You know, I’m getting really tired of telling you guys about the crappy week I’ve had and then apologizing for not having the time to do a good job on the issue I’m currently working on.  I got letters in the mail this week about foreclosing on my brothers house unless I catch up the mortgage to the tune of about $3500.  The paperwork still isn’t done due to … something that I really shouldn’t talk about here because I don’t really understand what her issue is and I don’t want to say things that may not be true and all I’m trying to do is the best that I can do.  I get nothing out of it.  NONE of the estate goes to me.  Nothing, nada, zilch.  I am working only towards the beneficiary and I just can’t afford to put any more money into this.  I don’t HAVE any more money TO PUT into this and it’s almost to the point that I’m ready to wash my hands of the whole thing and lose the $10,000 that I’ve already put in, but I want to do the right thing.  I KNOW God will take care of me.  And I KNOW that I shouldn’t be, but I’m worried about it.  I’m losing sleep over it and it’s starting to affect my job. 

So, like I said, I’m tired of that being the thing I end up talking about every single time I talk to you guys, so I’m done.

I did get a huge blessing the other day.  Our own dear Stephanie, who has been a dear friend for many years, although we’ve never met face to face, wrote something for me, that has really helped.  I want to thank her publicly for her support and her love and maybe I’ll share what she wrote to me later.

I also want to thank ALL of you for the love and support I’ve gotten from all of you.  I’ve gotten some great emails and some comments that I’ll be sharing, 

We have an exercise that starts on Thursday and runs through the weekend, so I’m not sure how many episodes you’ll get over the next week, if any.  I will do my best to put stuff out and to let you know what’s going on.  

I know you guys are used to it and that it happens to me every now and again and we’ll just pick up when we exercise put the world back together again.  We are doing an exercise this weekend to get ready for a big inspection/exercise at the beginning of April, but if we do well in April, we should be good for a while.  If we do BAD in April, you may not hear from me for several months because it will be HELL around here.  LOL!  I shouldn’t laugh because that won’t really be far from the truth.  But, we should be fine.

Anyway, let’s get this train out of the station, shall we?

Sigh!  Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of…

This first video is absolutely amazing!  Thanks to Joe for this one.

You’re going to ask about $60 toilet paper and not say a word about THOSE TOES!?!?

At a party, a woman walked up to Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. president (1923 to 1929) and said, “My husband bet me I couldn’t get three words out of you.”

Coolidge replied “You lose.”

Indiana Law

Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.

Wow.  And to think I was breaking the law for so many years…

Sure, this seems legit.

That’s a pretty good trick…from Indiana

After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, the young lady decided she had been stood up.

She changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and resigned herself to an evening of TV.

No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV than her door- bell rang.

There stood her date.  He took one look at her and gasped, “I’m two hours late–and you’re still not ready?”

A priest and a rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train. 

After a while, the priest put down his book and opened a conversation by saying, “I know that in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork… but have you really never even tasted it?” 

The rabbi closed his newspaper and responded, “I must tell you the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion.” 

The rabbi had his turn of interrogation: “I know that in your religion, you’re supposed to be celibate, but…” 

The priest interjected, “Yes, I know what you are going to ask, and yes, I have succumbed to temptation once or twice.” 

The two resumed their reading. It was silent for a while. 

Then the rabbi peeked around his newspaper with a smile and said, “Better than pork, isn’t it?” 

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. 

When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2″ in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. 

They agreed it was. The students laughed. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. 

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else, the small stuff. 

“If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

But then a student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. 

Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full. 

The moral of this tale is: no matter how full your life is, there is always room for beer. 

LOVE – When you’re only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST – When you’re only interested in doing things TO your partner.
MARRIAGE – When you’re only interested in your golf score.
                 

LOVE – When intercourse is called “making love.”‘
LUST – When intercourse is called “screwing.”
MARRIAGE – When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.

A lawyer dies in a car accident on his 40th birthday and finds himself greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band. Saint Peter runs over, shakes his hand and says “Congratulations!”

“Congratulations for what?” asks the lawyer.

“Congratulations for what?!?” says Saint Peter. “We’re celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old.”

“But that’s not true,” says the lawyer. “I only lived to be forty.”

“That’s impossible,” says Saint Peter. “We’ve added up your time sheets.”

A famed English explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his adventures in the African  jungle. 

“Can you imagine,” he demanded, “people so primitive that they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices from the belly of certain animals? 

And grind up grass seed, make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of certain other animals?”

When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the explorer added softly, “What I’ve been describing, of course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered toast.”

Roy Rogers and Trigger wended their way home after a most satisfying day at work tending the boundary fences on Roy’s large spread.

About a mile from the homestead Roy noticed a cloud of dust rising from the trail that led from home to the main gate.

As he approached, he saw that it was a large squad of cavalry soldiers led by Major Ted.

As he came up to the column of troops Major Ted called, “Whoa!” and addressed the famous cowboy.

“Good evening, Mr Rogers,” he said.

“Good evening, Major,” replied Roy Rogers.

“Are you’ heading home, Sir?” asked the Major.

“I am indeed, yessir, I’m looking forward to a real meal.”

“Just before you go, Mr Rogers, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you.”

“Like what, Major?”

“Well, sir, the Indians have been on the rampage over at your homestead.”

“My God! I’d better get over there right away!”

“Just a minute Roy, there’s more. There’s not much left of your house I’m afraid”

“That’s terrible, I’ve got to get home to my family”

“Hold on Roy, there’s more. I’m afraid they scalped your five children and appear to have raped the girls beforehand.”

“Those savages!! I’ve got to get home to my wife, she must be beside herself with grief!”

“Sorry Roy, but there’s more. They also raped your wife and mother before killing them. All the cattle are gone and they put an arrow through your dog Bullet. Most of the house is burned to the ground and they put poison in your water supply.”

“Oh my God! This is the worst day of my life! But still, I’d better get over there and see if there’s anything at all I can do”

“Hold on, Roy – there’s just one more thing . . .”

“Yes Major?”

“Before you go. How’s about a little song for the boys?”

When I worked for the security department of a large retail store, my duties included responding to fire and burglar alarms. 

A side door of the building was wired with a security alarm, because it was not supposed to be used by customers.

Nevertheless they found the convenience of the exit tempting. Even a sign with large red letters, warning “Alarm will sound if opened,” failed to deter people from using it.

One day, after attending to a number of shrieking alarms, I placed a small handmade sign on the door that totally eliminated the problem: “Wet paint.”

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Bath THEOREM When the body is immersed in water , the telephone rings.

LAW of the RESULT When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Aliens:  Take us to your leader. 

Humans:  No… You’ll laugh at us.

Give a Democrat a fish and he’ll eat for a day.  Teach a Democrat to fish and he’ll steal your rod, take your wallet, sexually assault the fish, and then blame President Trump.

It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong.

Did you hear about the blonde that…

….Lost her boyfriend because she forgot where she laid him.

….Thought that asphalt was rectum trouble.

….Was called tapioca because she could be made in a minute.

….Thought her typewriter was pregnant because it missed a period.

….Thought that “no kidding” meant some form of birth control.

….Thought that peter pan was something for under the bed.

….Thought that “Moby Dick” was a venereal disease.

….Thought that a sanitary belt was a drink from clean shot glass.

….Smelled good only on the right side because she couldn’t find the left guard.

….Wore union pants because her best friend was having labor pains.

….Studied 5 days for a urine test.

….Thought KOTEX was a radio station in Texas.

….Thought fetus was a character from “Gunsmoke”.

….Thought a mushroom was a place to kiss.

….Was in the Indy 500 and had 7 pit stops, 1 for gas and 6 for directions.

….Put 75 holes in her face?…she was learning to eat with a fork.

Character is like a tree, and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.

-Abraham Lincoln (1809 – 1865)

Dear Mom and Dad,

Our scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and were worried. We are OK.  Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad’s mother and tell her he is OK.  He can’t write because of the cast.

I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it wasn’t for the lightning. Scoutmaster Walt got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn’t hear him.

Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood didn’t burn, but one of the tents did.  Also some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Walt gets the car fixed. It wasn’t his fault about the wreck.  The brakes worked OK when we left.

Scoutmaster Walt said that a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that’s probably why he can’t get insurance.  We think it’s a neat car. He doesn’t care if we get it dirty, and if it’s hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It get pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Walt is a neat guy. Don’t worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn’t any traffic. All we ever see up here is logging trucks.

This morning, all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake.  Scoutmaster Walt wouldn’t let me because I can’t swim, and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake.  It was great.  You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Walt isn’t crabby like some scoutmasters.  He didn’t even get mad about the lifejackets. He has to spend a lot of the time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what?  We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Wade and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Walt said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken.  He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I’m so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedophile?

I have to go now.  We are going to town to mail our letters and buy bullets. Don’t worry about anything.  We are fine.

Love, Jordie

PS: How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?

And with that pleasant thought, I have to end here.  Be blessed until we meet again.