Dragon Laffs #2347

Posted on September 23, 2024 by impishdragon

Good morning my dear, dear friends and family.  Thank you all so very much for all your kind and generous donations.  You have been truly wonderful again this year, and again this year we remain solvent for another year.  Thank you.  Here then is the final Wall of Fame for 2024!

I am exhausted.  It’s Friday night and I have an SAPC event tomorrow morning.  SAPC is Substance Abuse Prevention Council.  Miami County Living Free, my ministry group, is a part of SAPC and will have a booth set up there tomorrow morning and I will be there, so I need to call it a night and get some sleep.  I have been so tired all day long today.

So, I will get back with you guys tomorrow, but for now, I’ll get you started with a couple of funnies. 

Why I’m always tired:

I wanted to put the games & puzzles on a new shelf, but the stuff already on the shelf needed to go to the closet.

I opened the closet and noticed that it needed to be vacuumed before I could put anything in it so I went to get the vacuum.
The vacuum needed to be emptied before it could be used so I went to the kitchen trash can and while I was there I cleaned all the trash off the countertops, too.
I made it back to the closet with the vacuum, but I needed a certain attachment to get in the corners, so I went to the laundry room to fetch the attachment.
While I was in the laundry room, I remembered that I never put the wet clothes in the dryer.
When I went to put the wet clothes in the dryer, I found that the blanket in the dryer didn’t get all the way dry, so I restarted the dryer and grabbed the vacuum attachment.
I finally vacuumed the closet and since I did that much, I decided to do the hallway, and since I did that much I figured I might as well vacuum the bedroom, too.
Halfway through the bedroom I noticed that I had laid the clean sheets on the bed, but never put them on.
I turned off the vacuum to make the bed, but before I could get to the sheets my husband yelled at the dog because she stole a sock from the dirty clothes when I was in the laundry room.
I chased the dog down, got my sock back, went to put it back in the laundry basket and tripped over the vacuum cord.
Now the house is half vacuumed, wet clothes are still in the washer, the dog is pouting because I took the sock away, I still don’t have clean sheets on the bed. The shelf is still piled with stuff that needs to go in the closet, and the games & puzzles are still in a box.

And this is why I’m always tired even when it looks like I’ve not done a thing.

~Mandy McCarty Harris

And the exact same route (up hill) to get home again.

Isn’t it funny how what we want to hear sounds so much more truthful than the truth.

Vessel Rescued in English Channel After Emergency Call to Dover, Delaware, Instead of Dover, England

Dover Ferry Port – credit John Fielding

When Dover Police Department responders picked up the phone on August 27th, who knows what was more surprising: that the caller’s ship was sinking, or that he had an East European accent.

The phone call arrived in the US State of Delaware’s capital city, but the man, an Albanian, was talking about the English Channel—over 3,500 miles away.

For the rest of this great article that Stephanie sent us, click HERE.

This is one sent in by Lynn.  It’s called:

The Mountains

Have you ever noticed how in the scriptures men are always going up into the mountains to commune with the Lord?

Yet in the scriptures we hardly ever hear of women going to the mountains.
But we know why — right?
Because the women were too busy keeping life going;
they couldn’t abandon babies,
meals,
homes,
fires,
gardens,
and a thousand responsibilities to make the climb into the mountains!
I was talking to a friend the other day, saying that as modern woman I feel like I’m never “free” enough from my responsibilities, never in a quiet enough space I want with God.
Her response floored me, “That is why God comes to women. Men have to climb the mountain to meet God, but God comes to women wherever they are.”
I have been pondering on her words for weeks and have searched my scriptures to see that what she said is true. God does indeed come to women where they are, when they are doing their ordinary, everyday work.
He meets them at the wells where they draw water for their families, in their homes, in their kitchens, in their gardens.
He comes to them as they sit beside sickbeds, as they give birth, care for the elderly,
and perform necessary mourning and burial rites.
Even at the empty tomb, Mary was the first to witness Christ’s resurrection. She was there because she was doing the womanly chore of properly preparing Christ’s body for burial.
In these seemingly mundane and ordinary tasks, these women of the scriptures found themselves face to face with divinity.
So if — like me — you ever start to bemoan the fact that you don’t have as much time to spend in the mountains with God as you would like. Remember, God comes to women. He knows where we are and the burdens we carry. He sees us, and if we open our eyes and our hearts we will see Him, even in the most ordinary places and in the most ordinary things.
He lives. And He’s using a time such as this to speak to women around the world.

Original 🖌: Heather F.

That was beautiful.  Thanks for sharing, Lynn.

I was going to throw the flag on this one because I thought, “It can’t be that stupidly easy.”  But upon further examination, yes, indeed.  It is that stupidly easy.

The pope is SO WRONG in this.  Not all religions lead to God.  I’ll show you one simple way to disprove that right off.  Knowing that the Bible is the unerring Word of God, Jesus says in John 14:6 “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”  Therefore, any religion that doesn’t believe Jesus is the risen Messiah can’t lead to God and must be false and therefore, what the pope said is WRONG.  And as many of my Catholic friends have pointed out, he was speaking unofficially when he said that (I forget what the exact term is … ex cathedra (?) or something like that) so it was just, as they put it, “the ramblings of an old man.”  So many of them disagree with what this pope has said that it’s not funny.

This next one is excellent!

Boy, ain’t that the truth!

8-year-old drives car from Bedford to Bainbridge Township before being found

BEDFORD, Ohio – An 8-year-old girl on Sunday took a car on a drive and crashed into s mailbox before she was found later at a Target store miles away, according to a Bedford police report.

Police said they received a call at about 9 a.m. of the missing 8-year-old and a 2020 Nissan Rogue.

After receiving details from family members that they had last seen the girl at about 7 a.m., police began a search.

A neighbor’s camera showed the girl driving away in the car, the police report said. Bedford Heights police also received a report of a juvenile driving a vehicle east on Rockside Road.

Bainbridge police a short time later found the vehicle, abandoned, in a Target parking lot in Bainbridge Township. Police found the girl inside the store.

The girl told police that while driving, she had hit a mailbox. Damage was discovered to the vehicle. There was no mention in the report of any injuries.

8 years old!  I’m trying to get my 23 year old to drive…wow!

Not sure if I used this one or not, but it’s so good, it’s worth using again.

Aug 9, 2024 A powerful explosion at Ningbo Port, a major Chinese port, set off a massive fireball on a cargo ship. The incident occurred after a hazardous goods container suddenly exploded. The CCTV footage revealed a huge burst of white smoke followed by an intense orange and yellow fireball that dispersed debris. The explosion led to a massive fire that completely engulfed the containers stacked above the blast site, causing significant destruction.

These are the things that interest me in my job.  For you, that may have been why your Chinese made product didn’t arrive on time.

One of the things that I hear from the guys in the jail all the time for why they haven’t gone to the Lord or for why they haven’t gone back to the Lord is this: “You have no idea what I’ve done.  You have no idea of the sins that I’ve committed.  God could NEVER forgive me of the stuff that I’ve done.”  God will forgive ANYTHING!  If you come before Him truly repentant and looking to change.  Look, if Jesus was willing to forgive the very people who abused Him, beat Him, spit on Him, peeled the skin from His bones, and then hung Him from a cross and killed Him, (Luke 23:34) I am convinced, without a shadow of a doubt, that He will forgive you for your sins if you come to Him in true and honest desire.  

A study published in “Neurology” says people who snore are more prone to getting headaches. No reason is given.

I wonder – could it be on account of their spouses hitting them in the head all night long trying to get them to stop snoring?

Or perhaps it’s from spending so much time without oxygen when their spouse keeps covering their face with a pillow trying to get them to stop.

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. 

After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.

So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. 

The farmer simply replied, “They’re all lookin’ to get married, so you came to the right place.  Look them over and select the one you want.” 

The man dated the first daughter. 

The next day the farmer asked for the man’s opinion. “Well” said the man, ” She’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed.” 

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls.

So the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. “Well,” the man replied, “She’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed.” 

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better.  So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect! She’s the one I want to marry!” 

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. 

When the man visited the nursery he was horrified.  

The baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. 

“Well,” explained the farmer, “She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her.” 

Yeah, a lot of you younger folks aren’t going to get that one.

 

So…. okay … I’ll help you out…

While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. 

I asked one nurse what the pin signified. 

Nothing,” she said with a smile. “It’s just to keep the doctors away.” 

SIGNS SHE IS BORED IN BED: 

Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass. 

Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire. 

Only moans during commercial breaks. 

You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show. 

During the act, she actually yelled out, “Oh, Baby, Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.” 

Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook better. 

Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin. 

Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along. 

Keeps asking “Are you SURE you’re not gay?” 

Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on too. 

Starts her fake orgasm during foreplay 

Screenshot

This was sent to me by a long time reader and I found it quite interesting.  I don’t think I agree with it, but I can see as how some people could espouse this opinion.  Definitely an interesting article.

Best case scenario for Republicans is for Trump to lose soundly

Many die hard Republicans are secretly hoping so they can move on to becoming real Republicans.

https://www.alternet.org/trump-lose-soundly/

“The best possible outcome in November for the future of the Republican Party is for former President Donald Trump to lose and lose soundly,” Martin wrote. “Trump will never concede defeat, no matter how thorough his loss. Yet the more decisively Vice President Kamala Harris wins the popular vote and electoral college the less political oxygen he’ll have to reprise his 2020 antics; and, importantly, the faster Republicans can begin building a post-Trump party.”

Here’s the fact check that ABC didn’t give Kamala Harris

During Tuesday night’s debate, ABC News moderators David Muir and Linsey Davis interrupted Donald Trump five times to “fact-check” his answers.

They did the same to Kamala Harris … never.

The vice president was allowed to skate through the debate without substantive follow-up questions or pushback on some of her obviously false claims.

So since ABC didn’t do its job, here are some of the fact checks they should have made:

For the rest of this article click

Pearls Before Swine

And here’s our buddy Wouter from South Africa with a BUNCH of tombstones.  Some we’ve seen before and some are new.  I’ll give you a bit now and a bit next time.

Karma will get you!

Quote:

If you are going through hell, keep going. 

-Sir Winston Churchill(1874-1965)

I went to a restaurant that was so expensive that they didn’t have prices on the menu – just little faces with varying expressions of horror.

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. A surprising coincidence was that both were blind from birth. 

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. “Oh, my,” said the bunny, “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been blind since birth, so, I can’t see where I’m going. In fact, since I’m also an orphan, I don’t even know what I am.” 

“It’s quite okay,” replied the snake. “Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you’ll have that going for you.” “Oh, that would be wonderful,” replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, “Well, you’re covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I’d say that you must be a bunny.”

“Oh, thank you! Thank you,” cried the bunny in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, “Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you’ve helped me.”

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, “Well, you’re scaly and very smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I’d say you must be either a politician, an attorney, or possibly someone in upper management.” 

And that’s it my friends.  I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did putting it together.  I am now off to do homework…of which I have a TON to get caught up on.  May God Bless you all with Love and Happiness until we can be together again.

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