want me to do?”

The girl replies, “I want you to communicate your thoughts.”

“Communicate my thoughts?” said a bewildered Tommy. “I have no idea what that means.”

The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”

That brings us to an end.  My love to you all.