And boy has it been an unusual day. 

One of the things that I have been doing since Mary passed away over two years ago, is partially living out of my laundry basket. 

Okay, reading back over that, it actually does sound worse than I thought it would and I thought it would sound pretty bad. 

It sounds pretty bad. 

Okay, the key word in that sentence is partially.  Partially living out of my laundry basket.  Let me see if I can explain this in such a way that you guys don’t end up calling a welfare check in on me.

Most of you know that when my dear Mary passed away, my go-to for grief is to stop eating, right?  I ended up losing … well, at this point in time over 125 pounds.  As of the other day 132 pounds from my heaviest to now.  Not that I didn’t need to lose weight (obviously) but I did that in a matter of a couple of months.  But, I did it in exactly the wrong way.  To the point that Lisa, my doctor told me to either start eating or she’d put me in the hospital and force me to eat.  Anyway, the point of that is that with losing so much weight, some of my clothes didn’t fit anymore, specifically my underwear and I had been having new trouble with my feet, so I had bought new socks. 

I had been buying shirts and jeans to fit, but they get hung up in the closet and don’t really count and as I replaced shirts and jeans and such, they got turned in to Goodwill.  But the underwear and socks, the shorts and some other clothes that don’t normally get hung up didn’t really have a home because I hadn’t cleaned out my dresser, just my closet, so the “new” underwear and socks just kind of got folded and kept in an extra laundry basket. 

Well, it was getting a little out of hand and starting to pile up in the laundry basket and I had told Izzy Dragon that I needed to clean out the drawers and get all that stuff turned into Goodwill also and well, today (Saturday) was the day. 

When I got into the drawers, it was mostly…socks.  I have no idea what happened to all my old underwear.  I could have already gotten rid of it.  As you may remember, I wasn’t at my best for the first couple of months or more and well, this is what I mean by mostly socks: 

That doesn’t count the socks that came out of the laundry basket.  Needless to say, most of them ended up in a new box for Goodwill.

That was only part of my day.  I did a tiny bit of writing, that will probably get me kicked off of Facebook, but that’s okay.  I don’t mind.  I wrote this:

One of my best and oldest friends, who was my barracks mate in Germany in 1981-82 and who I speak to almost every day, sent me this. I know it’s been around and been said before, but with as many so called “Christian” churches getting it wrong in these later days, perhaps it’s a good time to revisit some old lessons.

5 THINGS JESUS DID NOT SAY

1. Follow your heart.

Jesus said, “Follow me.”

2. Be true to yourself.

Jesus said, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny himself…”

3. Believe in yourself.

Jesus said, “Believe in me.”

4. Live your truth.

Jesus said, “I am the truth.”

5. As long as you are happy.

Jesus said, “What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul?”

I hear so many times, “I’m basically a good person, I’ll be alright. I know God just wants us all to be good.” I’ve got news for you. God just wants us all to be PERFECT!! Completely sin free. That is the ONLY way to get to Heaven — on our own. And you know what? There was only one…ONE perfect person ever born on this earth (and you and me ain’t it!) and He died on a cross so that you and I could get into Heaven WITHOUT being perfect. In fact, Jesus is the ONLY way for us to get into Heaven.

It doesn’t matter what you’ve done.

It doesn’t matter how bad you’ve been, how many sins you’ve committed.

It also doesn’t matter how good you’ve been.

Jesus doesn’t care if you’re the thief on the cross or have six hospitals and a post office named after you.

Do you want to get to Heaven?

Are you TRULY repentant?

Are you truly turning away from your sins?

Do you believe that Jesus is your Lord and Savior — that He died for your sins and was resurrected?

If you are honest in that, then your life will change all on its own and you are in for a heck of a ride.

Your next step is to find a GOOD Christian church. A Bible based church. And the whole Bible, not just the parts you agree with.

Just an aside here… I hear someone say, “Well, that’s the Old Testament, that doesn’t really apply nowadays.” There are probably some of the old 613 Mitzvah (Jewish commandments) that no longer apply. I’d bet it’s okay to cut your hair at the temple now and to shave your beard.

But there are other laws having to do with marriage and sex and such that you know as well as I that are still very much in effect.

To say, as a Christian, that any part of the Bible no longer applies is to say that God made a mistake. God Does Not Make Mistakes!

“I was born in the wrong body.” — God Does Not Make Mistakes!

Any church that accepts that or allows that or says they believe that is … (say it with me) … not a Christian Church.

Okay, so let me get this out there before I get kicked off of Facebook. If you’re looking for a church, I know of a good one. Come join us on Sunday at 10 am for service or come a little earlier for fellowship and coffee (you can normally score a donut as well). There’s Men’s Breakfast on Saturday once a month and Joy Group and Bible Study and all kinds of small groups that we do to keep you as engaged and involved as you want/need to be.

We are:

Zion Chapel

915 S. Broadway

Peru, IN 46970

Hope to see you there.

Yeah, I’ve been there.

Okay, raise your hand, paw, claw, or talon if you’ve ever stayed up all night because you HAD to find out how a book ended.

The Drunk Driver and the Police Officer

 Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in the Outback. After the last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons’ vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

Dumbfounded, the officer said, “I’ll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.”

“I doubt it,” declared the man with pride. “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”

What a great bookshelf and a great use of space.

Gross!  I’ll never sleep again!

Lots of older guys are looking to marry young women.

I know this one couple in particular. He’s about 60 and she is about 25.

Their wedding invitation was very appropriate too.

His name was in Gothic type and her name was in crayon.

A teenager who had just received her provisional driving licence offered to drive her parents to church.

After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination.

The mother got out of the car and said, “Thank you!”

“Anytime,” her daughter replied.

As the woman slammed the door, she said, “I wasn’t talking to you. I was talking to God.”

Yeah, this started off as a color by number thing on my tablet…Okay, so I was sitting in the parking lot waiting on Izzy.

Oh, that’s so easy!!!

Because “an apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

This is REALLY an interesting story.  Thanks to Stephanie for sending it in.  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_McElroy  Ken McElroy, “Town Bully”

One evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer dinner on the stove, and the table set.

She was astonished — something’s up.

It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said wives who worked full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have sex.

The night went well and the next day, she told her office friends all about it.

“We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put everything away.

I really enjoyed the evening.”

“But what about afterward?” asked her friends.

“Oh, that was perfect too. Ralph was too tired…”

You just sort of saw that one coming, right?

Way too many of you youngsters aren’t gonna get that one… but I’m tired of doing all the work for you.  You figure it out.

Sigh!  Oh, alright!

I like puzzles (of all kinds) as much as the next guy, but come on!

Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear a Dad Say

10. Well, how ’bout that?… I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions. Nope

9. You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?  Only as a way to set a trap.  And only then after the hole is already dug

8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude … I like that.  Nope.

7. Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car — GO CRAZY.  Nope

6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?  Nope

5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend … you might want to consider throwing a party.  Hmm, Maybe if we weren’t REALLY planning on going away for the weekend and I needed a good reason to catch them at something so I had slave labor for a month or so…

4. Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies — you know — that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.  So long as your paying your own money.  That’s a good object lesson.  Teaches the kid how to work on his own car.

3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring — now quit your bellyaching, and let’s go to the mall.  Maybe, because I think there might be a good sarcastic object lesson in there somewhere.

2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.  That one is just way too darn funny.

1. Father’s Day? aahh — don’t worry about that — it’s no big deal.  I can’t really picture me saying that under ANY circumstances.

“And her spirit remains…”

Visiting my sister for a few days in Chicago last fall, I decided to get her a thank you gift for staying there.

I visited a new shopping mall and approached a great looking gal in the women’s department.

“I’d like to buy some gloves for a gift for my sister,” I said eyeing the attractive salesgirl, “but I don’t know her size.”

“Will this help?” she asked sweetly, placing her hand in mine while flashing me a big devilish smile. “Oh, yes,” I answered. “Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.”

“Will there be anything else?” the salesgirl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves.

“Now that you mention it,” I replied, “I think she also needs a bra and panties.”

Two women were bemoaning the state of the National Health Service.

One said, “Do you know, my ninety-three-year-old mother has been waiting over a year for her operation?”

“That’s appalling,” said the other woman. “What a terrible way to treat someone of that age.”

“I know,” said the first woman. “It got so bad that at one point I even said to her, ‘Mum, do you really need bigger boobs?'”

Hmm, that might be a bit of a stretch…

And another one that the youngsters won’t get.

Ted sent this to me and it is fantastic!

Isn’t that awesome?

I didn’t know that…and found it very weird.

The Original…how it all started.

Proverbs of the 3rd Millennium 

* Home is where you hang your @. 

* The email of the species is more deadly than the mail. 

* A journey of a thousand sites begins with a single click. 

* You can’t teach a new mouse old clicks. 

* Great groups from little icons grow. 

* Speak softly and carry a cellular phone. 

* In some places, C:\ is the root of all directories. 

* Oh, what a tangled Website we weave when first we practice. 

* Pentium wise, pen and paper foolish. 

* The modem is the message. 

* Too many clicks spoil the browse. 

* The geek shall inherit the earth. 

* Don’t byte off more than you can view. 

* Fax is stranger than fiction. 

* What boots up must come down. 

* Windows will never cease. 

* Virtual reality is its own reward. 

* Modulation in all things. 

* There’s no place like your homepage. 

* Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day, teach him to use the Net and he won’t bother you for weeks 

If you ever see kids selling lemonade in your neighborhood, stop and buy a cup or two.  They have more ambition than the majority of adults in today’s workforce.

Okay, I can honestly say that it wouldn’t be the worst thing I’ve ever done.

A parent decreed one Christmas that she was no longer going to remind her children of their thank-you note duties.  

As a result their grandmother never received acknowledgments of the generous cheques she had given.  

The next year things were different, however. 

“The children came over in person to thank me,” the grandparent told a friend triumphantly. 

“How wonderful!” the friend exclaimed.  “What do you think caused the change in behavior?” 

“Oh, that’s easy,” the grandmother replied.  “This year I didn’t sign the cheques.”

The Top Ten Things Men Know *FOR SURE* About Women 

1. 

2. 

3. 

4. 

5. 

6. 

7. 

8. 

9.  They have boobs. 

10.  Some have BIG boobs.

TYPES OF WOMEN 

HARD-DISK Woman: 
She remembers everything, FOREVER. 

RAM Woman: 
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off. 

WINDOWS Woman: 
Everyone knows that she can’t do a thing right, but no one can live without her. 

SCREENSAVER Woman: 
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun! 

INTERNET Woman: 
Difficult to access. 

SERVER Woman: 
Always busy when you need her. 

MULTIMEDIA Woman: 
She makes horrible things look beautiful. 

CD-ROM Woman: 
She is always faster and faster. 

E-MAIL Woman: 
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense. 

VIRUS Woman: 
Also known as “WIFE”; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will loose something and if you don’t try to uninstall her you will be rendered useless… 

And with that, I’m gonna call it done.  I hope you had as much fun as I did.  Until next time…