I am so emotional this week.  Two days ago was Mary’s birthday, which coincided with Palm Sunday, the first day of Holy Week and celebrated Jesus’ triumphant entrance into Jerusalem. 

Today is Maundy Thursday.  The fifth day of Holy Week. So many things happened today.  Also known as Holy Thursday, today is the day of the Last Supper where Jesus celebrated His final Passover with His Disciples, the washing of the Disciples feet, Christ’s prayer, agony and subsequent betrayal by Judas in the Garden of Gethsemane, and He gave His Disciples a new commandment.

I mentioned the other day how I feel that so many people, me included, feel that we are growing closer and closer to the Rapture.  And I truly, truly don’t want any of my friends and family to be left here to have to go through the seven years of the tribulation.  It sounds truly horrible.  I am so strongly moved to encourage everyone to get themselves saved.

Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.”  (John 14:6) In other words, He is the only way to get to Heaven.  And later Paul said in Romans 10:9, “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”  But part of the belief, that FAITH, is repenting of your sins and accepting that the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross paid for your sins and that NOTHING you can do can make up for them. 

I know I didn’t say that very eloquently.  I’ve gotten 4 phone calls and made two trips since I started this paragraph.  So, let’s move on to this part and start the show.

Indiana Law

State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post. 

Currently living in Indiana, this really doesn’t surprise me that it is still on the books.  And it wouldn’t surprise me at all that it has been charged against somebody in the last ten years or so.  I did some searching and couldn’t find out, but I did find some other interesting things…keep reading and I’ll fill you in as we go along.

Okay, how about ten crazy laws in Indiana?

1. Baths are not allowed from October to March.  That explains an awful lot of the smells around here.
2. You’ll be charged $3 per deck if caught playing cards.  Way too many people play Euchre around here for that to stick.  That has to go back to the hard-core Bible thumping days.  Or maybe the Amish?
3. Anyone working in the state government caught privately dueling will be immediately fired.  Yeah, we did that one already.  It does beg the question about public dueling being legal or not?
4. If you charge money for a puppet show, you will be fined $3.  They do like that $3 fine.  And apparently puppet shows are immoral.  So, if you charge enough to cover the fine, you should be alright.
5. Every male between the ages of 18-50 must work six days per year on Indiana public roads.  Every man I know should be in jail.  
6. Forging a check is punishable by a public flogging.  Now, that’s just a common sense law.  I think if more laws were punishable by a public flogging and it was actually carried out, in the town square, things would be a lot better off around here.
7. Moustaches are illegal if you tend to kiss others.  WHAT?  That’s just wrong!
8. If crossing the highway by foot at night, you can’t wear tail lights.  Which implies that headlights are okay… um … I have questions.
9. Sheets in hotels must measure 99 inches long by 81 inches wide…exactly.  Okay…why?
10. It’s illegal to catch a fish with your bare hands.  I really want to know the story behind why this law was written.

Stay tuned for more Indiana fun coming up.

Yeah, that one should really go at the end but…nah!

Okay, how about this fun list?

What are 10 fun facts about Indiana that many people may not know about?

1. The name “Indiana” stands for Land of the Indians. However, less than 8,000 Native Americans live in Indiana today.

2. Approximately 90% of the world’s popcorn comes from Indiana. Indiana was also the birthplace of Orville Redenbacher.

3. Indianapolis, Indiana hosted Elvis Presley’s very last concert in Market Square Arena in 1977.

4. Indiana is one of thirteen states in the country with more than one time zone.

5. North America’s first theme park ever built was in Santa Claus, Indiana on August 3, 1946.

6. Indiana is home to the “World’s Largest Christmas Tree.” It’s located in Indianapolis and boasts 52 strands of garland and 4,784 lights.  I call foul on this one!  It’s not really a Christmas tree.  They string lights on the Indiana Soldiers and Sailors Monument on Monument Circle at the center of Indianapolis and just call it a tree.  It ain’t really a tree!  [BUZZ!!]  Thanks for playin’!  I’ll find a picture and show you.

7. The Lewis & Clark Expedition began in Clarksville, Indiana in October of 1803.

8. The North Pole doesn’t receive letters for Santa Claus. Instead, Santa Claus, Indiana does. Every letter also receives a reply.

9. Thanks to its 32 covered bridges, Parke County, Indiana is known as the “Covered Bridge Capital of the World.”

10. Indiana native Syvanus F. Bower was responsible for inventing the world’s first real gas pump.

Here’s the tree:

Impressive?  Absolutely!  A tree? Nah.

You think dogs and cats were the only thing affected by Chernobyl? 

Too true!

Two lawyers, Frank and Harry, meet for a drink. Frank says, “You know what happened? An angel was sent down to compile a list of the dishonest lawyers on earth.

Six months later he dragged himself back to Heaven, exhausted. ‘Believe me,’ he told God, ‘it’d be easier if I just made note of all of the honest lawyers on earth. In fact, I think I could do that in a weekend.’

God said, ‘Fine.’ Come Monday morning, the angel turned in his list and God said, ‘That’s terrific. Now I think you should send all the lawyers on this list a note of congratulations.'”

Frank pauses and sips his Scotch. Then he says, “There was a postscript to the angel’s note. You know what it was?”

Harry says, “No.”

“Aha! So you didn’t get one either!”

Hmm, I have that same condition!  Maybe we should form a support group.  We could meet … in the backyard and grill some steaks.

It must be true, some of you guys have been hanging around for a LONG time.  To the best of my figuring, it’s going to be 18 years this June…in one form or another.

In the north of England lived a man, poorly educated, who made a large fortune by selling his design for a bicycle chain.  With this money he set about realising his childhood ambition to become a country squire. He purchased a beautiful estate near the Scottish border, and proceeded, with the help of some excellent servants, to live in a manner none in his family had ever dreamed of.

Foremost of these servants was his butler, Jeeves, a well educated man who assisted his master in every way he could to better himself.  The master would often ask Jeeves for advice on how to handle a social situation, or to explain a new term.

One day when the master was reading he called Jeeves in and asked, “Jeeves, what is this fox pass?”

“Sir,” replied Jeeves, “that would be ‘faux pas’. I’ll give you an example.  Do you remember recently when Lord and Lady Plushbottom stayed for the weekend? And do you remember how on Sunday morning Lord Plushbottom pricked his finger on a rose?

“And do you further remember how later, at breakfast, Lady Plushbottom asked her husband ‘Is your prick still throbbing dear?’ and you said ‘Bloody Hell!’ and I dropped the marmalade?”

“That, Sir, was a faux pas.”

Not necessarily.  But it does tend to make things easier.

There was a really cute princess walking through the woods, and she heard a voice calling, “Hey Really Cute Princess!” 

She looked around and didn’t see anyone but a frog. She started to walk on but the frog called again. 

“Hey Really Cute Princess, if you take me home and let me sleep on your pillow, I will turn back into a Handsome Prince!” 

It had been a very boring day so she decided to give it a try even though she really didn’t believe the frog. 

The Really Cute Princess took the frog home with her and let him sleep on her pillow. 

When she got up the next day what do you think she found?

There on her pillow sat a really Handsome Prince. 

Do you believe the story? 

Well neither did her mother! 

Yeah, kind of saw that one coming…

“Sir, may I see your authority to enter?”  says the door guard at Dragon Laffs, Inc.

My son had just turned 15 when I finally decided to talk to him about sex.

To ensure private time, I brought him on a ski trip and began our talk on the chair lift so he couldn’t escape. “Do you know about girls and babies?” I asked. He nodded but cut me off.

The next ride up the ski lift, I brought it up again, only to have him look away in silence.

On the third lift, already knowing I had waited too long, I bluntly asked, “Son, would you like to talk about sex?”

“Damn, Dad,” he responded, “is that all you ever think about?”

Joe sent this one in.  I hope it was anecdotal and not a true story.

We recently had a meeting with our insurance agent. These were some of the questions:

Do you know the present value of your husband’s policy?” 

“What do you mean?” countered my wife. 

“If you should lose your husband, what would you get?” asked the salesman. 

She thought a minute, then brightened up and said, “Probably a poodle.” 

I agree wholeheartedly!

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat.

He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, “Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it.”

So she drove the boat to shore and safely docked it.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television.

She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, “Please go into the kitchen, dear.

Pretend I’m having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes.”

Thank you God, for giving us your Son.

The printing of newspapers, magazines and books offer limitless possibilities for error, human and mechanical. When goofs do occur, editors scurry to print corrections, even though we often prefer the misprint to the corrected version.

Here just a few samples:

IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our Easy Sky Diving book, please make the following correction: on page 8, line 7, the words “state zip code” should have read “pull rip cord.”

It was incorrectly reported last Friday that today is T-shirt Appreciation Day. In fact, it is actually Teacher Appreciation Day.

From a California bar association’s newsletter: Correction — the following typo appeared in our last bulletin: “Lunch will be gin at 12:15 p.m.” Please correct to read “12 noon.”

There are two important corrections to the information in the update on our Deep Relaxation professional development program. First, the program will include meditation, not medication. Second, it is experiential, not experimental.

Our article about Jewish burial customs contained an error: Mourners’ clothing is rent, that is, torn — not rented.

In the City Beat section of Friday’s paper, firefighter Dwight Brady was misidentified. His nickname in the department is “Dewey.” Another firefighter is nicknamed “Weirdo.” We apologize for our mistake.

SELF-EVIDENT TRUTHS ABOUT PETS

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.

Cat’s motto: No matter what you’ve done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.

Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever.

Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.

Dog’s have owners.

Cat’s have staff.

Dogs believe they are human.

Cats believe they are God.

Dogs shed, cats shred.

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket then giving Fido only two of them.

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does.

Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane.

Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.

I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.

People that hate cats will come back as dogs in their next life.

We wonder why the dogs always drink out of our toilets, but look at it from their point of view:
Why do humans keep urinating into their water bowls?

Um…In that order?

Kansas Law 

The state game rule prohibits the use of mules to hunt ducks.

I have questions…

Okay, first question:  Who recognizes them?
Second question: Who are they?
See below for answers…

From top to bottom: Mr. Moose, Captain Kangaroo, and Mr. Green Jeans, from the Captain Kangaroo show. Running for 29 years on CBS from 1955 to 1984.  I had no idea it ran that long.  Bob Keeshan was born in 1927.  That means he was 28 years old when he started doing Captain Kangaroo and 57 when he quit.

If your college degree doesn’t produce enough value for you to pay it off, it certainly doesn’t have enough value for your neighbor to it off.

That is so beautiful

The Biggest Scam In Life:
Paying taxes on money you make,
Taxes on money you spend,
And taxes on things you own that you already paid taxes on with already taxed money.

Think about it.

This has got to be the most infuriating joke of all time!

A little boy is walking to school one day and hears some kids talking about the yellow flower. 

He decides he wants to find out what it is. 

He gets to school and says to his teacher, “I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. What is it?” 

His teacher says, “I will not tolerate that kind of talk in my classroom! Go to the Principal’s office!” 

The little boy goes up to the Principal’s office, and the Principal asks him, “What are you doing up here, son?” 

The little boy replies, “I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was and she sent me up here. What is it?” 

The Principal says, “I will not have that kind of talk in my school! You are expelled from this school and every other school in the state! Get out!” 

So the little boy goes home. His mother asks, “What are you doing home so early?” 

“I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the Principal’s office, and the Principal expelled me from every school in the state. What is the yellow flower?” 

His mother says, “Go up to your room! You’re going to bed without dinner. I’ll send your father up to talk to you when he gets home.”

So the little boy goes up to his room, and about 5:00 his dad got home from work. He went up to the boy’s room and said, “Your mom tells me you’ve been a bad boy. What did you do?” 

“Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the principal’s office, the Principal expelled me from every school in the state, and mom sent me to bed without dinner. What’s the yellow flower?” His dad says, “Get out of my house son! I don’t ever want to see you again!” 

The little boy is walking down the street, and a few hours later and policeman stopped him. He asked him why he was walking by himself so late at night. 

The little boy says, “Well, I was on my way to school and I heard some kids talking about the yellow flower. 

I asked my teacher what it was, and she sent me to the Principal’s office, the Principal expelled me from every school in the state, mom sent me to bed without dinner, and dad kicked me out of the house. 

Can you tell me what the yellow flower is?” 

The policeman says, “That’s enough of that! You’re going to jail for 99 years!” 

99 years later, he comes back an old man, and decides he wants to try to find out what the yellow flower is. 

So he heads to his old school where it all started. 

As he was crossing the street, he got hit by a car and he died. What’s the moral of the story? 

 

Look both ways before crossing the street. 

Just for comparison’s sake, Izzy Dragon has 13 out of 24, I have 24 out of 24.

A man’s out walking his dog one day, when it slips the leash, and runs away. 

As the man is chasing the dog down the street, the dog runs into a yard and bites the lady that lives there. 

The woman rushes into the house and sends her husband out to deal with the man and his dog. 

The dog owner is beside himself with worry as the husband approaches, and says, “Sir, how about a settlement. Would twenty-five dollars do?” 

The husband pauses for a moment and replies, “Sure, and if you come around next week, it’s worth another twenty-five!”

This is outstanding.  There are more I would add…

Rules to Live By 

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully. 

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as (more) important as any other. 

THREE. Don’t believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want. 

FOUR. When you say, “I love you,” mean it. 

FIVE. When you say, “I ‘m sorry,” look the person in the eye.

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married. 

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight. 

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone’s dream. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much. 

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely. 

TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling. 

ELEVEN. Don’t judge people by their relatives. 

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly. 

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don’t want to answer, smile and ask, “Why do you want to know?” 

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk. 

FIFTEEN. Say “bless you” when you hear someone sneeze.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson 

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R’s: Respect for self; Respect for others; and responsibility for all your actions. That goes along quite well with the second greatest

EIGHTEEN. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

NINETEEN. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. 

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone! . The caller will hear it in your voice. 

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone. 

The National Wallace Monument, Scotland

That’s a MONUMENT?!?!

An Adelie penguin with Isabellinism, a genetic mutation that dilutes the pigment in its feathers.

This is a house on the shore of Lake Erie that was encased in ice from the spray of the lake hitting the houses and freezing, making the house one giant icicle.  March 2020

Indoor Rainforest inside Singapore Changi Airport.

Okay, I’ve been in a LOT of airports in my day, but I ain’t never seen anything like this!

Clouds producing a right angle.

Absolutely amazing!

Albino Moose

Boy ain’t that the truth!  

The rest of this is some stuff I’ve been saving and holding on to.  I think leading up to Easter is the perfect time to put some of it to use.

This is the wall in my house where, when I find something out shopping that strikes my fancy or that I really like, it goes here.  I’ve told you how much the 23rd Psalm means to me, well The Lord Is My Shepherd started the whole thing a couple of months ago.  The worry sign, because I’ve shared with you how much worry is a sin I’m constantly battling, the cross made out of large, exaggerated nails for obvious reasons, “be still and know that I am God” to remind me, while going through things with my brother’s estate that it is all part of God’s plan, and Let Us Adore Him because every single day, all day long, throughout the day, we should be praising Him in all that we do, in all that we see, in the way that we act, and in the way that we interact with others.  Remember the greatest commandment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”

Okay, let’s finish off with a couple of more funnies and call it an issue.

Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you;
The next day I stopped smoking. 

Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you;
The next day I stopped eating red meat.. 

Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you; 
The next day I stopped drinking. 

Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you; 
This morning I stopped reading. 

Cop:  Do you mind identifying the body [puts hand on my shoulder] I have to warn you the body was hacked up. 
Me:  [tearing up] Yes, that’s my brother Reese. 
Cop:  You’re sure? 
Me:  [nodding] Those are Reese’s Pieces.

And that’s it.  We’ve had enough.