So, I have a question…is it against the law to kill your own dog?  I didn’t.  But it was only because I don’t think I can fire my 9mm right now without causing myself excruciating pain and I’m relatively sure that the .22, even with the .22 long, hollow-points that I have loaded in it wouldn’t penetrate her THICK SKULL!!!

Why?  You ask.

Because she tried to kill me.

Again.

By pulling me off the back porch.  Backwards!!!  

I’ve been watching her ever since the snow incident and the hip replacement when she pulled me off the back porch and I thought I was a goner then.  Today, everything was fine.  She was fine.  She didn’t take off running.  I stopped to light my cigar, like I normally do when I take the dogs out.  It was a little windy out, so I turned my back to the wind…(pause for dramatic effect)…and to the devil dog…who took the opportunity for homicide. 

And no!  I don’t know why my first instinct wasn’t to let go of the handle of the expandable leash.  Most of the time when you suddenly find yourself flying through the air within a split-second, your first instinct is to hang on…to something!  Unfortunately for me, I was hanging on to the thing that was dragging me through the air.  

Now, my right hand is all chewed up (you can’t tell  but I’m typing much slower and with many more typos than normal), which is my shooting hand.  I’m not bad off-handed, but my 9mm has a bit of a kick to it.  My right shin is tore up and I’m going to be a bit more purple for church tomorrow.

This was also BEFORE I mowed the lawn.  Wasn’t THAT a fun experience after being chewed up.

So, my question stands…is it illegal to kill your own dog?

We gotta do some laughing before we move on to other things…

 

Well, okay, since that was the first one in line, and since this is probably the one time it is okay to speak ill of the dead, and unless he did an awful lot of repenting lately I’m pretty sure he’s suffering for his sins right now, but hey!  It coulda happened.  AND because I got a bunch of memes on the subject… let’s do this…

I’m pretty sure the comment with that one was, “Well, did the coffin fit?”

That was all of them.

At a dinner party, Miss Holly and Joe were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy.

“No woman,” said Joe, scornfully, “can keep a secret.”

“I don’t know about that,” answered Miss Holly. “I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one.”

“You’ll let it out some day,” Joe insisted.

“I hardly think so!” responded Miss Holly. “When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever.”

Well, if we’re going to do theme work this morning, let’s do the rest of these that I have, also.

This next one is just an awesome picture!

And this one wins the award for about the stupidest thing ever said 

Congresswoman Sheila Jackson-Lee (D): 

The moon, a planet, is “made up mostly of gases” 

so we can soon live inside it, unlike the sun 

which is “almost” too hot to go near.

I actually heard part of her “speech” and she sounds like a complete idiot.  Okay, so I found it on Youtube.  Here you go…

She’s a complete and total idiot.  I’m sorry Houston, but you guys elected her.

Pop Smith gave us this warning…

It’s getting to be pollen season here in the south.  Pretty soon everything will be yellow ~Pop Smith

Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks. 

Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, 

“They can bust me, they can fine me — but they can’t take away my birthday.” 

As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated, “They can bust me, they can fine me but they can’t take away my birthday.” 

The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the International dateline — it was July 23.

TOP TEN REASONS TO GO TO WORK NAKED
(Okay, 11!)

11. No one ever steals your chair.

10. Gives “bad hair day” a whole new meaning.

 9. Diverts attention from the fact that you also came to work drunk.

 8. People stop stealing your pens after they’ve seen where you keep them.

 7. So that -with a little help from Muzak- you can add “Exotic Dancer” to your exaggerated resume.

 6. You want to see if it’s like the dream.

 5. To stop those creepy guys in Marketing from looking down your shirt.

 4. “I’d love to chip in, but I left my wallet in my pants.”

 3. Inventive way to finally meet that special person in Human Resources.

 2. Can take advantage of computer monitor radiation to work on your tan.

…and (drum roll) the number one reason to Go To Work Naked:

 1. Your boss is always yelling, “I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!”

I’m pretty sure this is an…

Regardless, it’s definitely funny!

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.

He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.  As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. 

A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. 

Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.  He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, ‘You were drunk again last night, weren’t you?’

Patton said, ‘Why you say such a mean thing?’

‘Well,’ Kathleen said, ‘it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ……. it’s all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

I guess if it works…

Life is too short for negative drama & petty things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

From one unstable person to another…

Yeah, just because that one was fun to color

Have you heard about the amazing new discovery?

It’s a pill that is half aspirin and half glue for people who have splitting headaches.

This is terrible.  It’s old.  And I’m blaming Joe from NJ.

A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot.

One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach pretty much every day.

She wasn’t unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.

Generally the people would respond negatively and she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”

He hadn’t and said so. Then she said, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”

Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.

The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.

“Well,? Is she selling drugs?” she asked, excitement pouring out with her voice.

“No, she’s not.” he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.

“Well,? What is it, then? What does she do?” his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned and said, “She’s a battery salesman.”

“A battery salesman?”, cried the wife.

“Yes,” he replied, “She sells ‘C’ cells by the sea shore!”

Maybe…

I wanted a haircut and phoned a salon early for an appointment but was told customers were taken on a walk-in basis only.

On Saturday I got there by 9 am. and there were already ten people waiting. I drove to another salon, but it was booked solid. Still another had no openings.

The situation seemed hopeless, so I went home. My husband greeted me at the door.

“That was fast,” he said cheerfully. “Your hair looks great!”

And not a single guy reading right now would find a single thing wrong with this.

That is the truth

I love Rollercoasters!! 

NO WE DON’T!

It is absolutely amazing to me that anyone actually even listened to this spoiled BRAT to begin with.  In my family, when someone acted this way, they got spanked and sat in the corner.

I seem to remember something about the Whigs and the Torres (?) in grammar school?  I may be misremembering.  That was a LONG time ago.

I know, surprising results.  
Idiot!

But Biden says our economy has never been better!

Well, at least she’s learning to mind her place while the adults are talking.

And I’ve run out of time my friends.  I’m on my way back to church for a special prayer service tonight.  May God Bless you and Keep you until we meet again.