So, it’s still Memorial Day as I start this.  And I’m in the middle of an essay based on “Thank you for your service.  I’m not sure where I’m going with it, but there’s also an awful lot of Matthew 25 in there and the parable of the Sheep and the Goats.  If you’re familiar at all with that parable, I’m sure you can see the parallel with “Service”.  

It’s been a depressing day for me today, thinking about old and distant friends and what some of them have given up and missed out on.  Some of them have given the ultimate sacrifice.  

Why don’t we take better care of our veterans?  Boy, that’s a topic for an entire book.  It annoys me so much that we are welcoming illegals into our country, giving them our money, a place to live and food to eat and we still have homeless vets.  Men and women who have offered to give up their lives for this country and ask only that this country fulfill their promise and take care of them.  That was part of the deal.  Maybe not written out, but it was certainly implied, right?  No man left behind?  Haven’t all those vets that are wondering our streets with no place to live been left behind?

Okay, I’m going to start ranting and other things if I keep on this path, so let’s do some laughing before it’s time to go to bed and go back to work in the morning.

If every time someone asks you to do something you gasp quietly and whisper to yourself, “Just as the Prophecy foretold,” people will eventually stop asking you to do things.

I am definitely going to start doing this!

I don’t know, but it’s a cool picture.

No!  No, no, no, NO!

I am beginning to think I will never be old enough to know better.

The moon is actually more useful than the sun, since the moon gives us light at night when it’s dark.  The sun only gives us light during the day, when it’s already bright out.

I work at an alphabet soup factory.  Don’t laugh, I made fifty G’s last week!

Why is it ALWAYS Bob?

“Gathering nuts and berries, you say?”

I tried to embrace my inner child today and the little jerk bit me.

Of course I’m an organ donor. 

Who wouldn’t want a piece of this?

Billion Dollar Idea:

A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell,

“I’m just cooking!”

I am not!

I was heartbroken when my wife told me that my five-year-old was not my son. 

Then she told me to pay more attention at kindergarten pickup.

Most people think that the T-Rex can’t clap because its arms are too short.

But really it’s because they’re all dead.

The people who make fitted sheets need to sit down with the people who make mattresses and get on the same page.  Making the bed shouldn’t be like putting a swimming cap over a fridge.

“Signs Found In Kitchens”

Clean enough to be healthy but dirty enough to be happy.

So this isn’t Home Sweet Home.

Ring Bell for Maid Service. If no answer do it yourself!

I clean house every other day. Today is the other day!

I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!

A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life.

I came, I saw, I decided to order take out

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

A balanced diet is dark chocolate in one hand and white chocolate in the other.

Remember only dull women have immaculate houses.

And that’s what we’ve come to…overstating the obvious for the moronic.

Once upon a time, a blonde became so sick of hearing blonde jokes that she had her hair cut and dyed brown. A few days later, as she was out driving around the countryside, she stopped her car to let a flock of sheep pass.

Admiring the cute wooly creatures, she said to the shepherd, “If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one?”

The shepherd, always the gentleman, said, “Sure!” The blonde thought for a moment and, for no discernible reason, said, “352.”

This being the correct number, the shepherd was, understandably, totally amazed, and exclaimed, “You’re right! O.K., I’ll keep to my end of the deal. Take your pick of my flock.”

The blonde carefully considered the entire flock and finally picked the one that was by far cuter and more playful than any of the others.

When she was done, the shepherd turned to her and said, “O.K., now I have a proposition for you. If I can guess your true hair color, can I have my dog back?”

Three doctors are in the duck blind and a bird flies overhead. The general practitioner looks at it and says, “Looks like a duck, flies like a duck… it’s probably a duck,” and shoots at it but misses and the bird flies away.

The next bird flies overhead and the pathologist looks at it, then looks through the pages of a bird manual, and says, “Hmmmm…green wings, yellow bill, quacking sound…might be a duck.” He raises his gun to shoot it, but the bird is long gone.

A third bird flies over. The surgeon raises his gun and shoots almost without looking, brings the bird down, and turns to the pathologist and says, “Go see if that was a duck.”

I’m closing this one a tiny bit early so that I have time to make a final point.  Monday was Memorial Day.  A day that means something a little bit different to a Veteran than it does to a civilian.  And it means even more to a Vet who’s seen combat.  I listen to a podcast and the host was saying something that I’d like to expound on a little bit.  Two things that you don’t say to a Veteran on Memorial Day and a couple of things that we don’t like to see.

And maybe I should just speak for myself. 

Don’t say “Happy Memorial Day.”  It’s not a happy day.  For most of us, it’s a day of remembering.  It’s a “Memorial”.  Most of us, no matter how long or short we’ve served, have lost someone to the service.  It could be to combat, to PTSD, to any number of other things.  We’ve lost track of brothers.  Some of our brothers, like Lethal Leprechaun, succumbed to their wounds many years after they were received.  We tend to say a lot of prayers on Memorial Day.  So, no.  “Happy Memorial Day” is pretty inappropriate.

Don’t say “Thank you for your service.”  Not that I would ever be rude to anyone who said that to me at anytime, but honestly, the desire to respond with, “that’s not what today is for.” is somewhat overwhelming.  Any other day is appreciated.  Veterans’ Day is very appreciated. 

The month of May is military appreciation month.  Most people don’t even know that.  The tiny sinful “Pride” population does a great job of getting everyone fired up over “Pride month” in June, and yet the group of people who offer to put their life on the line for you…how many of you have seen a single thing for Military Appreciation Month that is coming to a close?  Nope, me either.  And yet, there are twice as many Vets as their are people who identify as LGBsomething or other.  3.2% of the population for them, 6.2% of the population for Vets – which is actually down from 18% just 4 years ago. 

I know that last one doesn’t have much to do with Memorial Day, it just sticks in my craw.

Anyway, to wrap it up, don’t have Memorial Day sales.  And for the picnics and things like that, take a minute to pause and remember what the day is really all about.

That’s all I really have to say.  Love you guys, thanks for listening.  Until next time.