Boy has it been a busy week for Izzy and I.  We have made 2 trips to Goodwill with a full car.  That is like 4 big bins full of … stuff.

For each trip!

We built a cage for her hamster.  Out of another plastic bin.  I guess it’s a thing now with hamster people.  Gives the little guy a lot of room.  I was just the powertool guy, so what do I know.

Mowed the lawn, again!  I gotta find a cure for that!  I just did it last week!

We built a desk that I bought on Amazon to make it easier for me to write.  It is a GREAT little desk. Here’s what it looks like:

Notice the lights under the Monitor shelf?  They actually work with an app on the phone and change colors.  And if you allow the app access to you music and to your microphone on your phone, the lights will actually dance to whatever it hears or to your music.  The desk is sturdy as heck!  The frame is steel.  And….with the $15 coupon that was offered on the site, it was less than a hundred bucks.  I got the smallest size to fit in the area I wanted it to fit, 39 inch.  But it also comes in 47 and 55 inch.  Each of which is like ten bucks more than the previous size.

The only problem I have right now is that the desk chair that I also bought isn’t coming until tomorrow and the dining room chair that I’m currently using is killing my back!!!

Something else I just realized, I just went down another pant size ( gotta start eating more) which means at my largest, I was wearing a size 48 waist and I’m now down to a 34 inch waist.  That’s 14 inches!!!  That is a WHOLE LOT of grief.  I’m going to share a very short essay I just wrote this morning on grief.  Maybe in today’s Last Word.

But for right now, let’s get some laughing in.

Nah!  I’m thinking that our campers are above average intelligence and will get this one.

Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he’s going to divorce his wife. 

“Good grief” says Jim, “You and Sue are the happiest couple I know – why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all these years of obvious bliss?” 

“Well” replies Fred, “Truth be known I’m just bored with pokin’ the same hole night after night after night. I guess I’m hankerin’ for a bit of variety.” 

Jim: “Well if you want variety, why don’t you just, you know, turn her over every now and again?” 

Fred: “What – and have a house full of kids???” 

My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs.

She nudged me and whispered, “Wake up, wake up!”

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

“There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they’re eating the tuna casserole I made tonight.”

“That’ll teach them!” I replied.

You know you are officially lost when you stop, turn down the car radio, and take off your sunglasses.

No!  And I refuse to believe that is you, Aussie Pete.

Sasquatch, buddy, did you move?

I get this one.  Deeply.

“So, Mr. Taxman, you’re here to collect on my back taxes?  Is that what I just heard you say?”

I have several answers for you.

Do you ever feel like your body’s “Check Engine” light has been on and your still driving it like “nah, it’ll be fine”?

[Slams Book Shut!]  “When I open this again I’d better not read what I thought I just did.”

I lifted up my shirt to check out my abs, and a Dorito fell out…

So there’s that…

Because it’s such a cool picture.

I’ll be very surprised to find anything when the Rapture happens.  I ain’t plannin’ on bein’ here!  Or to put it more politely…I am planning to depart with my Lord and Savior when He returns.

Kids, I kid you not:

there used to be a phone number you 
could call just to find out
“what time it was…”

I’m white, but I use seasonings, so I’m cau-cajun.

The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Amen and Amen!  
But most of you know a good portion of what I’ve been through and you keep showing up here anyway.

Fun Fact:  If Celine Dion sang just the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonald’s Farm.

My mind is exceptionally quiet this morning.
I’m suspicious I’m up to something I don’t want me to know about. 

My friend is great at selling home security systems.  If the people aren’t home, he just leaves a brochure on their kitchen table.

After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife’s bra off, I’ve decided to give up! 

I wish I’d never put it on now.

I thought my new girlfriend might be the one.

But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse’s outfit, a French maid’s outfit, and a police woman’s uniform,  I finally decided:

if she can’t hold down a job, she’s not for me.

A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel.

An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel.

A REALIST sees a freight train. 

The TRAIN DRIVER sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks.

Well, today my neighbors spoke to me.  So I did what I had to do.  I strapped a monitor on my ankle, went outside with my shirt on inside out, and argued with a pine tree.  That should hold them off for a while.

A guest checked in at a run-down hotel. 

“The room is twenty dollars a night,” said the manager, “but it’s only ten if you make your own bed.”

“Okay,” said the guest.  “I’ll make my own bed.” 

“Stay there,” said the manager.  “I’ll get you some nails and wood.”

My wife asked me if I thought the kids were spoiled. 

I said, “I think most kids just smell that way.”

I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”

Me at the pet store:  I would like to get a puppy for my wife.  

Clerk:  I am sorry sir, we don’t take trades.

A regular customer comes in the store and asks, “What do you call it when 1 cow is spying on another cow?”

I said, “I dunno, what?” 

He replies, “A steak out!”

And that’s it…but before we go for this issue, like I said, I’m going to give you my new essay that I’ve been working on a little bit.  That’s going to be today’s…

May God Bless you and keep you until we meet again.