So, what is normal?  Normal is things back to the way they usually are.

But Impish, the way things usually are is pretty abnormal!

Right!  So, for us, that’s normal.

So, abnormal is normal?

Yes.

Yes?

Yes.  Why can’t you take “yes” for an answer?

Um…because…um…since…um…nevermind.  Normal.

Right.  ‘swhat I said.  Normally abnormal.  Or would that be abnormally normal?  See!  Now you’ve got me confused!

Wasn’t my intention.

Well, good job!  You did it anyway!  Now what am I gonna do?!?!  Geez!  Look, let’s just get into the funny stuff and hopefully all of this will work itself out as we go along.

Oh good.  The government will figure it out now.

Well, if that last is an example of Government work … maybe they won’t figure out the drone thing.

Cop rescued ‘baby Jesus’ abandoned in a box — 24 yrs later, he’s stunned to learn who the kid grew up to be

A police lieutenant rescued an abandoned infant over 20 years ago and was overwhelmed with joy on reuniting with him.

Okay, just drop me off here.  You can come round and pick me back up tomorrow…late tomorrow.  I might be done by then.

1 jar of peanut butter, 1 tree killed.

That is so weird!  I wonder what it is that he was burning.

This was me at last year’s New Year’s Party.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. 

– Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

Freaked Out
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

Who me?  I’m fine, too.

When his eyes began to give him trouble, a man went to a ophthalmologist in Prague. 

The doctor showed the patient the eye chart, displaying the letters CVKPNWXSCZ. 

“Can you read that?” the doctor asked. 

“Can I read it?” the Czech replied.  “I dated his sister!” 

Yup!  Every single day at work for me!  As I am writing this, I am celebrating the golden anniversary of my 16th birthday!

And there is the problem in a nutshell.  When you give in to the sins of the body and don’t live for the spirit you run into this every single time.  You are free to do whatever you want, but not everything you want is going to uplift you spiritually.  What doesn’t uplift you spiritually is going to drive you towards death.  Not the bodily death.  We are all going to face that some day, but the spiritual death, which is the separation of your spirit from God.

God gave us free will, so we can do whatever we want, because He wants us to love Him and worship Him freely.  Not because we are told to.  Not because we have to.  But because we WANT to.  Do you want your children to love you because you told them to love you or because you forced them to love you?  Of course not.  Neither does God.

Don’t you try to teach your children that there are consequences for their actions?  Well, I’ll grant you that there seem to be a lot of parents out there who haven’t taught their children that lesson properly.  If they had, there wouldn’t be as many problems in the world AND they wouldn’t be so quick to defend their children’s moronic behavior.  I use as exhibit #1, the mother who had this to say on camera (and I’m paraphrasing here), “It’s terrible when a mother has to be so worried about her son being shot while robbing a convenience store…”  as if robbing a convenience store is an everyday acceptable practice for a young man to partake in!

But for the rest of us, don’t we try to teach our children that there are consequences for our actions?  And don’t we think that God is telling us of the consequences of our actions here on earth?

He is…

It’s all in the book.  Look it up.

Don’t give in to the wants and desires of the body.  Why do you think Satan made them feel so good?  If they felt bad, they’d be easy to avoid.

Okay, let me climb back down off this soapbox and we’ll continue on.

A Swedish man was bored. He was bored with his work, bored with his life in general. He felt as there was nothing waiting for him in this life… 
…until one day, at the breakfast table, he was reading the morning paper, when he saw an article, which would change his life. 

It said: ” …Scientist’s had found out, that somewhere in Africa, one could still find tribes of genuine cavemen, untouched by civilization. Only thing needed was to find the correct cave and shout “Wohoo!!” and the tribe would answer to this call.” “This is it!” the swede thought. “This is what I’ve been waiting for! I’ll sell everything I own, go to Africa, find these cavemen, and become rich and famous!” 

And so he did. He sells everything, moves to Africa and starts looking for the tribe. But cave after cave after cave, no answer. No cavemen.

Until one day, yet another cave, and another yell: “Juhuuu!!” And then he heard it! ” WWOOOOUU WOOOOOO !!!! ” 

“Härregud!” The Swede thought, “A whole tribe!” And just as he was starting to run to the cave, he thought: “Now wait a minute. These are cavemen. They don’t wear any clothes, and I might scare then off.” So he stripped his clothes off quickly, and started to run into the cave. 

The following day, he was in the headlines all over the world: “Naked Swede run over by a train in Africa” 

And THAT…in one little gif, could be the whole story of my life!

Joey and his classmates had just finished a tour of the local fire hall.

Before each student could leave, the fire chief quizzed him. 

The fire chief asked little Joey, “What do you do if your clothes catch on fire?” 

Joey replied promptly, “I don’t put them on.” 

Gentlemen: I have been traveling On trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day.
I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip.
 I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago. 

Yours truly, A Commuter 


Dear Sir: We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history.
The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot. 

Sincerely, The Railway 


Gentlemen: I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. 
If you will refer to the Bible, Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.
That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years. 

In Pennsylvania Station in New York the ticket Inspector was having difficulty with a pair of soldiers.  Hearing the commotion, a young lieutenant hastened to the scene. 

“What’s the matter here?” he asked. 

“These two soldiers,” complained the railway employee, “insist on going through the gate without tickets.” 

“I’ll handle this, said officer.  Turning to the soldiers, he commanded, “Forward march!”  he led them through the gate and onto the train.  “All right,” he advised the G.I’s, “at ease!” 

“Say, Lieutenant, thanks a lot,” said one of the soldiers.

He shrugged, “Don’t mention it.  I don’t have a ticket either.

A well-dressed business man was walking down the street when Little Johnny, covered in soot said to him respectfully, “Sir, can you tell me the time?”

The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, “It is a quarter to three, young man.”

“Thanks,” said Johnny. “At exactly three o’clock you can kiss my ass.”

With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him. 

He has not been running long when an old friend stopped him. “Why are you running like this at your age?” asked the friend.

Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, “That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!”

“So what’s your hurry?” said the friend. “You still have ten minutes.”

Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work.  “Guess what, mate,” says the first IT guy, “yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar.” 

“What did you do?” says the other IT guy. 

“Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to take all her clothes off.” 

“You’re kidding me!” says the second IT guy. 

“I took her miniskirt off, and then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop.” 

“Really?  You got a new laptop?” 

I had no  idea what a cut shell was until I watched this.

New York, Greene law

During a concert, it is illegal to eat peanuts and walk backwards on the sidewalks.

That’s WAY too specific not to have been enacted for a particular person or reason.

Is it REALLY necessary to put up signs like that?

The weather was very hot and a man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. 

He didn’t bring his swimming outfit, but He was all alone.   So he undressed and got into the water. 

After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction.  He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby.  He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed  with relief.

The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. 

Then one of the ladies said: ‘You know , I have a special gift,  I can read minds.’ 

‘Impossible’, said the embarrassed man, ‘You really know what I think?’

‘Yes’, the lady replied, ‘Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you’re holding has a bottom.’ 

Well that’s great…but I STILL don’t know what it is.

No kidding.  And it will slap you in the face like the back of your lover’s hand.  

A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue – including the ticket inspector on the train. 

He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. 

When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. 

“No,” I confessed. 

“Then that explains,” she said, “why you didn’t bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train.” 

What a truly marvelous way of looking at things.  And what a truly marvelous place to stop.  May you all have a blessed day and be happy and safe until we meet again.