Okay, so here’s the deal.  It’s Tuesday and my week is already spiraling out of control.  It’s late already today and I have to work, of course, I have jail ministry tomorrow night and Bible Study on Thursday night and I can’t see how this is going to get done by tomorrow night for you guys to get it by Thursday morning.  So, what I am going to do is get as much fluff out tonight in the next hour or so so you have something for Thursday morning and then have a regular issue on Saturday.  

Someone mentioned that they are looking forward to reading my essay…well, see, that’s part of the problem.  The Holy Spirit won’t leave me alone.  I’m now on like the 4th draft.  I never do four drafts.  By this time I’m polishing and posting somewhere or getting ready to send it to a publisher or something.  But, I sent the first draft to my Pastor and he suggested a scripture.  A …. scripture…. which pushed me to the next draft and then we had a phone call the next night and he suggested a book.  I told him there wasn’t a book there.  And the Spirit said, “hold my coffee and watch this!”  And that’s where the third and fourth draft has come from.  And today, I thought I was done.  

Sitting here writing to you guys ABOUT the piece is making me THINK about the piece and I’m coming up with other points I want to MAKE IN the piece and I know there is at least a fifth draft… so now I’m at least up to …what?  A pamphlet?  A booklet?  Instruction guide, handbook.  I DON’T KNOW. 

But it has been occupying a lot of my time.  And I’m really sorry.  I don’t mean to take time away from you guys, but I can’t help it.  But for now, 

Stephen B. sent this one in.  I agree with him.  I didn’t watch much of the Super bowl either.

I did not think much of the super bowl commercials but the one with Christopher Walken was great, especially his facial expression when he was walking his dog.

A jeweler called the police station to report a robbery. 

“You’ll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. 

He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away.” 

The desk sergeant said, “Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?”

“What’s the difference?” asked the jeweler. “Well,” said the sergeant, “an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears.” 

“Come to think of it, I couldn’t see his ears,” said the jeweler. “He had a stocking over his head.” 

There are several kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be differentiated by the following method: 

General Practitioners know nothing and do little. 

Surgeons know little and do everything. 

Internists knows everything and do nothing. 

Pathologists know everything and can do everything, but it’s usually too late.

Looks right to me.

This is an old one…but funny!

Lil’ Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. 

He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses’ legs, rump and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, “Pop, why are you doing that?” 

“Because I’m buying horses. I have to make sure they are healthy, and in good shape before I buy.” 

Johnny looked worried, “Then I think we’d better hurry home right away.” 

“Why?”, asked his father. 

“Because the UPS man stopped by yesterday, and I think he definitely wants to buy Mom.”

This one was sent in by Joe and it’s absolutely amazing.  Please share it with as many people as you can…

A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, ‘What does love mean?’ The answers they got were broader, deeper, and more profound than anyone could have ever imagined!

‘When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn’t bend over and paint her toenails anymore… So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That’s love.’ Rebecca – age 8
‘When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.’ Billy – age 4
‘Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.’ Karl – age 5

‘Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.’ Chrissy – age 6
‘Love is what makes you smile when you’re tired.’ Terri – age 4
‘Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.’ Danny – age 8

‘Love is what’s in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and just listen.’ Bobby – age 7 (Wow!)
‘If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate.’ Nikka – age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka’s on this planet)
‘Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it every day.’ Noelle – age 7

‘Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.’ Tommy – age 6
‘During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn’t scared anymore.’ Cindy – age 8
‘My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don’t see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.’ Clare – age 6

‘Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.’ Elaine – age 5
‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.’ Chris – age 7
‘Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.’ Mary Ann – age 4

‘I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.’ Lauren – age 4
‘When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.’ Karen – age 7
‘Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn’t think it’s gross…’ Mark – age 6
‘You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.’ Jessica – age 8

And the final one: The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman’s yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, ‘Nothing, I just helped him cry.’  I needed one of those.  It would have been a lot easier.

Yes indeed!

Seven Stages of the Married Cold 

Stage 1: Sugar Dumpling, I’ve really been worried about my baby girl. That’s a bad sniffle, and there’s no telling about these things with all the strep that’s going around. I’m going to put you in the hospital for a general check-up and a good rest. I know the food’s terrible, but I’m going to bring you dinner every night from Rosini’s. I have it all arranged with the floor supervisor. 

Stage 2: Listen, Darling, I don’t like the sound of that cough. I’m going to call Doc Miller to rush over here. Now you go to bed like a good girl just for Papa. 

Stage 3: Maybe you’d better lie down, Honey. Nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I’ll bring you something. Do we have any canned soup? 

Stage 4: Now look, Dear, be sensible. After you’ve fed the kids, and gotten the dishes done, and the floor mopped, you’d better lie down for a while. 

Stage 5: Why don’t you take a couple of aspirins? 

Stage 6: Why don’t you just gargle or something instead of sitting around barking like a seal all evening? 

Stage 7: Would you stop coughing on me? Are you trying to give me pneumonia? 

A guy comes home completely drunk one night.  He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.  “Where the hell have you been all night?” she demands. 

“At this fantastic new bar,” he says.  “The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden.  It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works hell, even the urinal’s gold!” 

The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon.  She calls up the place to check her husband’s story. 

“Is this the Golden Saloon?” she asks when the bartender answers the phone. 

“Yes it is,” bartender answers. 

“Do you have huge golden doors?” 

“Sure do.” “Do you have golden floors?” 

“Most certainly do.” 

“What about golden urinals?” 

There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, “Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that peed in your saxophone last night!” 

Top 5 reasons why computers must be female

1. No one but their creator understands their logic.
2. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
4. The message, “Bad command or filename,” is about as informative as “If you don’t know why I’m mad at you, then I’m certainly not going to tell you.”
5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Top 5 reasons why computers must be male

1. They’re heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
2. They periodically cut you off right when you think you’ve established a network connection.
3. They’ll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won’t do more than they have to and they won’t think of it on their own.
4. They’re typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they’ve already invested so much in the damn machine that they’re compelled to remain with an underpowered system.
5. They get hot when you turn them on, and that’s the only time you have their attention.

A couple decided to go to Alaska for a romantic weekend. 

When they got to the cabin it was cold so the wife asked her husband to go chop some wood for that fire place. 

He came in after 5 minutes and told his wife that his hands were cold, so she said her put your hands between my thighs to warm them. 

So he did and went back outside to finish chopping wood. 

He came in after another 5 minutes and said “honey my hands are cold again.” 

So she tells him here put your hands between my thighs to warm them. 

So he did and then he went back out to chop some more wood. 

5 minutes has passed and he went in again and said, “Honey  my hands are cold again.” 

She then said, “Damn don’t your ears ever get cold?” 

And that’s it.  I gotta end this here.  I’m out of time and strength.  Until Saturday.  Be blessed, be happy,