Yeah, sometimes road rage be like that. And if anyone knows anything about road rage, you can imagine that an ancient blue dragon can instruct anyone!
So…I’m a bit ahead of the game.
It’s still Sunday.
No.
Not yesterday (for you guys).
A week ago yesterday.
I had some free time and I spent it with you guys. I’m relaxing. I have a bunch of homework to do, but that will come. Right now, it’s me time. Well, me and you time.
I am rewatching The Chosen, for like the fourth time, in preparation for season five coming out! I have the first four seasons on DVD and they are OUTSTANDING! For those of you out there who haven’t seen it, I can’t give it a higher recommendation!
You know, that’s not really good enough…
There you go! That’s better! Go watch it! And you know what’s even better? If you download the Chosen App, you can watch all four seasons … FOR FREE! Just mention Impish Dragon … no, I’m kidding. Just download the app, go buy the DVDs, or go to some of the online sites like Netflix and such and you can watch them. Maybe not Netflix, but Prime probably … I’m not sure, but I know I’ve seen it on some of them.
Anyway, I’m rambling, because I’m still not looking forward to Mary’s birthday tomorrow, so let’s get into the laughter while I binge on The Chosen.
I don’t know what it is, but for eighty bucks off, I gotta have it!
Puns and one-liners from Chris, some old, some new, all funny
To the person who stole my glasses…I will find you, I have contacts!
People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
Woke up the other day in a cold sweat, terrified that I overslept for work, but quickly realized I was already at work so breathed a huge sigh of relief.
Dad: Son, you’re adopted.
Son: Wow, I wonder who my real parents are.
Dad: We are your real parents, your adopted parents are coming to pick you up.
Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, “Darn, I forgot to feed the dog.”
Someone ripped the fifth page out of my calendar. I’m dismayed.
A lot of women say their husband never listens to them. I am proud to say I have never heard my wife say that.
Got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.
Just like the economy, my waistline has suffered from inflation over the years.
I asked if I could leave work early the other day, and the boss said yes, if I made up the time. I said “sure, it’s twenty past fourteen”.
Lately, coworkers have been writing names on the food in the office fridge. I’m currently eating a sandwich named Kevin.
Man who sneezes without tissues, takes the matters in his own hands.
A prisoner’s favorite punctuation mark is the period, it marks the end of his sentence.
My father worked 12 hours a day to put food on the table. He was a slow cook.
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines, but catscan.
After my job interview, the boss handed me a helmet, sword, and armor. I asked him why? He said I would be working the knight shift.
A truck driver, who had been delivering radioactive waste for the local reactor begins to feel sick after a few years on the job. He decided to seek compensation for his ailment.
Upon his arrival at the workers’ compensation department, he is interviewed by an assessor.
Assessor: “I see you work with radio-active materials and wish to claim compensation.”
Trucker: “Yeah, I feel really sick.”
Assessor: “All right then, Does your employer take measures to protect you from radiation poisoning?”
Trucker: “Yeah, he gives me a lead suit to wear on the job.”
Assessor: “And what about the cabin in which you drive?”
Trucker: “Oh yeah. That’s lead lined, all lead lined.”
Assessor: “What about the waste itself? Where is that kept?”
Trucker: “Oh, the stuff is held in a lead container, all lead.”
Assessor: “Let me see if I get this straight. You wear a lead suit, sit in a lead-lined cabin and the radio-active waste is kept in a lead container.”
Trucker: “Yeah, that’s right. All lead.”
Assessor: “Then I can’t see how you could claim against him for radiation poisoning.”
Trucker: “I’m not suing for radiation poison. I claiming for lead poisoning!”
Two robins were sitting in a tree.
“I’m really hungry,” said the first one. “Let’s fly down and find some lunch.”
They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was full of worms. They ate and ate and ate till they could eat no more.
“I m so full, I don’t think I can fly back up into the tree,” said the first one.
“Let’s just lay back here and bask in the warm sun,” said the second.
“O K,” said the first.
So they plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, when a big fat tomcat up and gobbled them up.
As the cat sat washing his face after his meal, he thought……………..
………………”I JUST LOVE BASKIN ROBINS.”
This is is so very true!
A couple I know were discussing their wallpaper, which had just been hung.
Joe was annoyed at Debbie’s indifference to what he felt was a poor job.
“The problem is that I’m a perfectionist and you’re not,” he finally said to her.
“Exactly!” she replied. “That’s why you married me and I married you!”
That one was sent in by our good friend, Joe from NJ…and you’ll never guess what his dear wife’s name is…
One of the greatest bits of advice I’ve EVER read.
Lynn sends us the most interesting things, sometimes…
If by accident or curiosity, you’ve tasted sea water……
This image shows the microfauna that exists within a single drop of seawater, expanded 25 times.
The salty taste of the sea isn’t just salt: there are cyanobacteria, zooplankton, worms, fish eggs, crab larvae, and plenty of other insects.
This next little essay was also sent into us by Lynn…
When folks ask if anyone has heard of any miracles taking place lately, they are looking for something that cannot be explained, or something that is so extraordinary that there is nothing else to say, except that it had to be a miracle…
Give God the thanks He deserves for allowing us to have the miracle of being chosen by Him to have life – and for all the unspeakable miracles He works for us during our lifetime!
While Joe and Debbie were shopping at a mall , a shapely young woman in a short form-fitting dress strolled by… Joe’s eyes followed her.
Without looking up from the item Debbie was examining, she asked, “Was it worth the trouble you’re now in?”
I’m not even going to bother telling you who that one is from.
The GREATEST gun ever invented.
Want to add one more thing…
I knew this was true, but now, after three years, I had no idea how MUCH this was true. Every. Single. Thing. HAS Changed. None of it for the better. The only thing in my life that is better, and that makes all the rest of it livable, is my Christian walk with God. I can give you examples for every single point made in this meme. For crying-out-loud, I’ve lost 150 pounds without trying! Just because I stopped eating in grief.
I’m not here to complain and I need to stop this RIGHT HERE or I’ll drop right into a pity party that is not only inappropriate, but wrong. I have more blessings than I have any right to. I am just really lonely and miss Mary. So, let’s draw this issue to a close and I’ll go start my homework that I need to get to. My love to all of you, until we speak again.
Dragon Laffs 