So…Issue #2300.  It’s gotta be some sort of milestone, right?  Two thousand, three hundred.  Sounds like a lot, doesn’t it?  It’s about 127 Issues a year or one issue every three days.  That’s quite a bit, really.

I shouldn’t be writing this right now, I don’t think.  I’m a bit depressed.  My stupid dog just pulled me over again whilst we were outside.  I’m wondering if she’s getting too big for me to control or I’m getting too old to control her.  All she was doing was running after the other one.  Luckily I was on flat ground and was able to stumble my way over to the grass and fall on the grass.  The wet, soggy, muddy grass.

Anyway, brought them both back inside.  It was the last “out” of the day, which means they both know they get treats.  Normally two little biscuits (or three if I’m feeling really generous) each.  They come over to me as I sit in my chair in the living room, they sit very nicely and patiently.  I hold the treat out, but they are NOT allowed to take the treat from me until I say, “okay.” And they are not to take it aggressively, they are to take it “easy”.  And they do a really good job of it, otherwise they don’t get a treat.  

Well tonight, of course I was angry.  I got two treats.  Gave one to Pepper and told Willow she was bad, chewed her out some, told her she was bad and gave the second treat to Pepper, told Willow she was bad and told her to get in bed.  She got in bed and this is the look that I got:

I think I hurt her little feelings. 

So, after about 20 minutes (an absolute lifetime to a dog) I got ONE treat, called her over to me, made her sit, talked to her about what she did wrong and gave her the treat.  Of course, she looked for the other one and Pepper came over and wanted to know where her’s were and I had to tell her that she already got hers and SHE got all pouty. 

I swear,

Living in a house full of women… well, I’ll just leave it at that. 

Now… 

You guys remember this map from the last episode?

Well, Stephen B. sent us an email with the subject line of “Are you saying… …that…” and here’s the ridiculous email that goes with it.  Oh!  Not ridiculous that he sent it, ridiculous in what the email talks about. 

Just read it, you’ll see.  (Thanks Stephen).

……..that all the green states must now change their names because it might offend Native Americans?  Here on Long Island, in New York, the dip sticks are forcing the sports of all the schools to change their names if they are associated with Native Americans.

From Newsday:

The New York State Education Department has ordered school districts to stop using mascots, team names or imagery depicting Native Americans by the end of the school year or risk losing state aid.

The guidance issued Thursday to school districts statewide by Senior Deputy Commissioner James N. Baldwin stems from a court case involving an upstate school district that sought to keep its “Indians” team name, logo and mascot and challenged the state in court but recently lost the case.

“The court’s decision establishes that public school districts are prohibited from utilizing Native American mascots,” Baldwin said. “Arguments that community members support the use of such imagery or that it is ‘respectful’ to Native Americans are no longer tenable. Those school districts that continue to utilize Native American team names, logos, and/or imagery without current approval from a recognized tribe must immediately come into compliance.”

Because of a name.  A name that NO ONE is complaining about who has a goat in the fight.  It is because of other people taking offense who have no reason TO take offense.  Moronic.

 

The Ultimate Computer stood at the end of the Ultimate Computer Company’s production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived.

The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo. “This”, he said, “is the Ultimate Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it”.

A smartass who ran a humor mailing list stepped forward and asked, “Where is my father?”

There was the soft hum of powerful electronic gear going to the task. Panel lights lit and blinked, and within a couple of seconds the laser printer printed out a piece of paper: “Fishing off Florida.”

The smartass laughed, “Actually, my father is dead! It was a trick question.”

The salesman, quickly thinking on his feet, replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as the Ultimate Computer was precise, perhaps a rewording of the question might work better.

The smartass said to the Ultimate Computer, “Where is my mother’s husband?”

Again, the hum of the powerful electronic brain filled the room. After a moment, the laser printer whirred to life. The paper said, “Dead. But your father is still fishing off Florida.”

So, we were at the bar drinking this really hoppy beer and seeing who can get the loudest, longest belch.  And I was doing really well at not cutting in the flame, but I was also getting a little drunk and … well … a funny thing happened …

Did you know that toasted fairly smells an awful lot like toasted marshmallow?

Did she forget it was there?

Husband: “This coffee isn’t fit for a pig!” 

Wife: “No problem. I’ll get you some that is.” 

Shirley and Abe, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami, are getting ready to go out to dinner. 

Shirley says, “Abe, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?” 

 Abe says, “Do I care?” 

A few minutes later Shirley says, “Abe, should I wear my Cartier watch or my Rolex?” 

Abe says, “Who cares?” 

 A few more minutes pass and Shirley says, “Abe, love, shall I wear my five-carat pear diamond ring or my six-carat round diamond ring with the baguettes?” 

Abe says, “Shirley, I really don’t care what you wear, but if you don’t move your butt, we’re going to miss the Early Bird Special at McDonalds. 

This is my stop, thanks for the ride.

Both of them Eunuchs?

That would do it for me.

She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. But she remarried and this time had 5 more children. 

Alas, she finally died. 

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking Him for this loving woman who fulfilled His commandment to “Go forth and multiply.” 

In his eulogy, the preacher said, “Lord, they’re finally together.” 

Leaning over to a neighbour, one mourner quietly asked “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” 

The neighbour replied, “I think he means her legs.” 

My grandfather was a professional organist…….

until the monkey died.

On the way to pre-school, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it.

“Be still, my heart,” thought the doctor, “my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!”

Then the child spoke into the instrument, “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order?”

The words “Fetish” and “Urine” should NEVER be used in the same sentence.

Maine Law

Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.

An old man was once on the subway, and he sat down next to a younger man.

e noticed that the young man had a strange kind of shirt collar.

Having never seen a priest before, he asked, “Excuse me sir, but why do you have your shirt collar on backwards?”

The priest became a bit flustered but politely answered, “I wear this collar because I am a Father.”

The older gent thought a second and responded, “Sir, I am also a father but I wear my collar front-ways. Why do you wear your collar so differently?”

The priest thought for a minute and said, “Sir, I am the Father for many.”

The older fellow quickly answered, “I too am the father of many. I have five sons, six daughters and too many grandchildren to count… But I wear my collar like everyone else does. Why do you wear it your way?”

The priest who was beginning to get exasperated thought and then blurted out, “Sir, I am the Father for hundreds and hundreds of people.”

Now the kindly old gentleman was stunned and sat silently for a long time.

As he got up to leave the subway train, he leaned over to the priest and said, “Well, sonny, perhaps, it’s your pants you should wear backwards.”

SIGNS YOU’VE CHOSEN A “NO FRILLS” AIRLINE

They don’t sell tickets, they sell chances.

All the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.

Before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.

You cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.

Before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.

The Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.

When they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.

The Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.

You ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he says, “Just once.”

No movie. Don’t need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes.

You see a man with a gun, but he’s demanding to be let off the plane.

All the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel.

I’m not particularly fond of people who fly in private jets to a meeting where they discuss how to take away my car and feed me bugs…because they are so important.  But, maybe that’s just me.

In regards to #7 … I was listening to a Christian Missionary talk about one of the long, difficult missions he was on.  He told us all about the hardships about being separated from his family for so long, but about all the really cool stuff he got to do.  But then we he mentioned that he was gone for two whole weeks I laughed out loud long and hard.  I have never, been on a TDY that lasted ONLY 2 weeks.

Congratulations to all the women who vote Democrat!

ZERO House Democrats voted to pass the
protection of women and girls in sports.

Republicans: 219
Democrats: 0

I think this dog has died and been reincarnated into Willow.

Why are things so expensive?

Because 4 companies control 55% to 85% of the meat market. 

Because 4 airlines control 80% of air travel. 

Because 3 companies control 92% of the soda market. 

Because 3 companies control 73% of the cereal market. 

Why don’t I hear about it?  

Because 6 companies control 90% of the news.

Microsoft’s AI Is Draining 56 Million Gallons Of Drinking Water From A Small City In Arizona

One of the many major environmental issues that is staring at us from the not-so-distant future is the fact that clean drinking water could quickly become scarce.

So, the fact that Microsoft’s AI requires a lot of it could be yet another strike, as far as public opinion goes.

There is a Microsoft data center in Goodyear, Arizona, that requires quite a lot of water to support cloud computing and AI.

Since it’s located in a desert, that’s creating a bit of an issue.

You probably know that AI requires a huge amount of energy. You might be less aware of the amount of water it needs in order to mitigate the risk of overheating.

Microsoft has been avoiding the question of just how much water their Goodyear plant is siphoning from the desert, but estimates top 56 million gallons of drinking water every year.

That’s as much as 670 area families would consume in a year.

Arizona Attorney General Kris Mayes says that this is the result of choices that may come back to haunt the state’s residents in the future.

“We’re going to have to make tough choices in the near future to make sure our state is protected for future generations. Allowing one more data center to come to our state is an easy but stupid decision in a lot of cases.”

Data centers everywhere, particularly ones that fuel AI efforts, are likely going to meet with pushback from environmental groups in the future.

In places like the Sonoran Desert, people will probably have more reason than ever to think AI isn’t a good thing at all.

Three visitors to London climb up the tower that houses Big Ben and decide to have a contest. 

They’re going to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch the watches before they hit the ground. 

The first tourist throws his watch, takes three steps and hears his watch crash. 

The second throws his watch and takes only two steps when he hears his watch shatter. 

The third tosses his watch off the tower, jogs down the stairs, goes to a candy store, buys a snack, walks back to Big Ben and catches his watch.

“How did you do that?” asks one of his friends. 

“My watch is 30 minutes slow.” 

When my daughter was about 6, my sister was baby sitting for the day.

My sister had a soap opera on the TV and during a love scene, my daughter expressed how gross she thought it was that a man and a woman were kissing.

My sister explained that when a man and a woman are in love, kissing is not gross. She then said, “your Mommy and Daddy kiss – they’re in love.”

My daughter’s rebuttal to that was “No they’re not – they’re married!”

A man complaining to a friend: “I had it all – money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman … then … pow! … it was all gone!” 

“What happened?” asked the friend. 

“Ahhhh … my wife found out …” 

Maryland, Baltimore 

It is illegal  to take a lion to the movies. 

Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. 

Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they’d leave. 

Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out. 

“This I’ve got to see,” I thought. 

They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. 

Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off.

My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he’d dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. 

I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.

He held it up and said with a charming little smile, “We better throw this one out too then, ’cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.” 

The Top Ten Things Men Know *FOR SURE* About Women 

1. 

2. 

3. 

4. 

5. 

6. 

7. 

8. 

9.  They have boobs. 

10.  Some have BIG boobs. 

And that’s it for another one my friends.  May God Bless and Keep You until we meet again.