So, it’s Sunday and I’m trying to get a jump on Thursday’s issue so I don’t end up missing out again this week.  It would be really great if I could get the whole thing done in time tonight.  Not counting on it, but maybe I can if I keep the editorializing to a minimum and the laughter to a maximum. 

You guys would probably like that more, anyway, right? 

Right? 

Hmm, it’s awfully quiet out there… so let’s just jump right into the issue and see where it leads us then shall we?

Aaannnddd… I guess I am going to start editorializing right off the bat.  So, okay.  So, here goes… So, in what insane land of make-believe do you ladies think that putting a ring in your nose or anything else for that matter … and yes, for this man, that even includes those little diamond (fake or real) nose studs (or whatever you call them) … makes you look attractive?  It makes you look like a milk cow!  Like I should clip a snap ring on it and lead you around by it.  Put you out in the field and keep you in one place so you don’t wander off.  If you take offense to that, I’m sorry.  It looks asinine.  Would you more beautiful, women (notice the term “woman”) please mentor the girls (notice the term “girl”) and straighten them out?  One of my grandsons is going to bring home one of these milk cows and I’m going to embarrass them both.

And let’s start the issue off right with…

40 Fun Photos to Fuel Your Morning

Editorializing again…sigh…what’s wrong with proper English?  Even in a text message?  Now, I know buddy Wheats and I will text some crazy crap to each other, but we text each other daily and have know each other since we were roommates in Germany in 1981, so a 43 year friendship overrides most stuff.  Besides, we do more accents than stupid stuff like B4 and UR and the like.  Let’s put it this way…if you guys don’t stop with the stupid stuff, we’ll all start writing in cursive.  Or in “longhand” as it was known when I was growing up.

This next one is from Leah…

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐧 𝐌𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐖𝐚𝐬 𝐌𝐚𝐝𝐞?

The American Fotoplayer was a form of player piano, electrically-driven, with augmented orchestral effects, including organ pipes, percussion instruments and assorted sound effects (whistles, doorbells, bird song, gun shots, thunder etc.). The organ could be played manually, as shown below, but it also took piano rolls as with a conventional player piano, each of which would be designed for particular genres and scenes. An operator (often an usherette, it is said) would therefore have to switch from one roll to another as the action changed.

Photoplayers were first introduced around 1910, and were produced in their thousands in the United States. Generally they were installed in smaller cinemas throughout the silent era, as the amplification was not good enough to larger theaters. Their peak years were the late teens, and production tailed off after 1925. Only a hundred or so exist today—one of those can be found in the home of Joe Rinaudo (seen here), a Silent Cinema Historian and Preservationist. Fotoplayers were dumped once the talkies arrived, but continued to be in cartoons.

And this one is from Lynn…

This Sunday, at 0200 hrs, it suddenly becomes 0100 hrs again and we all get an extra hour of sleep!  It’s the good one.

Qiantang, the world’s largest tidal bore

Lynn started this with this gif and I found the YouTube.  What fun!

Actually, I think it’s closer to 98% and 2%, but who’s counting.

I AM!

And so should you be!  2% of the population is standing between evil and the other 98%.  They voluntarily said that they would give up their very lives for people they don’t even know!  “Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.” That’s John 15:13.  Everyone…EVERYONE should thank a VET … every day.  I do.  (And cops and firefighters and EMTs, too.) 

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man.  If you want anything done, ask a woman. 

-Margaret Thatcher (1925 – 2013 )

Yeah, I could give an Amen to that one, also.

A colleague was invited to hold a speech in Japan. Aware of his reputation as a very good speaker, he was surprised that his audience did not react at all to any of his perfectly timed jokes and witticisms. In fact, the audience did not react to anything he said. 

Somewhat put down, he went back to his seat and a Japanese gentleman appeared on the stage. 

This man had a terrific success! People laughed and applauded, and although the original speaker could not understand one bit of what was said, still he started to applaud, as the man evidently deserved praise for this perfect speech. 

He was interrupted by the chairman of the conference, “No no, sir. You must not applaud.” 

Dumfounded, he protested: “But why? This man is obviously a very good speaker.” 

“No sir, you must not applaud. He is translating your speech.” 

Things That Can Drive A Sane Person Insane:

· The tiny red string on the Band-Aid wrapper that never works.

· There are always one or two ice cubes that won’t pop out of the tray.

· You have to try on a pair of sunglasses with that stupid little plastic tag in the middle of them. 

· The person behind you in the supermarket runs his cart into the back of your ankle.

· The elevator stops on every floor and nobody gets on.

· There’s always a car riding your tail when you’re slowing down to find an address. 

· You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.

· There’s a dog in the neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING!

· You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.

· Three hours and three meetings after lunch you look in the mirror and discover a piece of parsley stuck to your front tooth. 

· You drink from a soda can into which someone has extinguished a cigarette.

· You slice your tongue licking an envelope.

· Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you’re trying to get a reading. 

· A station comes in brilliantly when you’re standing near the radio but buzzes, drifts and spits every time you move away.

· You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint. 

· The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.

· A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.

· You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7 PM instead of 7 am.

· You rub on hand cream and can’t turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.

· Your glasses slide off your ears when you perspire.

· You can’t look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because you don’t know how to spell it. 

The flight was coming into Dallas when a combination of mechanical errors and unstable weather caused the plane to start plummeting to the ground! 

The pilot feverishly worked his controls, and finally, the engines roared back to life in time to prevent the plane from going splat on the ground!

As the plane landed, airport officials rushed to the disembarking gate and were stunned to see 200 midgets shakily get off the plane. 

Finally the crew got off the plane and the local manager of the airline came up to congratulate him on his perseverance under extreme odds. 

As the official and the pilot were talking, the official commented how unusual it was that there were so many midgets on the flight.

“Those weren’t midgets,” the pilot replied. Those were Texans with all the shit scared out of them!”

Abe and Esther were flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.  Suddenly over the public address system the Captain announces, 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news.  Our engines have ceased functioning, and we will attempt an emergency landing.  Luckily I see an uncharted island below us, and we should be able to land on the beach. The odds, however, are that we will may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!” 

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew the plane lands safely on the island. An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, “Esther, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?”

“No, sweetheart,” she responds. 

Abe still shaken from the crash landing then asks, “Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?” 

“Oy, no!  I’m sorry.  I forgot to send the check,” she says. 

“One last thing, Esther.  Did you remember to send a check for the Synagogue Building Fund this month,” he asks? 

“Oy, forgive me, Abie,” begged Esther. “I didn’t sent that one, either.” 

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years. 

Esther pulls away and asks him, “So, what have I done to deserve that?” 

Abe answers,  “They’ll find us.”

WWWHHHHOOOOOOOOAAAAA!!!!!!!   LET’S GOOOOO!!!!!

Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!” 

Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!!” 

“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!”, says another, flicking his tail. 

At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!” 

The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog.”

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. 

“Your honor,” he said, “I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.” 

“Why ?” asked the judge. “He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?” 

“Well, your honor,” replied Carlson, “I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole

I feel and react the exact same way…every morning.

Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly button. In its place was a golden screw. All the doctors told his mother that there was nothing they could do.  Like it or not, he was stuck with it. 

All the years of growing up was real tough on him because all who saw the screw made fun of him. He avoided ever leaving his house and thus, never made any friends. 

One day, a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him of a Swami in Tibet who could get rid of the screw for him. He was thrilled. The next day he took all of his life’s savings and bought a ticket to Nepal.

After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a giant monastery. The swami knew exactly why he had come. He was told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the following day, when he awoke, the screw would have been removed. 

The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep. During the night while he slept, a purple fog floated in an open window, bearing in its mist a golden screwdriver. In just moments, the screwdriver removed the screw and disappeared out the window. 

The next morning when the boy awoke, he saw the golden screw lying on the pillow next to him. Reaching down, he felt his navel, and there was no screw there! 

Jubilant, he leaped out of bed, and his butt fell off. 

The moral of this story is:  
Don’t screw around with things you don’t understand.You could lose your ass!

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde’s ear? 

A: Data transfer.

Which is the curved road?

So, Joe says this might be a repeat, but it’s funny enough to play again..

These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgow 


1. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital. 

3. Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. 

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 

9.. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission. 

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful. 

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 

12. She is numb from her toes down. 

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 

14. The skin was moist and dry. 

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. 

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy. 

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 

21  Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.. 

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present. 

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. 

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities 

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room. 

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. 

29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. 

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December. 

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. 

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. 

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better. 

And with that we’re going to end this one here.  Love and happiness to you all.