So, I’m trying to get some extra work done and all I’m doing is falling further and further behind.  So, I thought, the heck with it, I’m going to go and spend some time with my camper friends.  So, here I am.  I was reading this post and someone asked the question: “What’s the funniest joke you ever heard that still makes you laugh to this day?” and someone else answered with this one:

Three couples died and went to heaven, an Irish couple, a Jewish couple and an American couple. The Irish couple stepped up to the Pearly Gates. The husband knocked on the door.

“Mr. & Mrs. O’Malley. We’d like to get into heaven, please.”

St. Peter checked his list. ” O’Malley, O’Malley. Oh, I’m sorry I can’t let you into heaven, Mr. O’Malley.”

“Why not,” said Mr. O’Malley.

“Well, while you were on Earth all you cared about was alcohol. You drank morning, noon & night. You had Guinness for breakfast & Jamieson’s for dinner. Look at the woman you married. Her name is Brandy, for God’s sake. No, we can’t let you into heaven.”

The clouds parted and the couple dropped from sight.

The Jewish couple stepped up to the Pearly Gates. The husband knocked on the door.

“Mr. & Mrs. Goldman. We’d like to get into heaven, please.”

St. Peter checked his list. “Goldman, Goldman. Oh, I’m sorry I can’t let you into heaven, Mr. Goldman.”

“Why not,” said Mr. Goldman.

“Well, while you were on Earth all you cared about was money. You hoarded money morning, noon & night. You never spent your money or gave to charities. Look at the woman you married. Her name is Penny for God’s sake. No, we can’t let you into heaven.”

The clouds parted and the couple dropped from sight.

The American couple stepped up to the Pearly Gates. The husband knocked on the door, turned to his wife, and said, “I don’t know, Fanny, it’s looking really bad for us.”

You just kinda knew that’s where the American’s head was at though, didn’t you?

Well, my own head is in a weird enough place today, so why don’t we just jump into the laughter and we’ll see where the rest of the issue takes us, shall we?

So, one more quick comment from me.  I’m so sick and tired of the rain.  I think I told you guys that my flat roof, a tiny like 10 x 10 foot section that used to be the front porch on the my house, that is now part of my living room, is leaking.  It used to be that if it was torrentially raining and the wind was blowing just right that I would get the occasional drip.  Now it’s leaking bad and I’m really gonna have to do something about it.  Of course.  I had some Amish guys come out.  Friends/family of a friend who works with me.  They looked at it and gave me a quote (last summer) of $3,000 plus.  I wasn’t going to pay that much for such a small chunk of roof!  Even if at the time I could have barely swung it.

Now, of course, with everything else that’s going on, I can barely pay my bills and I’m still waiting to be paid back for the money that I’m owed from my brother’s stuff and the silly thing is leaking even worse!  I talked to a buddy of mine, the guy I do the jail and Thursday night ministry with who is a big time carpentry guy, rebuilt his whole house.  You know, THAT guy.  He’s a month older than I am and still moves around like he’s 20 years younger.  I, on the other hand, full of arthritis, move around like I’m 40 years older.  But, this is the same guy who keeps accusing me of making up words when I say stuff like “obfuscate” so, there’s trade offs.

I asked him if he would give me a hand dumping some tar on my roof.  That way it would find the hole and seal it up?

He said, “Roof Cement.”

I said, “Okay, ‘Roof Cement’.”

He said, “There’s a difference.  Tar is just tar, roof cement has little fibers in it for a better seal and for strength.” (or something like that)

I said, “Oh, okay.  Whatever.  Would you…”

“No, not whatever.  It’s important.  There’s a big difference.”

I replied, “And I DON’T know the difference.  That’s why I’m asking you.  Now, you’re just being ostentatious.”

“And you’re making up words again.”

Anyway, my original point was that I’m getting sick and tired of the RAIN.  Everyone out here farms.  They’re all walking around with big smiles on their faces as the Wabash River is this close to flooding it’s banks.  “We had such a dry winter, we really need this.”  I hear over and over again.  Just a little over a week ago, this is a picture I sent to my buddy Wheats:

Don’t look at that crappy backyard or the decrepit fence.  The fence is on my list of priorities…it’s quite a ways down on the list, but it’s on there. Look instead at that incredible clear blue sky that God blessed us with.  Beautiful, right?  Well today, the first “nice” day since last Saturday (I think) Izzy sent me this picture on her way to work: 

Her comment was:  COWS!!!

I said it was a beautiful picture.  She said, “But there are so MANY of them!! 

LOL!  But you’ll notice that there is NO clear blue sky.

I’m REALLY tired of the rain.

Okay, so we’ve been silly and led into this long enough, so let’s try this again and MAYBE this time it will stick…

Although, one dragon can hope that at least some of you have been laughing…at least a little, already.

And he’ll also find out how that whole trial thing worked out for him.

Some of you may or may not be old enough to remember these.  For me, it is a vague memory and I’m not sure if it’s a real memory or just something I’ve read about and seen in movies and such so many times I think it’s a memory.  According to the article that Lynn sent in, they were not around when I was around, but something in the back of my head is telling me that I either saw them or someone recreated them somewhere that I saw.  But they are definitely an American classic.  Thanks Lynn for sharing this with us.

A man, a miss,
   A car, a curve.
   He kissed the miss,
   And missed the curve. Burma Shave

I’m sure that Burma Shave actually saved some lives.  People laughed and then were more careful!  It was a REAL “service” to America, even though it was an advertisement and it was one of the RARE “really useful” ones! 

Before there were interstates, when everyone drove the old 2 lane roads, Burma Shave signs would be posted all over the countryside in farmers’ fields.  They were small red signs with white letters. Five signs, about 100 feet apart, each containing 1 line of a 4 line couplet… and the obligatory 5th sign advertising Burma Shave, a popular shaving cream.

IT MAY GO HOME
IN ANOTHER CAR. Burma Shave

TRAINS DON’T WANDER
ALL OVER THE MAP
‘CAUSE NOBODY SITS
IN THE ENGINEER’S LAP. Burma Shave

SHE KISSED THE HAIRBRUSH
BY MISTAKE
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS
HER HUSBAND JAKE. Burma Shave

DON’T LOSE YOUR HEAD
TO GAIN A MINUTE
YOU NEED YOUR HEAD
YOUR BRAINS ARE IN IT. Burma Shave

 

DROVE TOO LONG
DRIVER SNOOZING
WHAT HAPPENED NEXT
IS NOT AMUSING. Burma Shave

BROTHER SPEEDER
LET’S REHEARSE
ALL TOGETHER
GOOD MORNING, NURSE. Burma Shave

CAUTIOUS RIDER
TO HER RECKLESS DEAR
LET’S HAVE LESS BULL
AND A LITTLE MORE STEER. Burma Shave

SPEED WAS HIGH
WEATHER WAS NOT
TIRES WERE THIN
X MARKS THE SPOT. Burma Shave

THE MIDNIGHT RIDE
OF PAUL FOR BEER
LED TO A WARMER
HEMISPHERE. Burma Shave

AROUND THE CURVE
LICKETY-SPLIT
BEAUTIFUL CAR
WASN’T IT? Burma Shave

NO MATTER THE PRICE
NO MATTER HOW NEW
THE BEST SAFETY DEVICE
IN THE CAR IS YOU. Burma Shave

A GUY WHO DRIVES
A CAR WIDE OPEN
IS NOT THINKIN’
HE’S JUST HOPIN’ Burma Shave

AT INTERSECTIONS
LOOK EACH WAY
A HARP SOUNDS NICE
BUT IT’S HARD TO PLAY. Burma Shave

BOTH HANDS ON THE WHEEL
EYES ON THE ROAD
THAT’S THE SKILLFUL
DRIVER’S CODE. Burma Shave

THE ONE WHO DRIVES
WHEN HE’S BEEN DRINKING
DEPENDS ON YOU
TO DO HIS THINKING. Burma Shave

CAR IN DITCH
DRIVER IN TREE
THE MOON WAS FULL
AND SO WAS HE. Burma Shave

PASSING SCHOOL ZONE
TAKE IT SLOW
LET OUR LITTLE
SHAVERS GROW. Burma Shave

Three surgeons met at a convention, and during the break, they began discussing what types of patients they liked to operate on. 

The first doc said, “I prefer to operate on short people because it more of a challenge to get the job done without making as large an incision.” 

The second surgeon replied, “Challenge, shmallenge. I prefer to operate on oriental people because their anatomy is always textbook perfect. Everything is in the right place every time.” 

The third doctor said, “Obviously neither of you have ever done surgery on a lawyer. They are by far the easiest patients to cut on. When you open them up, you’ll see that they have no heart, they certainly have no guts, and their rear end is interchangeable with their mouth.” 

A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry. 

Finally he went to a marriage counselor. 

When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes. 

“Oh” said the counselor, “I see what the problem is. You can’t decide whether to marry for batter or verse.” 

Today, I found a special picture that I dug up out of the archives.  That’s me and me.  And old picture of me on the left and an old picture of me on the right from 2007 when I was in Tech School for the job that I have now.  I was quite a bit rounder there than I am now and they couldn’t find Chem gear to fit me so I got a suit of green in the pants and desert in the jacket.  LOL!  And that’s the old MCU-2 mask that we don’t use anymore.  And yes, that’s body armor that doesn’t fit, either.  If it had been the real thing, and not just training, they would’ve gotten stuff that fit.  But I was like the first civilian to EVER go through tech school and the military guys, didn’t usually come in my size.  That is, short and round.

“TOP TEN TRICKS TO LIVEN UP A MEETING!” 

1 Stand up and act indignant. Demand that the boss tell you the ‘real’ reason this meeting has been called. 

2 Spill coffee on the conference table. Produce a little paper boat and sail it down the table. 

3 During a meeting, each time the boss makes an important point, (or at least one he/she seems to consider important), keep building up little giggles until you are crying with tears of laughter – Then lookup at the people and say you were just thinking of a funny joke you heard.

4 Stay behind as everyone else, including the boss, leaves. Thank them for coming. 

5 Give a broad wink to someone else at the table. In time, wink at everyone. Sometimes shake your head just a little, as if to indicate that the speaker is slightly crazy and everybody knows it. 

6 Arrange to have a poorly-dressed young woman with an infant quietly enter the meeting, stare directly at the (male) speaker for a while, burst into tears, then leave the room. 

7 Bring a hand puppet, preferably an animal. Ask it to clarify difficult points. 

8 When there is a call for questions, lean back in your chair, prop your feet up on the table, smile contentedly, and say, “Well, here’s the way I see it, J.B…” (or any other impressive-sounding initials that are not actually your boss’s.) 

9 Complain loudly that your neighbour won’t stop touching you. Demand that the boss make him/her stop doing it. 

10 Bring a small mountain of computer printouts to the meeting. If possible, include some old-fashioned fanfold paper for dramatic effect. Every time the speaker makes a point, pretend to check it in one of the printouts. Pretend to find substantiating evidence there. Nod vigorously, and say “uh-huh, uh-huh!”

Just about every one of those would get you in a HUGE amount of trouble in my Air Force job!

I gotta try some of those!!!

You know, Aussie Pete, I’m beginning to believe some of this stuff…

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer. 

 “Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to “love, honor and obey” and “forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,” I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that part out.”

He passed the minister two £50 notes and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. 

When it comes time for the groom’s vows, the pastor looks the young man in the eye and says: 

“Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?”

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, “Yes.” 

The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed: “I thought we had a deal.” 

The pastor put the two £50 notes into his hand and whispered back: “She made me a much better offer.” 

Well, you woulda thought that the pastor would’ve approached the young man with a counter offer and seen how high he could’ve driven up the price, right?  If you’re going to sell out your services, why not sell ’em all the way out?

At our jail ministry the other night, we are studying Anger.  The question was asked, “What makes you angry?”  If you think about it, directly or indirectly, anger may have a lot to do with why these guys are in jail to begin with.  And of course, when it came my turn to answer the question, as we almost always do, I said that the one thing that makes me angry more than anything else is stupidity.  People making boneheaded decisions about things that they really, REALLY ought to know better about.  

Genius!

Ugh!  What is wrong with people?!!

Doctor: “You’re coughing easier today.”

Patient: “No wonder. I practiced all night.”

Go ahead and try that, see how it works out for you.

After a young couple brought their new baby home, the wife suggested that her husband should try his hand at changing diapers. 

“I’m busy dear,” he said, “I’ll do the next one.”

The next time came around, and she asked again. 

The husband looked puzzled. “Oh! I didn’t mean the next diaper… I meant the next baby!” 

Interesting concept to think about the things that were science fiction then that are ancient history now.

Wow!  That was almost perfect!

Top 10 Most Romantic Lines From New English Language Students

10. I fell in love with her the first time I sawed her. 

9. He had such a worm heart. 

8. We were two sheeps passing in the night. 

7. We have hated each other for so long.  I want to borrow the hatchet. 

6. My dentist makes me blush twice a day. 

5. I don’t know if he will propose, but I am expecting. 

4. I have something exciting to tell you.  My girlfriend and I got enraged last night! 

3. The groom was wearing a very nice croissant. 

2. He lifted the veal off her face and gave her a big kiss. 

1. I think she is really glad she got marinated. 

Yeah, so’s mine.  I think I’ve told you before, that when we would drive down the road and had the radio on in the car and a good song would come on and I would sing, Mary would turn the volume up so she couldn’t hear me.  THAT’S how bad my singing voice is and she loves me!

The minister asked for anyone who knew a truly perfect person to stand up.

After a long pause a meek-looking fellow in the back stood.

“Do you really know a perfect person?”  he was asked.

“Yes, Sir, I do,”  answered the little man.

“Would you please tell the congregation who this rare perfect person is?”

“Yes, Sir, my wife’s first husband.”

Probably a dead husband…

Gotta wonder what other animal vomit we’ve tried…

Wow!  Just…Wow!

Boy, ain’t that the truth!  I want to learn Greek, just so that I can read the New Testament in its original to get all the nuance of the language that our poor, crippled English language just doesn’t have.  For instance, (and I may have shared this with you, because I wrote a paper on it for my guys in the jail) did you know that the greeks had 8 different words for love?  Mania, Philautia, Ludus, Pragma, Storge, Eros, Philia, and Agape. Then, I want to learn Hebrew, so I can read the Old Testament in the original.  Some of this may have to wait until I’m in Heaven.  Then I’ll have plenty of time…but…then I’ll have perfect understanding, too.  Hmmm… I’ll have to give that some thought.

A short theme…

End of theme.  If you paid attention.

Hence the REAL reason for the 2nd Amendment.

This next one is a bit difficult to read.  Feel free to pass it by.

like I just heard Dr. Phil say to a Palestinian woman who started going on about “100 years of …”, (and I’m paraphrasing) “when you climb over a fence, break into a house, pour gasoline on an infant, and set them on fire! There is NO excuse for that!  NONE!”  The biggest difference, the most obvious, glaring difference between the Israelis and Hamas is this:  The Jews are going out of their way to protect and keep safe those that can’t protect and keep themselves safe.  The young, the old, the infirm.  Hamas is hiding amongst them and using them as shields.  They are purposefully targeting them.  Tell me again, who is committing atrocities.  As I said before, Dragon Laffs is NOT stupidity friendly.

Absolutely they do.  Because if they don’t, they know that we will turn those weapons on them when they go too far.  Heck, maybe not.  They’ve already gone too far.  So have the Republicans.  And “We the People” have sat on our hands and done NOTHING.

Politics …

If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates. — Jay Leno

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. — Henry Cate, VII

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office — Aesop

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. — Nikita Khrushchev

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it. — Clarence Darrow

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnels. — John Quinton, American actor/writer

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you. — Author unknown

Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession.  I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first. — Ronald Reagan

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. — Oscar Ameringer, “the Mark Twain of American socialism”

I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them. — Adlai Stevenson, 1952

A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country. — Tex Guinan

Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks. — Doug Larson, English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924 Paris Olympic Games

We’d all like to vote for the best man, but he’s never a candidate. — Kin Hubbard, American cartoonist/humorist

An election is coming.  Universal peace is declared and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry. — George Eliot

Never believe anything in politics until it has been officially denied. — Otto von Bismarck

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies. — Groucho Marx

Politics is the entertainment division of the military-industrial complex. —Frank Zappa

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress.  But I repeat myself. — Mark Twain

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. — Salvor Hardin, in Isaac Asimov, Foundation saga

If voting made any difference, they wouldn’t let us do it. — attrib. to Mark Twain

For the life of me, I can’t figure out what they were trying to say.

No, I don’t blame you.  Most of them are pretty bad.

Umm…doesn’t that imply that…nah…yeah?…nah!…kinda…

I remember those monster slides.  You know they won’t even let them on a playground anymore.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

– Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899

Ah – the times they are a changin’…

School boy to teacher: “I did my homework, but the dog pressed control-alt-delete!”

They’ll never get it…

My sister, Sharon, and I are close, and that allows us to be honest with each other. As she fidgeted in front of the mirror one evening before a date, she remarked, “I’m fat.”

“No, you’re not,” I scolded.

“My hair is awful.”

“It’s lovely.”

“I’ve never looked worse,” she whined.

“Yes, you have,” I replied.

Stumpy was visiting a friend in the hospital. He was trying to stop smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he got on the elevator. 

A lady said to him with a snarl, ‘Sir, there’s no smoking in here.’

Stumpy said, ‘I’m not smoking lady.’ 

‘But you have a cigar in your mouth,’ the woman said. 

‘Lady, ‘ Stumpy answered, ‘I’ve got on Jockey shorts, too, but I’m not riding a horse.’ ” 

A man walks into a bar, he sees two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. He asks the barman, “Why are those two pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling?” 

The barman replies, “It’s a competition which we run every night. If you can jump up and touch the meat, you get free drinks for the whole night.” 

Great!” says the man, “but what if I can’t reach them?”

Then you have to buy all the drinks for everyone all night,” the barman  answers. 

Do you want to try?” 

No, but thanks anyway.” 

Why not?” asks the barman. 

The steaks are too high.” 

Top ten bizarre customer complaints to Holiday Reps received by the firm in recent years:

1 On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food at all.

2 The beach was too sandy.

3 I bought a snorkel and swimming mask for my six-year-old son, but he was too upset to use them as the fish frightened him.

4 It rained on my birthday.

5 Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women.

6 I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.

7 It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time – this should be banned.

8 We bought ‘Ray-Ban’ sunglasses for five euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake.

9 None of the hotel staff was English, and the tea didn’t taste the same as at home.

10 I would like to complain about the price of alcohol in the resort. It was too cheap and I woke with a hangover every day.

I love this one.  I too saw it as military humor.  There were additional ones that I’ve seen.  There were some that I’ve personally found.  There was one that I personally stopped from becoming a write up that would have cost a lot of man-hours and a lot of money that couldn’t possibly be a problem…I’ll tell you about that one at the end.  But first, this one.

Originally Military humor that keeps going around but still funny:
___________________

It takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way,UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. 

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
*
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
*
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.
*
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
*
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-feet-per-minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground..
*
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
*
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
*
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.
*
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
*
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.
*
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
*
P: Aircraft handles funny. 
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.
*
P:Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
*
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
*
And the last one…
*
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.

In the Air Force we had the Aircraft forms and you had three different types of write ups.  There was a little box in the upper left corner of the forms page where you would write the description of what the problem was and in that box you would put a symbol.  Each of the three different kinds of write ups had a different kind of symbol and meant something different.  A red X, meant the aircraft was grounded and couldn’t fly again until the write up was cleared.  Only certain people could clear a red X.  A red diagonal was a serious problem and may or may not ground the aircraft depending on what else went along with it.  And then a red dash was mostly informational.

So, I was working F-4 E’s, which had the 20mm nose gun and I got a call to meet the jet because the pilot was calling in for a slow firing gun.  Having worked the gun shop and the loading shop on that particular jet I knew how almost impossible that was.  So, I met the jet as he taxied in and out of the back seat climbs an instructor pilot who I was familiar with.  Good guy, but liked to let the trainee pilots hang themselves and not rescue them from stupid situations.  So, I was pretty sure that that was what I had.  Out of the front seat, slowly climbed down a 1Lt.  I let the crew chief have him first while I popped the gun panel, glanced inside to make sure there weren’t a bunch of twisted parts lying everywhere and waiting my turn.  Finally the IP (Instructor Pilot) pointed the lieutenant my way and I asked him what the problem was.  I made him explain it to me in detail. The major was standing behind him rolling his eyes.  And finally I asked him, “Sir, when you did your walk around pre-flight, did you inspect your gun?”

He looked a little startled but answered, “Well, as much as I could through that little panel.  Got my starting ammo count and such.  You know.”

“Right.  I gotcha.  Well, when you did your inspection, did you happen to notice, on the side of the 20 millimeter round, right near the top, where it says, ’20 MM’ did you notice if they were capital Ms or lower case Ms?”

And he gets this terrified look in his eyes like: NO ONE EVER TOLD ME I WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE A NOTE OF THAT!!! But what he said was, very calmly, “Well, no Sargent, I didn’t notice.”

I said, “Ah, that’s probably it then.  They were probably small Ms.  The small Ms are the slow firing ammo and the capital Ms are the regular, fast firing ammo.  We were supposed to have gotten rid of all that old slow firing stuff, but you may have gotten some of that old lot.  I wouldn’t worry.  It shouldn’t happen again.  No problem then.  Will there be anything else, sir?”

And everything would have been fine, if I hadn’t caught the major’s eye behind him.  He’s got tears running down his face, he’s trying so hard to not laugh.  I started to crack up and had to pretend that I went into a coughing fit.  Bent over and turned away so he wouldn’t see me and then walked away coughing.  

The major tracked me down later and told me it was the funniest thing he ever heard and retold that story over and over again. 

Oh, to put it all in perspective…he was going to red X the aircraft, which would have required pulling the entire gun system out of the jet, completely breaking the gun system down and rebuilding it and putting it back in again.  Then boresighting the gun, also.  About a hundred-twenty man hours worth of labor and grounding the jet for about 5 days minimum.  

And that’s it my friends.  Lots of me in this one.  I hope you enjoyed it.