It’s Friday!  Well, it’s Saturday for you, but for me, right now, it’s Friday!  And because it’s a holiday on Monday, today is a “Family Day” and it’s a Liberal Leave day, which means that we can take leave and not worry too much about staffing in our offices.  Which is a good thing because my deputy…the only other guy in my office right now because we’re STILL trying to get the third position hired (don’t let me get on THAT soap box!!!) is away on the “dark side” right now.  So, it’s just me in the office.  So I took the day off!

Yay!

And Izzy Dragon immediately filled my day up!

After I had it all neatly planned out.  Spend the day with you guys and writing and relaxing…sigh.

But now I’m still going to do some of that.  But it seems I’m also going to go to the hospital to get blood work done for both of us, which means I’m now fasting.  I’m also taking her out to breakfast/lunch immediately afterward because … you know … fasting.  And possibly lunch because that young dragon will never get up early.  And I’m taking her shopping.  And I’m taking her to her counseling appointment.  And then I can get back to what I had planned.  About 6 this evening.  It’s such a good thing I love that kid.

Anyway, let’s jump in and start with some laughter and we’ll get to other stuff as we go along.

Just please don’t tell me it’s outside of a school or a library or something like that.

Maybe some letter separation or a different font?

I think maybe they’re asking for a lot here…

So, Stephen B. sent me this email, and I followed the link and it says pretty much what he has in the email.  The only thing that I wish to add is that it just goes to prove that the our country is going crazy.  It plays right into the essay (article? pamphlet? book? sermon? movie?) that I am writing (more about that later).  We are becoming such a stupid country.

Apparently this happened in 2019….

https://www.iwf.org/2019/10/03/urinals-banned-as-sexist/

Has the time come to stand up for the urinal?

Portland, Oregon is spending $195,000 to replace urinals with something more gender-neutral in remodeling the Portland Building. This is just for the replacements, and doesn’t include the cost of the work.

A local TV station reports:

In an email to employees last February, Chief Administrative Officer Tom Rinehart wrote:

“We will continue to have gender-specific (male and female) multi-stall restrooms that are readily available to any employee that prefers to use one. But, there will be no urinals in any restroom in the building. This will give us the flexibility we need for any future changes in signage.”

The city has redesigned all the bathrooms to be gender neutral– which means urinals are banned even in the men’s room.

If you think that Portland is going to a lot of expense and trouble to rid the building of urinals, the report helpfully points out that urinals are “a big deal when it comes to those who are transgender or gender fluid.”

Talk show host Lars Larson is standing up for the urinal:

“I think it’s ridiculous. First of all I know that it already makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Secondly, it’s gonna take up a lot more space and third- anyone whose ever been to any public event – have you seen the line at the ladies room? Do you see any line at the men’s room?”

Lars also claims that urinals use less water than toilets.

But the city administration stands behind the new arrangement:

The Chief Administrative Officer Tom Rinehart wrote to employees:

“I am convinced that this is the right way to ensure success as your employer, remove arbitrary barriers in our community, and provide leadership that is reflective of our shared values.”

The TV station reports that the Portland Building’s 1st, 3rd and 15th floors will have “large multi-stall bathrooms that men and women will use together.”

Some floors will have separate men’s and women’s bathrooms, while every floor will have at least one “any gender” bathroom.

I can see this being quite confusing if you’re in a hurry and forget which is which.

If I lived in the separate country of Portland and they were spending MY tax dollars on something as asinine as this, I’d be a little upset.  Thanks Steve for sending this our way.

True Love

Boyfriend: “Honey, on this Valentine’s Day, I want to tell you something… I’m not rich like Robert. I don’t have a mansion like Gary. I don’t have a Porsche like Martin. But I do love you and I want to marry you.”

Girlfriend: “Oh dear, I love you too… what was that you said about Martin?”

This was sent to me a couple different times under the heading of “Riddle”.  It annoyed me to NO END.

There are 30 cows in the field, 28 chickens. How many didn’t?

How many didn’t what?  It’s stupid, right?

I’m sure a bunch of you got sent this as well, right?  By a show of hands, how many of you got sent this supposed riddle?

Okay, now.  How many of you were able to figure out this stupid thing?

Oh…

That many, huh…

Wait!  How many were able to figure it out, WITHOUT going on line and searching or having someone else tell you the answer or something like that?!  Be honest!

Yeah.  That’s more like it.

I had to google it.  Then got mad when I found out the answer.

Stupid riddle.

WE ARE DOOMED.

Another one sent to me that is just cool

What the heck?

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. 

Billy Crystal (1948-)

I couldn’t possibly find enough stupidity memes to satisfy my utter contempt and disbelief for that last … whatever it was.  Coffee is racist.  Oh     my     heavens!  I have to let this go…

Father says to his son 

You are mature enough now. I allow you to start smoking if you want to.

Thanks dad, but I quit two years ago.

I think I dated this guy’s sister once.  Oh, come on!  She was cute!

NASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two pigs and Mandy, a stunning blond. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off. Contact is made: “Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over.” 

“Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear” 

“Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?” 

“Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon landing. Over.” 

“That’s right. Over and out.” 

They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage. “Hello, Pig 2? Come in please.” 

“Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear.” 

“OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?” 

“Yes, when we’ve landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the green button to initiate the launch program.” 

“That’s right, Pig 2. Over and out.” 

An hour later when the rocket has achieved the correct speed the last stage drops off as planned. Ground control contacts the astronauts again. “Houston here, Mandy, come in. Mandy do you read us?” 

“Mandy here, reading you loud and clear.” 

“Mandy, do you remember your instructions?” 

“Yes,” Mandy says, “I feed the two pigs and keep my hands off the buttons.” 

Wow!  Classic power struggle!  Somebody PLEASE, just pay the check!

I never noticed before how the reflection is so different.

Um…I have questions?

Anyway, you guys remember this picture?

I had made the comment that I thought it was cool and wondered where and what it was at.  CJ wrote back and told me it was a mora plant.  When it translates to English…are you ready for this…it’s a blackberry or mulberry fruit!  Yeah, not in MY backyard!  LOL! That’s not at all really what it is, though.  Just what the word translates to.  From Wikipedia:

Mora is a genus of large trees in the subfamily Caesalpinioideae^[2] of the legume family Fabaceae, (or in some classifications the family Caesalpinaceae of the order Fabales).

There are six species, all native to lowland rainforests in northern South America, southern Central America, the southern Caribbean islands, and Hispaniola.^[1] These are large, heavily buttressed rainforest trees up to 130 feet (40 meters) in height (to 190 feet (58 meters) in the case of M. excelsa ).^[3] The genus is particularly noteworthy for the exceptional size of its beans, which are commonly acknowledged to be the largest known dicot seeds, in the instance of M. oleifera being up to seven inches (18 cm) in length, six inches (15 cm) in breadth and three inches (7.6 cm)in thickness,^[4][5] and a weight of up to 2.2 pounds (1,000 grams).^[6] These very large beans develop out of tiny flowers with a pistel only one millimeter wide ^[7] involving a growth of over 2,000,000 fold. The beans of Mora spp. are edible if boiled, and are also the source of a red dyestuff.^[8] The species M. excelsa is one of the few rainforest trees to grow in pure stands.^[9]

Some of the species are important for timber production. Mora excelsa and Mora gonggrijpii are also known as nato, and are commonly used in guitar body and neck construction.

When a church changes their values to match current culture, they’re no longer following the Bible, they’re following the lost.

Why should we want to laugh at the natives and why shouldn’t we laugh at the natives?

That’s pretty specific.  Is there a reason or is it purely sarcasm?

“You heard me!  Just no!”

A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.

He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside: The Pastor said to him, “You need to join the Army of the Lord!” 

My friend replied, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.” 

Pastor questioned, “How come I don’t see you except at Christmas and Easter?” 

He whispered back, “I’m in the secret service.” 

Well, it’s not surprising when you realize it’s CNN.

Got a really nice comment from Evan to share with you guys…

That’s a pretty good point, actually.

SUNDAY SCHOOL STUDENT BLOOPERS 

FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT 


In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. 

Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree. 

Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. 

Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears. 

Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. 

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. 

Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah. 

Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles. 

Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. 

Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. 

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. 

The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. 

The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 

Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. 

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him 

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times. 

Solomon, one of David’s sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 


FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT 

When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus- in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption. 

St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head. 

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before- they do one to you. He also explained, “Man doth not live by sweat alone.” 

It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. 

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. 

A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony. 

The epistles were the wives of the apostles. 

One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan. 

When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. 

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. 

I laughed SO hard!

Top 10 Signs You Were Ripped Off Buying That New Computer 


10. You have to pedal it. 

9. When you insert a disk, it disappears and a loud “burp” follows. 

8. Lower corner of the screen has the words “Etch a Sketch” on it. 

7. The manual contains one sentence: “Good Luck!” 

6. The only chip inside is a Dorrito. 

5. Whenever you turn it on, all the neighborhood dogs begin howling.

4. The monitor is made up of a blackboard and chalk. 

3. Instead of a keyboard, it came with a Ouija board. 

2. There’s a “AA Batteries Not Included” sticker on the front.

And the #1 sign that you were ripped off buying that new computer…

1. The computer mouse came in a cage and has fur. 

What a day!  When I last left you, it was like 1130 in the morning, it is now going on 10 at night!  I did end up taking Izzy dragon to all the places I told you I was going to take her and in the midst of all that, it started to snow

and snow

and snow.

Not real heavy or anything, but just continuous.  And the roads froze over.  And people have no idea how to drive on slick roads.  We finally got done with everything around 5:15 and what would normally have been about a 30 minute drive home took almost 3 times that.  There were about a dozen slide offs that we saw and one really gnarly wreck with an inverted car that really slowed down and backed up traffic for miles and miles on the highway.  And sure enough we didn’t see the backup until after we had passed the last exit before the backup.  Izzy pointed out one really weird fact, with the exception of one vehicle, all the other vehicles involved in all the slide offs and wrecks were all white.  It was so weird.  But the highway was an ice rink.  All I kept doing all the way home was praying and talking to God.  But, He got us home safe and sound.

Then we had to take the dogs out and they were just plain stupid, that took another half hour just to get them out, fed, clean up the snow that they tracked in, all that nonsense.

Then I get ready to sit down to finish Dragon Laffs with you guys and what happens?  The Holy Spirit says, “Hey, I been thinking about that article and I think we oughta…” 

And Impish replies, “Sure, sure.  Let me just finish what I’m working on over here.”

The Spirit says, “Yeah, yeah, no problem.  But hear me out for a sec.  If you change the paragraph that says…”

And then he wouldn’t quit.

Two hours plus later and I’m finally getting back to you guys.  So, let’s be…

That one cracks me up, especially with what we know about Boeing’s hiring practices.

I keep reading this stupid stuff and I keep thinking, “this has to be satire, right?  … right?”

Okay, that’s it for this issue, because that’s almost all I have under the Political folder.  I’m sending out an urgent request campers… I need political memes and jokes and cartoons and funnies!  HELP!

This is an old joke, but still quite good and perhaps, very timely as well.

At a small terminal in the Texas Panhandle, three strangers are awaiting their shuttle flight. 

One is a Native American passing through from Oklahoma. Another, a local ranch hand on his way to Ft. Worth for a stock show. The third passenger is an Arab student, newly arrived from the Middle East.

To pass the time, they strike up a conversation on recent events, and the discussion drifts to their diverse cultures. Soon the Westerners learn that the Arab is a devout Muslim. The conversation falls into an uneasy lull.

The cowpoke leans back in his chair, crosses his boots on a magazine table, tips his big sweat-stained hat forward over his face while the wind outside blows tumbleweeds and the old windsock flaps.

Finally, the Native American clears his throat and softly, he speaks: “Once my people were many, now we are few.”

The Muslim raises an eyebrow and leans forward, “Once my people were few,” he sneers, “and now we are many. Why do you suppose that is?”

The Texan shifts the toothpick to one side of his mouth and from the darkness beneath his Stetson says, “That’s ’cause we ain’t played Cowboys and Muslims yet.”

I wish, at this time, to make a Dragon Laffs Public Apology.  It has come to my attention that a term that I have been using, to whit, “TOWEL HEADS” is not only politically incorrect but also insensitive.  And since we all need to be more sensitive in the use of our words and I have been informed that the scum sucking Islamic terrorists, who hate our guts and want to kill us all, do not like to be called “TOWEL HEADS” and since the item they wear on their heads is not actually a towel, but in fact, more closely reminiscent of a small folded sheet.  Therefore, from this point forward, I am, and I am highly encouraging you to also, referring to them as “LITTLE SHEET HEADS”.  Thank you so very much for your support and acceptance of my apology in this hugely humbling matter.

Taco Bell will do that to  you.

Doctor: “Take the green pill with a glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another glass of water.”

Man: “Exactly what’s my problem, doc?”

Doctor: “You’re not drinking enough water.”

Kansas Law

It is illegal for restaurants to sell cherry pie a la mode on Sundays.

President George W. and Colin Powell are drinking in a pub close Old Town Square in Prague.

A guy walks in and asks the bartender, “Isn’t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?”

The barman says, “Yep, that’s them.”

So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?”

Bush says, “We’re planning WW III.”

The guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?”

Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 40 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits.”

A little perplexed the guy exclaimed, “A blonde with big tits? Why kill a blonde with big tits?”

Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, “See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 40 million Iraqis.”

Holy cow!  Someone put his back half on upside down!

The roof of the chapel was leaking and the priest asked for volunteers to raise funds for its repair. Mike offered his services.

About a week later, the priest met Mike who was straggling from side to side as a result of having imbibed too freely.

Mike was apologetic. “I’m collecting for the roof, Father,” he said. “Every one of the neighbors I called on insisted on giving me a wee drop after paying his subscription.”

The priest was shocked. “Are there no teetotalers in the parish, Mike?”

“Oh, yes, to be sure,” said Mike. ” I’ve written to them.”

Boy, “roughing it” sure doesn’t mean what it used to.

A 97 year old man goes into his doctor’s office and says, “Doc, I want my sex drive lowered.” 

“Sir”, replied the doctor, “You’re 97. Don’t you think your sex drive is all in your head?” 

“You’re damned right it is!” replied the old man. “That’s why I want it lowered!” 

After a very long day of listening to a visiting businessman from Texas brag about his state a New Yorker decided to show the guy the Empire State Building.

When the Texan then put down New York’s well-known landmark by saying “Heck, that’s nothing. In Texas, we have outhouses bigger than that!”

The New Yorker responded with, “Well you no doubt need them!”

More proof that some people have more money then sense.

A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector.

Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up.

“You’ve been on for five miles–that’ll be 50p, please, and 10p for your suitcase.”

The Scotsman responds, “I ha’not, I want a ha’penny fare, just got on this vera moment.”

They begin to argue, and the ticket collector becomes more and more enraged, and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman’s suitcase and hurls it out of the bus.

It lands in the river and sinks without a trace.

The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, “Not only are ye tryin’ to overcharge me for the ticket–but now ye’ve gone an’ drowned me boy Angus!”

Sigh!  I repeat my earlier statement.

Anyway dear friends, that’s it for this one.  Didn’t get to everything I wanted to get to, but with a little luck and a fair wind, we’ll see to it this weekend.  May God Bless you all with Love and Happiness until we can meet again.