Today is Monday…for you guys.  For me, it’s Saturday.

Monday, today, is Mary’s birthday.

She would have been 57 years old today.  Instead, she is in Heaven, with a perfect body, with our Heavenly Father and Jesus and having a glorious time.  

It’s just me and the rest of her family who misses her.

But that is just for a short time.  In the scheme of things, a teeny, tiny, itty-bitty short time.  Here, picture this.  See this dot –> .   Picture that dot, floating in space, right outside of earth’s orbit.  Just sitting there minding it’s own business.  Now, that dot represents your life.  Your WHOLE life.  Birth to death.  Everything you do, all the time you have to accept Christ, worship God, love your family, work, etc.  That little bitty dot.

And the whole universe represents eternity after you die.  That great vastness.  To spend with God, Jesus, your family and friends who get there, too.  So why stress over the dot?  Just accept Christ as your savior.

Preaching done…for now.

In my English-as-a-second-language class, I explained the difference between a watch and a clock.

I told the students that when it was a large timepiece on a wall and not attached to your body, it was called a clock. When it was worn on your body, it was called a watch.

A few days later we had a power outage, and our classroom clocks had not been reset. I asked Luis, who was wearing a wristwatch, for the time.

Luis looked at his wrist, and then confidently announced,

“It is exactly ten o’watch.”

That one was put together by our own Pete.  Read from top right to bottom right to top left to bottom left.

And it’s all so wrong.

When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights.

Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant.

Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar.

Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door’s edge, ready to fall on him.

As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, “Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!”

It was then he realized we’d removed the drainpipe beneath the sink.

…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

It’s worth it.  We’ll pay the tariff.

My neighbor reached 100 yesterday.

That’s the last time I ride with her when she’s late for BINGO.

This morning my son said his ear hurt and I said on the inside or outside, so he walks out the front door, comes back in and says both. Moments like this got me wondering if I’m saving too
much for college.

I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet…I get hungry.

Just because I like to walk around in my underwear eating Doritos does not make me strange. You folks in aisle 4 just need to stop staring. 

I was so tired last night I fell asleep next to the kitchen sink. I’m totally drained this morning.

I have a fear of skydiving, I may like it, but I don’t want to jump to any conclusions.

 Many people are judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

 If any of you know how to fix broken hinges, my door is always open.

I ordered a new sail for my boat, but realized I’d made a mistake. When I called to change the order, the person that answered said, “Sorry, that sail has shipped”.

 I hate hotel bath towels. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

 I’ve just heard that Little Red Riding Hood has been in hospital. She is recovering fortunately, but doctors say she’s not out of the woods yet.

 I was fired from the Psychic Hotline because they said I wasn’t doing a good job. I didn’t see that coming

My half brother and I aren’t allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.

 So whenever I think of the 80’s, I always think of a boom box. Maybe that’s just a stereo type.

 I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician…I was just sitting there doing nothing.

That ends Monday’s issues.  Until we meet again my friends.