I love to read. It is one of my top 5 passions in life. Where it ranks in the list probably depends on what it is that I’m reading at the time. Right now, I’m re-reading the Left Behind series. Mostly because I can’t find anything else to capture my interest in the category of fiction that I like. That’s one of the problems with being an avid, fast reader with discerning tastes — you run out of things to read.
I started my Bible reading plan for the year. I told you this the other day. Chronological Bible. The Bible in order of events. This has commentary written in with it that I’m enjoying quite a bit.
And I’m just tap dancing with the keyboard right now, so let’s move on to the fun stuff and if I have anything to say, I’ll add it in as it comes up, how does that sound?
That is a great idea. They look delicious!
Finding out this next one is based on a true story does not surprise me one single bit!
Somebody actually changed it to Bob before they sent it to me! That’s just mean! Funny, but mean!
I can relate…
There’s always one person who just can’t resist!
Tempted so many times to send this out in work emails
Going to do a little mail right here because it cracked me up! This is from Kris …. with a “K” who writes to tell us about a time that kinda backfired:
“Steven” reminded me of the time I went to Starbucks & the barista asked my name. I said, “Kris, with a K”. When I got my drink the barista had written “Chris Widdakay”.
I can’t imagine how that didn’t become your new nickname immediately. Either you didn’t tell anyone you worked with or they are nothing like the people I work with. You would be Chris Widdakay from that moment on. But, then again, I work with G.I.s and government civilians. Still very funny, thanks for sharing.
Looks like one of those toys that you pull backwards and let go.
This is a Christmas gift that I got from Izzy. It is a Chernobyl meltdown humidifier. I love this girl’s sense of humor!
Yeah … it’s strange, alright … And it will be strange when we get to Heaven and we are before the Judgement Seat and Jesus will turn to you and say, “I never knew you.”
*Only works for part of the world.
This next one is well worth watching till the end.
That is the coolest gif. We had a fireman come by our house when we were little kids who demonstrated the same thing with matches.
Now, this next video is long, but well worth it. Gory, but funny. It’s called, this is how you die.
This one was sent along by Joe from NJ.
Our New Year Wishes 4-U
May you get a clean bill of health from your Dentist, Psychiatrist, Ophthalmologist, Cardiologist, Gastroenterologist, Urologist, Proctologist, Gynecologist, Podiatrist, Plumber, And the IRS.
May your Hair, Teeth, Facelift, Abs, Honey cakes, and our stocks not fall.
May your Blood pressure, Triglycerides, Cholesterol, White blood count, Weight, and our mortgage interest rates not rise.
May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere in the rush hour in less than an hour And, when you get there, may you find a parking space.
May you have the strength to deal with current politics, that some of the promises made be kept, and elected fulfill at least half of what they promise.
May the miracle of reducing taxes and balancing budgets come to pass.
May the telemarketers wait until after you finish dinner to call.
May your checkbooks and budgets balance and include generous amounts for charity.
May you remember to say “I love you” at least once a day to your Spouse, Child, Parent, and your significant others.
May you smile and laugh throughout the year.
May you have a sense of humor.
Two cab drivers met. “Hey,” asked one, “why did you paint one side of your cab red and the other side blue?”
“Well,” the other responded, “when I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.”
T-Shirt Messages
* “A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Words, But It Uses Up a Thousand Times the Memory.”
* “Of Course I Don’t Look Busy — I Did It Right the First Time.”
* “When Did My Wild Oats Turn Into Shredded Wheat?”
* “My Husband and I Divorced Over Religious Differences — He Thought He Was God and I Didn’t.”
* (On the front) “I Cannot be Bought” — (On the back) “Inquire About Leasing”
* All I Ask Is a Chance to Prove That Money Can’t Make Me Happy.”
* “Practice Safe Food — Use Condiments.”
* “Five Out of Four People Don’t Understand Fractions.”
* “Men and Women Are From Earth — Deal With It.”
* “Life Is Uncertain — Eat Dessert First.”
The New Hire Said, “That’s A Woman’s Work, I Don’t Do Women’s Work,” And 29 Other People Who Were Fired On Their Literal First Day On The Job
More puns and one-liners from Chris
Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
I like my candy canes in mint condition.
Prosthetic leg for sale: This would make someone a great stocking stuffer.
Stop giving children Bible names without Bible lessons — yesterday I was robbed by Moses.
What did one chair say to another chair? Here comes another bum.
What would Wonder Woman and Spider-Man name their business? Amazon Web Services.
Sorry about the concussion Steve, but it wouldn’t be called a “trust fall” if it worked every time.
I went to that new restaurant called Karma. There’s no menu, you just get what you deserve.
My wife just said, “You weren’t even listening!” – I thought that was a weird way to start a conversation.
By shear coincidence, all sheep look the same.
I can’t get away from my broken keyboard. There’s no escape.
Every time you pull the trigger a bullet loses its job…because it gets FIRED.
Velcro. What a rip off!
The blacksmith wasn’t making much money but he forged ahead anyway
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time!
If you’re singing Christmas songs on your neighbour’s lawn at night with your church group, it’s called “caroling.”
But if you’re doing it alone with no pants on, it’s called “drunk and disorderly.”
CAT’S NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS
~*~ I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.
~*~ I will not slurp fish from the aquarium.
~*~ I must not help myself to Q-tips, and I must certainly not proceed to stuff them down the sink’s drain.
~*~ I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and puke them up so the humans can see that I’m getting plenty of roughage.
~*~ I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and scratch my owner, leaving her to bleed to death.
~*~ I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.
~*~ I will not perch on my human’s chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.
~*~ We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any humans’ bed while they’re trying to sleep.
~*~ I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.
~*~ I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
~*~ I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.
~*~ When I am chasing my tail and catch my back leg instead, I will not bite down on my foot. This hurts, and my scream scares my human.
~*~ I will not teach the parrot to meow in a loud and raucous manner.
~*~ When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.
~*~ I am a walking static generator. My human doesn’t need my help installing a new board in her computer.
~*~ I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emiognaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35 a.
~*~ The goldfish likes living in water and should be allowed to remain in its bowl.
~*~ A warm pepperoni pizza is not a good place for a nap (but the EMPTY pizza box is).
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in.
A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.
Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
One leaned over and said, “Life is so damned boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I’d take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!”
“You’re on!” said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 bill.
As fast as she could, the first little old lady fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the flower show.
Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause.
The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd.
“What happened?” asked her waiting friend.
“I won first prize as Best Dried Arrangement
Everybody likes to imitate perfection.
Finally! FINALLY! Someone speaking with some sense over the whole global warming, carbon stupidity thing! Special thanks to Sasquatch for sending this to me…a while ago, but I’m just now getting into a bunch of old emails that were on the server that I’ve been fighting to get to. But, watch this video. This guy makes sense and tells the truth!
My visual hallucinations are getting worse…
But at least now I’m seeing a doctor!
And a very special message from our dear and loyal friend …
And that, my friends, is that. May God Bless you and keep you until we meet again.
Dragon Laffs 
As a matter of fact, I brought the cup back to my courthouse & showed everyone. One coworker started calling me Kris with a K and then some of the others picked up on it. Five or six years later, I’m still Kris with a K.
Great edition, as always, so thanks again.
Book Tip: The seven last years by Carol Balizet.