It’s a big weekend.  Father’s Day is tomorrow, yesterday would have been the 14th anniversary of Leprechaun Laffs is our brother Lethal had survived his wounds.  And Monday is the 18th anniversary of Dragon Laffs.  Needless to say, it’s a pretty a big party weekend around Dragon Laffs headquarters.  I’m trying really hard to get this issue done on Friday night and I can’t find a sober goblin or a straight fae anywhere around this place.

I think there’s actually a passed out editor under a table that I’m going to need in just a little while.  I’m going to need to find a big bucket with ice water and another big bucket of coffee.  So, let’s go ahead and get the laughter going while I try to sober some of these…

HEY!  Watch out for that drunk guy on the floor!  Stop stepping on him on purpose!  Well, yeah, if you want to draw on him with permanent marker, that’s okay. Yes, I think glasses on an owl bear is very funny.  Ha, ha. 

Sheesh, see what I mean.  There’s going to be an entire weekend of this.  There usually is.  But it doesn’t normally line up with Father’s Day and an election year.  There’s a Biden effigy burning in the dining room and a Trump effigy burning on the balcony and a couple of others that I don’t even recognize.  Yeah, we pretty much detest all politicians around here.  We were really liking a couple of people and following them pretty close but they all kind of dropped out…as we knew they would because they couldn’t stand up to the machines.

HEY!  NO!  WE DO NOT DO THAT STUFF AROUND HERE!  YOU WANT TO PULL THAT KIND OF STUFF AND SHOVE YOUR NAKED BUTT IN SOMEONE’S FACE JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE PASSED  OUT AND YOU’LL BE LOOKING FOR A JOB SOMEWHERE ELSE AND ONLY THEN IF YOU CAN GET OUT OF HERE FASTER THAN I CAN BREATH FIRE!  YOU UNDERSTANDING ME BUDDY??!!!  

Everyone in my employ is protect by me whether they are conscious and upright or they are passed out drunk and they all know it.  That’s one of the reasons they feel free enough to cut loose when they have the opportunity because most times I work their butts off.  Laughter is hard work around here.

Anyway, I’m going to go make the rounds while you guys laugh for a little bit.

I’m not sure if I’ve recently used this next one or whether I’ve just recently read this next one.  So, I’m going to run it again, because I know I didn’t have the picture to go with it.  So, if you’ve seen it from me recently than I apologize.  If you haven’t seen it from me recently, than thanks to Leah D.

According to a 19th century legend, the Truth and the Lie meet one day. The Lie says to the Truth: “It’s a marvelous day today”! The Truth looks up to the skies and sighs, for the day was really beautiful.

They spend a lot of time together, ultimately arriving beside a well. The Lie tells the Truth: “The water is very nice, let’s take a bath together!” The Truth, once again suspicious, tests the water and discovers that it indeed is very nice. They undress and start bathing. Suddenly, the Lie comes out of the water, puts on the clothes of the Truth and runs away. The furious Truth comes out of the well and runs everywhere to find the Lie and to get her clothes back. The World, seeing the Truth naked, turns its gaze away, with contempt and rage.

The poor Truth returns to the well and disappears forever, hiding therein, its shame. Since then, the Lie travels around the world, dressed as the Truth, satisfying the needs of society, because, the World, in any case, harbors no wish at all to meet the naked Truth.

The world famous painting- “The Truth coming out of the well” Jean-Léon Gérôme, 1896

Iowa, Marshalltown Law 

Horses are forbidden to eat fire hydrants 

I really want to know how/why they felt it necessary to enact this law.

A friend of mine claims this happened to a friend of hers: 

She had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift. Aha, thought she, I have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding that I never use. I’ll just take it to a silversmith and have him remove my monogram and put hers on it.  And you have one cheap wedding present! 

So she took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove her monogram and put the new one on. 

The silversmith took a look at the tray, shook his head, and said, 

“Lady, you can only do this so many times!”

Selma and Irving receive a wedding invitation in the mail.

Since it was many years since they were invited anywhere, they read it with glee, very excited that they were asked to attend a wedding.

All was fine until they reached the last line.Confused, Irving asks Selma, “Selma, vat does this”RSVP” mean?”

Selma was at a loss, as for the life of her, she simply couldn’t remember. Finally, she cries out:

“Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP!! It means “Remember, Send Vedding Present!”

A man was showing his friend a new set of matched golf clubs he had just bought. 

“Doctor’s orders,” the man told his friend. “My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it.

He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs.” 

“What did you buy your wife?” the friend asked. 

The man said, “A new matching bicycle and lawn mower.”

Q. Why do blonde nurses carry a red Magic Marker? 
A. In case they have to draw blood. 

And speaking of farts… (yeah, I know…) here’s a comment on the website:

Wow!  I would LOVE that!!!

Why don’t dogs make good dancers?

Because they have two left feet.

I saw a headline or a tweet or something where one of those famous chefs threw him out of his restaurant.  I couldn’t find the story because I was on the way to a meeting, let me see if I can find it now… oh man!  It was a satire post!  Darn!  Okay, moving on.

Ohio, Marion Law

You can’t eat a donut and walk backward on a city street

Okay, there’s another one where you gotta wonder…WHY?

LOL!  The perfect Father’s Day meme.

Here’s an oldie that’s been around for a long time.  …  Okay, so that was a pretty dumb statement.  If we’re calling it an oldie, that literally means it’s been around for a long time.  Man, I’m tired.  I think I’m the only sober person left.  I’m exhausted and need to go to bed.  Let’s try this again with just the normal picture, shall we?

WHY IT’S GOOD TO BE A MAN

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

You can “do” your nails with a pocketknife.

You don’t have to shave below your neck.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You don’t care if someone notices your new haircut.

You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too “icky”.

Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.

People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”

One mood, ALL the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You can leave the motel bed unmade.

Dry cleaners and hair stylists don’t rob you blind.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $10.00 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.

You don’t have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.

You can quietly watch a game with a buddy for hours without thinking: “He must be mad at me.”

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

Why Some Americans Should Not Be Let Out Of The Country (Actual comments from US travel agents……)

1). I had someone ask for an aisle seat so that their hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.

2). A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?”

3). I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with “I’m not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts.” Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, calmly explained, “Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa.” Her response … clicks.

4). A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, “Don’t lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state.”

5). I got a call from a man who asked, “Is it possible to see England from Canada?” I said, “No.” He said, “But they look so close on the map.”

6). Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, “I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the Gates to save time.”

7). A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 am and got into Chicago at 8:33 am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

8). A woman called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to who?” I said, “No, why do you ask?” She replied, “Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I’m overweight, is there any connection?” After putting her on hold for a minute while I looked into it” (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

9). I just got off the telephone with a man who asked, “How do I know which plane to get on?” I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have numbers on them.”

10). A woman called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes.” I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah, whatever.”

11). A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. “Oh no I don’t, I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express.”

12). A woman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York.” The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?” “Yes, what flights do you have?” replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find a Hippopotamus anywhere.” The customer retorted, Oh don’t be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!” The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?” “That’s it! I knew it was a big animal!”

An officer in the U.S. Naval reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and the French Navy.  

At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies.

The French admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English.

He then asked: ” Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you speak French? “

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: ” Maybe it’s because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you would not have to speak German. “

The group became silent.

And that is all for today my friends.  I’ll try and put one together for Monday if I can find anyone sober enough around here to run the presses.  Until then, may I wish all you Fathers a wonderful day on Sunday and until we meet again…May God Bless you all with comfort, love and happiness.