I don’t have a lot of time, so I’m going to jump right into it.  I got a bunch of eclipse stuff, so let me start with a picture that my son, the Whelpling sent to me.  Taken with his Samsung Galaxy phone:

This one is also from him and his phone.

And this one is from Pop Smith who tells us that this what the eclipse looks like from Western Kentucky

And my Deputy’s daughter sent him this one

Solar eclipse over downtown Cleveland, next to the iconic Terminal Tower

And now for the other stuff…

“One of the most beautiful photos of over 73 years of life together. 

In 2003, Prince Philip wore the Queen’s Guard uniform. She walks past him and busts out laughing”…….

Dog diary. 

* Today my master came home, and he petted and fed me. I love my master, I love my master. 
* Today my master came home, and I brought him his newspaper and he petted me. I love my master, I love my master. 
* Today my master came home, and I brought him his slippers and newspaper and he petted me and gave me a treat. I love my master, I love my master. 
* Today my master came home and he threw a rubber ball to me and when I returned it and licked his face he gave me two treats. I love my master, I love my master. 

Cat diary. 

* Today is day 43 of my captivity. The people inside my house are growing weak . . .

I feel so bad for Joe, he writes: 

I’m so depressed… I went to the Dr. today and he refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. 

Said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

On Tuesday nights we have wrestling…

Bob is going to take a short walk to blow off some steam.

This is OUTSTANDING!  Well worth watching.  https://www.facebook.com/share/r/aGd2u6qbD1rQZ6KS/?mibextid=0VwfS7

Illinois, Orland Park Law 

No pool tables are allowed in a public establishment, because it supports gambling. 

Okay, by a show of hands, how many people knew that?

Stephen sent this to us…I’m not sure what to think…

I picked out the good ones and the last one is the best!

Just because it’s a cool picture

We were listening to a lecture on psychic phenomena in our Comparative Religions course. 

Our instructor told us about a woman who contacted police working on a missing-persons case. 

“She gave eerily detailed instructions on where to find the body,” the teacher said.

“In fact, the detectives did find the body just as she had described. Now what would you call that kind of person?” 

While the rest of us pondered the question, a sheriff’s officer taking the course raised his hand and replied, “A suspect.” 

Jeff beckoned to a salesman in the department store, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin that Eunice was admiring, and asked, “Excuse me young lady, how much is this dress?” 

“That dress is $899.95, Sir,” sneered the rather snotty saleswoman. 

“$899.95? For $99.95 I could get the same dress at the Bargain Store downtown!” 

“But sir,” said the saleswoman, “You’ll find that the dress downtown is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool.” 

“Jeff says, So? For $800 I should care what the lambs do at night?” 

If it works, right?

In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify a woman’s ultimate fantasy.  

Ninety-seven point eight percent of the respondents said that a woman’s ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. 

While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning.

I will NOT tell you who sent this to me.  I wouldn’t bust a brother like that.

Know what the difference between in-laws and outlaws is?

Outlaws are wanted!

And how many of the youngsters won’t get that one?

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” Explained the man. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.” We hadn’t gone too far when my wife’s mule stumbled. My wife quietly said, “That’s once.”

We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said,” That’s twice.” We hadn’t gone a half mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife promptly removed a revolver from her pocket and shot him.

I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, “That’s once.” 

AMEN!!!
Amen!  Amen!  Amen!  Amen!
If you want a marriage that lasts for 20, 30, 40 years…you better be giving 100%.  You both better be.  And it better not feel like it.

A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy 2 servings per night, and a few more on weekends, I consume about 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals one pound of weight per week.
 
Therefore, in the last 3-1/2 years, I have had chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds, and I only weigh 165 pounds.
 
So… without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about 3 months ago! I owe my life to chocolate!!

Electric vehicle owners should ONLY be allowed to charge their cars using solar and wind power, otherwise it’s just pretend.

A dog had his chain reduced one link at a time, every few days, until his chain was so short he could barely move.  He never resisted because he was conditioned to the loss of his freedom slowly, over time. 
It’s happening to us all.

The Christian missionary was making his first visit to a cannibal tribe.
 
The missionary asked the cannibal chief, “Do you people know anything about religion?”
 
After a pause, the chief answered, “We got a little taste of it when the last missionary was here.”

Pretty interesting story…if you want to read the rest of it, click here  https://news.join1440.com/t/j-l-suruihk-dlydjkwo-ti/

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home. 

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. 

The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything. 

Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. 

They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. 

They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats. 

Finally, the banker said, “Preacher, why did you ask us to come?” 

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, “Jesus died between two thieves, and that’s how I want to go.” 

A Poem for Seniors

 

Another year has passed,

And we’re a little older.

Last summer felt hotter,

And winter seems colder.

 

There was a time not long ago,

When life was quite a blast.

Now I fully understand,

About ‘Living in the Past’

 

We used to go to weddings,

Football games and lunches…

Now we go to funeral homes,

And after-funeral brunches.

 

We used to go out dining,

And couldn’t get our fill.

Now we ask for doggie bags,

Come home and take a pill.

 

We used to often travel,

To places near and far.

Now we get sore asses,

From riding in the car.       

 

We used to go to nightclubs,

And drink a little booze.

Now we stay home at night,

And watch the evening news.

 

That, my friend is how life is,

And now my tale is told.

So, enjoy each day and live it up…

Before you’re too damned old!

My mother-in-law passed out cold after blowing out all 75 candles on her birthday cake . . . 

For a second there I thought my wishes had come true.