Good Morning Campers,

Well, I have GREAT news and bad news.  Which do you want first?  Oh, and I also have news, news.  Okay, the news, news first.  I found out about the goblets.  They were sent to me by my buddy Jonathan, who I used to dispatch with at the State Police.  You can read his comments in the comments section where he tells me flat out that he told me ahead of time that he was sending them.  LOL!  And he’s right, he did, I just didn’t remember … or didn’t associate them with what we were talking about at the time.  Maybe I didn’t think of such an extravagant gift because, man!  I was gobbsmacked when I saw them.  So, that’s one mystery solved.

Okay, so bad news…

The delays in Dragon Laffs publication are not over with yet.  This next week will be bad.  Today is Saturday, I will try to get a publication out on Monday.  Thursday will be iffy and then you probably won’t see another one until … maybe the Thursday after that.  And since we have another big inspection coming towards the end of April that I will tell you how I got thrown under the bus for later, my time will be taken up with a lot of that, also so for the next month we might miss an issue or two here and there.  But we will get back on track again.  We kind of figured this was all going to happen at some point in time because of the GREAT news, right?  

Oh!  You don’t know what the GREAT news is yet, do you?

But I bet a lot of you can figure it out, can’t you?

My brother’s estate is FINALLY open!!!!  I have the signed copy from the court.  It’s a done deal.  I am finally on the road to finishing this stuff off!  Because of the whole thrown under the bus thing on the base, I have a “can’t miss meeting” with the leadership on Monday and the next flight out is Thursday at 0600.  That means I leave for the airport at 0200.  Then I return home on Saturday.  I have until Sunday to catch up the one mortgage.  So, I land at 0830 on Thursday, pick up my rental car, go to the lawyers office, pick up the paperwork, go to the bank, trust in God that there is money there, negotiate with them for the one mortgage, see if they would possibly cut me two cashiers checks, one for the other mortgage company for the amount that has to be paid by Sunday and one for the balance of the account that I need to bring back with me.  They may or may not be able/willing to do that, so I have to have a plan B and C in mind.  Then I have to go to the other mortgage holder and catch them up.  Then I have to go back to the lawyer’s office and have a real meeting with them. 

Other things I need to do:

• Find tax paperwork
• Talk to Disney about his W-2s
• Search his files for receipts
• Other things the lawyers tell me I have to do

Other things I would like to do:

• Catch up with the friends I made while I was down there the last time.
• Sleep
• Eat

Those last two items I think will end up being optional.  Then I come back home and jump back into the Air Force stuff.  The way I have it planned out, I only miss three days of work, because I’m taking Wednesday off too, and I don’t even have to take leave for those three days because of the 24 hours of credit time I earned LAST week with the killer week I had.  

Just a quick aside, Izzy just read me a bit about a meeting that took place in Uvalde, you remember, where the school shooting took place. Well, some of the parents were quite understandably upset, and one of them, while testifying said, “My child is F**king dead!” Well don’t you know that he was arrested and handcuffed right there!  What was he arrested for?  I’m glad you asked.  ‘This grieving father was arrested, put in handcuffs and taken away for “disrupting a meeting or procession”.  How horrible!  They should throw the book at him!  And bravo for the Uvalde Police who took 7 seconds to neutralize this situation … even if it took 77 minutes for them to do something about someone shooting and killing their children.  There wasn’t even a reason for this distraught father to be upset, it was just a meeting telling him and other parents who had lost their children that their Uvalde Police did nothing wrong that day by standing there and not trying to save their children.

Anyway, you guys are basically caught up, you know kind of what’s going on and what’s to come and where my head is at.  I HAVE to put some laughter out there!  I MUST!  I am going to leave shortly for Izzy’s counselor appointment and she want to go to Goodwill also, which is a thing with her when we go to this appointment.  So, let’s get this started so I feel like I’ve gotten something done.  But, I don’t care if I’m up till 0200 right before publishing time tonight, this is getting done today!!

So, this one comes to us from Aussie Pete.  I’m sure we’ve seen variations on it a million times, but it’s always funny, so let’s see it again, shall we?

10 Hilarious Murphy’s Laws

 1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to go to the restroom.

2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability – The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

5. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre.

6. Guy’s Variation Rider – If you change queues or traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. This also works in supermarkets and shops.

7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Decree of Close Encounters – The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with. This is also the case if you are female and you have gone out with no makeup and wearing your worst clothes and with greasy hair.

9. Murphy’s Office Law – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will. This will also happen when you show someone that something on the computer is easy and it doesn’t work.  Also works at the mechanics and on the flightline.  Where the car ceases to misbehave or the airplane will not duplicate the writeup.  

10. Law of Biomechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

This is the greatest sign EVER to find in a pub.  Because by the time most have to use the urinal, they’d be drunk enough to buy right into it!

And maybe I should save this next video for the political section, but I’m not going to plan that hard today, just so you notice in the later part of this video, about the HUGE increase in Chinese nationals crossing our southern border (and then disappearing into our country, never to be heard from again…they don’t mention that part because it doesn’t fit their narrative.)  when they are all lined up, they are ALL military aged males.  ALL OF THEM.

This one is just cool

See, that’s my version of an E-book.

Huh?

So, Leah writes and says:

So, I just never thought about it, hadn’t a clue where the word Berserk came from.  I don’t think I will use the word as lightly ever gain.

Berserker:

an ancient Scandinavian warrior frenzied in battle and held to be invulnerable

one whose actions are recklessly defiant

The Historian’s Den

Ulfhednar, which translates to “wolf-head” or “werewolf”, were a unique group of Norse warriors who wore wolf skins in combat. They were known to operate in small groups and had a connection with the god Odin. Ulfhednar are often likened to Berserkers, another type of Norse warrior. However, while Berserkers were linked with bear skins, Ulfhednar were both metaphorically and physically tied to wolf skins.

These warriors were thought to be possessed by the spirit of wolves and were known to be shape-shifters (mythologically speaking). This bond with the wolf spirit was believed to boost their abilities and fierceness in battle. Similar to the Berserkers, Ulfhednar held a significant position in Norse society and mythology. Their legends have had a substantial impact on how we view Viking warriors today.

This is so cool!  This kid won $10,000 for his school….I think.  Thanks to Stephanie for sending this in.

Because privacy is so very important to us.

A WIFE Sends a Message to Her HUSBAND

WIFE: “Honey, please don’t forget to buy bread when you’re coming home from work, and lest I forget… Your girlfriend Elizabeth is also here and says hello to you.”

HUSBAND: Who is Elizabeth?

WIFE: Nobody, I just wanted you to respond, so I can have confirmation that you saw my message.

HUSBAND: But I’m with Elizabeth right now, I thought you saw us!

WIFE: What! Where are you?

HUSBAND: Near the neighbourhood bakery.

WIFE: Wait, I’m coming right now!

After 5 minutes, his wife sends a message:

WIFE: I’m at the bakery, where are you?

HUSBAND: I’m at work. Now that you’re at the bakery, please buy the bread and go home!

Our receptionist.

Who Knew? Really Interesting Story

When baseball greats Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig went on tour in baseball-crazy Japan in 1934, some fans wondered why a third-string catcher named Moe Berg was included. 

Although he played with five major-league teams from 1923 to 1939, he was a very mediocre ball player.  But Moe was regarded as the brainiest ballplayer of all time.  In fact Casey Stengel once said:  “That is the strangest man ever to play baseball”. 

When all the baseball stars went to Japan, Moe Berg went with them and many people wondered why he went with “the team”

 

Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth

The answer was simple: Moe Berg was a United States spy, working undercover with the Office of Strategic Services (predecessor of today’s CIA).

Moe spoke 15 languages – including Japanese.  And he had two loves: baseball and spying.

In Tokyo, garbed in a kimono, Berg took flowers to the daughter of an American diplomat being treated in St. Luke’s Hospital – the tallest building in the Japanese capital.

He never delivered the flowers.  The ballplayer ascended to the
hospital roof and filmed key features: the harbor, military installations, railway yards, etc.

Eight years later, General Jimmy Doolittle studied Berg’s films in planning his spectacular raid on Tokyo..

His father disapproved and never once watched his son play. In Barringer High School, Moe learned Latin, Greek and French. 
Moe read at least 10 newspapers everyday.

He graduated magna cum laude from Princeton – having added Spanish, Italian, German and Sanskrit to his linguistic quiver. During further studies at the Sorbonne, in Paris, and Columbia Law School, he picked up Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Indian, Arabic, Portuguese 
and Hungarian – 15 languages in all, plus some regional dialects.

While playing baseball for Princeton University, Moe Berg would describe plays in Latin or Sanskrit. 

Tito’s partisans

During World War II, Moe was parachuted into Yugoslavia to assess the value to the war effort of the two groups of partisans there.  He reported back that Marshall Tito’s forces were widely supported by the people and Winston Churchill ordered all-out support for the Yugoslav underground fighter, rather than Mihajlovic’s Serbians.

The parachute jump at age 41undoubtedly was a challenge. But there was more to come in that same year. Berg penetrated German-held
Norway, met with members of the underground and located a secret heavy-water plant – part of the Nazis’ effort to build an atomic bomb.

His information guided the Royal Air Force in a bombing raid to destroy that plant.

The R.A.F. destroys the Norwegian heavy water plant targeted by Moe Berg. 

There still remained the question of how far had the 
Nazis progressed in the race to build the first Atomic bomb.  If the Nazis were successful, they would win the war.  Berg (under the code name “Remus”) was
sent to Switzerland to hear leading German physicist Werner Heisenberg, a Nobel Laureate, lecture and determine if the Nazis were close to building an A-bomb.  Moe managed to slip past the SS guards at the auditorium, posing as a Swiss graduate student.  The spy carried in his pocket a pistol and a cyanide pill.

If the German indicated the Nazis were close to building a weapon, Berg was to shoot him – and then swallow the cyanide pill. Moe, sitting in the front row, determined that the Germans were nowhere near their goal, so he complimented Heisenberg on his speech and walked him back to his hotel. 

Werner Heisenberg -he blocked the Nazis from acquiring an atomic bomb 

Moe Berg’s report was distributed to Britain’s Prime Minister Winston Churchill, President Franklin D. Roosevelt and key figures in the team developing the Atomic Bomb. Roosevelt responded: “Give my regards to the catcher.”

Most of Germany’s leading physicists had been Jewish and had fled the Nazis mainly to Britain and the United States.  After the war, Moe Berg was awarded the Medal of Freedom – America ‘s highest honor for a civilian in wartime.  But Berg refused to accept it because
he couldn’t tell people about his exploits.

After his death, his sister accepted the Medal. It now hangs in the Baseball Hall of Fame, in Cooperstown.

Presidential Medal of Freedom: the highest award given to civilians during wartime.

Moe Berg’s baseball card is the only card on display at the CIA Headquarters in Washington, DC.

So now you know!

Wow!  What a story!  Thanks to our brother Joe for sending that one in!

I laughed so hard at this one.

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. 

There are three signs of old age. 
The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget. 

You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along. 

Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds? 

You know you’re getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you. 

Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired. 

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. 

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle. 

Of course I’m against sin; I’m against anything that I’m too old to enjoy. 

Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends.
What must hell possibly be like? 
Home videos of the same reunion? 

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. 

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier. 

You know you’re into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise. 

At my age, “getting a little action” means I don’t need to take a laxative. 

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. 

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.

You’re getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. 

You’re getting old when you’re sitting in a rocker and you can’t get it started. 

You’re getting old when your wife gives up sex for Lent, and you don’t know until Labor Day. 

You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before. 

The cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good, spit it out. 

Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is that you are not a hypochondriac. 

It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything. 

You know you’re getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money. 

The priest is repairing the church fence. A boy is standing nearby for a long while. 

The priest asks him: “Do you want to speak with me, my son?”

“No, I’m just waiting.” 

“Waiting for what?” 

“Waiting to hear what a priest says when he hits his finger with a hammer.”

Cherish all your happy moments: they make a fine cushion for old age.

Christopher Morley (1890-1957)

If all the cars in the country were pink, what would we have?

 

A pink car nation.

At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen.

“Paddy,” he asked casually, “didn’t you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?”

“That I did, sir.”

“And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny world. Things in life aren’t divided equally, are they?”

“No, that they ain’t sir,” agreed Paddy, as he proudly slapped the mortar along the line of bricks. “Me poor brother couldn’t do this to save his life!”

This one is a real oldie and goodie…in fact, so old, I couldn’t remember the punch line until I got to the end.  Thanks Joe.

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him, and as he sits  down, the waitress comes over and asks for their order.

The man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a coke,” and  turns to the ostrich.  “What’s yours?”  “I’ll have the same,” says the  ostrich.

A short time later the  waitress returns with the order. “That will be $6.40 please,” and the man  reaches into his pocket and pulls out exact change for  payment.

The next day, the man  and the ostrich come again and the man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries and a  coke,” and the ostrich says, “I’ll have the same.”  Once again the man  reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes a routine until late one evening, the two enter  again. “The usual?” asks the waitress. “No, this is Friday night, so I  will have a steak, baked potato and salad,” says the man. “Same for me,” says  the ostrich.

A short time later  the waitress comes with the order and says, “That will be $12.62.” Once again  the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.  The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity any longer. “Excuse  me, sir. How do you manage to  always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every  time?”

“Well,” says the man,  “several years ago I was cleaning the attic and I found an old lamp. When I  rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if  I ever had to pay for anything, just put my hand in my pocket, and the right  amount of money would always be there.”

“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. “Most people would  wish for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!”

“That’s right! Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls  Royce, the exact money is always there,” says the  man.

The waitress asks, “One  other thing, sir, what’s with the ostrich?”

The man sighs, pauses, and answers, “My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say.”

Now, being a Dragon of Polish descent, I have a very strong affinity for Vodka, but I’ve got to say, I don’t think I could stomach this stuff…

A priest, a rabbi and a Pentecostal preacher all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette.  They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk “shop”. One day someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really that hard.  A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.  Well, one thing led to another and before it was over they decided to do a seven-day experiment.  They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it.

It’s now 7 days later and they’re all together to discuss the experience.

Father O’Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages goes first.  “Wellll,” he says in a fine Irish brogue, “Ey wint oot into th’ wooods to fynd me a bearr.  Oond when Ey fund him Ey began to rread to him from the Baltimorre Chatecism.  Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi’ me und begun to slap me aboot.  So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gintle as a lamb.  The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation.”

Reverend Billy Bob speaks next.  He’s in a wheel chair, with an arm and both legs in casts and an I.V.  drip.  In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaims, “WELL brothers….you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle……..WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear.  And then I began to read to him from God’s HOOOOLY WORD!  But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.  I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me.  So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle.  We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another untill we come to a crick.  So’se I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul.  An’ jus like you you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb.  We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God’s HOOOOLY word.”

They both look down at the rabbi who’s laying in a hospital bed.  He’s in a body cast & traction with IV’s and monitors running in and out of him.  The rabbi looks up and says “Oy!  You don’t know what tough is until you try to circumcise one of those creatures.”

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady’s teeth.  He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell  her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves…

“Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?”

She said, “No?”

“Well,” he spoofed, “down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big ‘Finished Goods Crate’ and start the process all over again.”

And she didn’t laugh a bit!!! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing.

The old woman blushed and exclaimed, “I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!”

 

The secret of making a marriage last.

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in New York.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said, “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!” So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, “In the lake.”

8. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn’t lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now!

9. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

10. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?” The driver said, “No, jump in!”

And another…

Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house. 

After a few days, a young attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a near-by city center studio for a few weeks and that she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays, but would pay for the whole week. 

Doris showed her the house and they agreed to start straight away. “There’s just one problem,” explained the model. “Because of my job, I have to have a bath every night, and I notice you don’t have a bath.” 

“That’s not a problem,” replied Doris. “We have a tin bath out in the yard and we bring it into the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water.” 

“What about your husband? asked the model. 

“Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings,” replied Doris. 

“Good,” said the model. “Now that that’s been settled, I’ll go to the studio and see you tonight.” 

That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared the bath for the model. 

After stripping off, the model stepped into the bath. Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair. 

The model noticed Doris’ staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimmer or underclothes. 

Later when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity and he does not believe her. 

“It’s true, I tell you!” said Doris. 

“Look, if you don’t believe me, tomorrow night I’ll leave the curtains slightly open and you can peek in and see for yourself.”

The next night, Fred left as usual and Doris prepared the bath for the model. 

As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her.

Doris looked towards the curtains and pointed towards the model’s naked pubic area. 

Then she lifted up her skirt and wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass. 

Later Fred returned and they retired to bed. 

“Well, do you believe me now?” she asked Fred. 

“Yes, he replied. “I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. 

But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?” 

“Just to show you the difference,” answered Doris. “But I guess you’ve seen me millions of times.” 

“Yes, said Fred, I have, but the rest of the dart team hadn’t.” 

This guy’s in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, “Ballroom please.” 

A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was crowding you.” 

That’s it my friends.  I didn’t get to all the stuff I wanted to talk about, but I did get to all the funny stuff and let’s face it, that’s what most of you are here for.  So, I’ll try to put another issue together for Monday and if I can’t make it maybe I’ll slide it till Tuesday.  Until then, May God Bless you with Love and Happiness.