I just realized that I have no time this week.  LOL!  I know, why is this week any different than any other week?  Well, today is Thursday and I’m trying to get Saturday’s issue put together.  Here in just a little while I will be leaving for my Thursday night ministry.

Side Note:  That sounds wrong.  Thursday night ministry.  And it’s not really a Bible Study since we’re actually teaching a lesson out of a workbook.  We are studying Hebrews 11, known as the Hall of Heroes and, not surprising at all, the Lesson we are going through is called Biblical Heroes or Heroes of the Bible or something to that effect.  Let’s call it “Heroes of the Bible”.  I feel like it’s a ministry in that I’m drawn to it and feel led to do it.  I feel that the Spirit teaches…just like the Jail Ministry.  Anyway, I’m rambling.  It just doesn’t sound right.

So, as I was saying, leaving for Thursday night shortly, then tomorrow night, when I would normally be off and have time to work on Saturday’s issue, Miss Izzy Dragon has an appointment, so that will take up approximately 3 hours or so of tomorrow night.  So, I have to work quickly.

Then, this weekend is the UTA, so I will be working all weekend, with EXTRA stuff this weekend, so there may not (probably not) be an issue on Monday.  And both (BOTH!!!! Oh the dread involved in THAT word!!) of my puppy dogs have a vet appointment on Monday, so I could very well be in hospital by Monday evening.  So, pray for me on Monday.  I told the Vet when they confirmed the appointment the other day.  We’ll bring Pepper in first and you’ll love us because she’s so sweet and so nice.  Then I will bring in Willow…the beast…and you’ll tell us to never come back again.  Oh, did I mention that our old vet suddenly closed down with no warning and we had to start with a new vet and this is their first visit to said new vet?  And… AND…I’m going to sedate Willow.

Heavily.

And I’ll bet dollars to doughnuts that she STILL terrorizes the place.  And it’s only for one of two reasons.  She either loves you and wants to play and her idea of play is all out war or she is frightened of you and wants to protect Izzy and I and her idea of protection is… you guessed it, all out war.  Either way, I don’t think that sedation is really going to make that much difference.  Should be interesting though.  This is a 40 pound German Shepherd / Border Collie mix that can drag 180 pound me across the yard or back driveway while she is on the leash if she wants to protect me from the dreaded squirrel or bunny in the backyard.  Like I said, ALL OUT WAR.  At the same time, she will sit quietly and wait and drool, but not take a treat out of my hand, even though her sister Pepper is chomping away at hers, even though I am holding it directly in front of her mouth, and I tell her “easy”, she still won’t take it until I say, “okay” and then she ever so gently takes it out of my fingers.  And if she starts to become too aggressive I can gently say, “no” and she stops with her mouth open around it and backs right off.  It’s the most amazing thing, ever.  This female warrior when it comes to other people and creatures and gentle girl around Izzy and I.  Well, more so me than Izzy.  Pepper is Izzy’s girl.  Willow listens to me.

Anyway, let’s get started on the fun stuff, shall we?

Robin Hood and his merry men were in Sherwood Forest one night celebrating, and imbibing. They all became inebriated, and then Friar Tuck began to sing.

He became louder with each drink. Robin Hood, fearing that the Sheriff of Nottingham might hear the band, dragged the Friar deep into the woods. He then tucked him into the river, but the song lingered on.

The moral of the story? You can lead a drunk to water but you can’t make him hoarse.

A woman came into a chemist with a shopping list.

As she asked for items such as hair spray and toothpaste, the pharmacist inquired what size of each she wanted.

Everything was going well until she requested a bottle of Enos.(Antiacid in England)

The pharmacist was surprised when, in response to his usual question, “What size?”

she said, “What size would you suggest? I’m only having four for dinner.”

Ten Rules of Housekeeping

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.
2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch “The Galapagos Islands” and claim an ecological exemption.
3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.
4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, “What? And spoil the mood?”
5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.
6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing handsewn play animals for underprivileged children.
7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, “I’d love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive.”
8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that “THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes…”
9. Don’t bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, “Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident… I haven’t had the heart to clean it…”
10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly.  Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, “I clean and I clean and I still don’t get anywhere…”

“Yum!  I love seafood!”

Got a really good comment from Evan..

I agree with you on the morally handicapped.  Much more difficult to tell at a glance, and hardly ever self-identified.  I agree with you on the F-35, and at some point in time would love to hear the story of the design of that.  But, I will tell you that to hear of the F-35 being slotted to replace the A-10 is ludicrous.  Just one dragon’s opinion…who has a LOT of experience loading weapons on aircraft.  

Relatives gathered in the waiting room of a hospital as their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. “I’m afraid I’m the bearer of bad news,” he said as he surveyed the worried faces. “The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It’s an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.” “Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.”

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, “Well, how much does a brain cost? “

The doctor quickly responded, “$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain.”

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, “Why is the male brain so much more?”

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, “It’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they’ve actually been used.”

This letter is from one of our dear regular readers.  Thank you so much my dear friend, you made me laugh so very hard.  Subject line:  Football question

Not a foot ball fan, even less now.

Back in my day if you weren’t very swift it was a negative thing…now people are proud to be Swifties.

My question – Goggle says she dated 10 other football players – and we all know goggle is right – does that make them both wide receivers – definitely not both tight ends.

ROFLMAO!

I’m not saying this is another portrait of any of the people who you’ve met before.  I’m definitely NOT saying that.  But, it could be someone you know quite well…

Ummm…why?

Boy, ain’t that the truth.

This next one from brother Sasquatch is really good.  It’s called 20 Life Lessons From Mister Rogers

20 Life Lessons From Mister Rogers

Before there was Blippi and Blue’s Clues, there was Mister Rogers, aka Fred McFeely Rogers, the host of the eponymous children’s television series Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood. Rogers was the sort of TV host that both kids and parents trusted and enjoyed.

Known for his calm demeanor, friendly attitude, and astute life lessons, Rogers established himself as an icon for the more than three decades that the PBS show aired. He began each episode by changing into one of his trademark cardigan sweaters and slipping on some sneakers while singing the show’s theme song, “Won’t You Be My Neighbor?” And he concluded each episode with the song “Tomorrow.”

The series ran for 31 seasons, from 1968 through 2001.  Rogers dispensed timeless wisdom about how to be kind to others, how to feel good about yourself, and what to do when you’re up against your worst fears.

He used everything from puppets to songs to chats with friendly neighborhood pals to teach kids about the importance of empathy and compassion, encouraging his young viewers to dream big, explore the world, and above all else, be kind. Here, we’ve rounded up 20 of Rogers’ most memorable quotes,  reminders of the good old days of turning on the TV and spending an afternoon in the neighborhood.

ON KINDNESS

1.  All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we’re giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That’s one of the things that connects us as neighbors — in our own way, each one of us is a giver and a receiver.

2.  As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has or ever will have, something inside that is unique to all time.

3.  When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

4.  Imagine what our real neighborhoods would be like if each of us offered, as a matter of course, just one kind word to another person.

ON LOVE

​​5.  Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like “struggle.” To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.

6.  Everyone longs to be loved. And the greatest thing we can do is to let people know that they are loved and capable of loving.

7.  Listening is where love begins: listening to ourselves and then to our neighbors.

8.  I don’t think anyone can grow unless he’s loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be.

9.  Mutual caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other’s achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain.

ON HEALING

10.  Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love. Like all of life’s important coping skills, the ability to forgive and the capacity to let go of resentments most likely take root very early in our lives.

​​11.  There is no normal life that is free of pain. It’s the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth.

12.  When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting and less scary.

ON LIVING LIFE TO ITS FULLEST

13.  It’s not so much what we have in this life that matters. It’s what we do with what we have.

14.  The thing I remember best about successful people I’ve met all through the years is their obvious delight in what they’re doing, and it seems to have very little to do with worldly success. They just love what they’re doing, and they love it in front of others.

15.  It’s good to be curious about many things.

16.  You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are.

ON INDIVIDUALITY

17.  If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of.

18.  We all have different gifts, so we all have different ways of saying to the world who we are.

19.  It’s really easy to fall into the trap of believing that what we do is more important than what we are. Of course, it’s the opposite that’s true: What we are ultimately determines what we do!

20.  The greatest gift you ever give is your honest self

That was such a GREAT episode and a really good show.  And I know, there are some of you youngsters out there who are saying…”A great episode of what?  What show?”  And it just makes me want to cry over what you all missed.

And this one is from Joe from NJ.  And it is also so very, very funny!

Proofreading Needed

Spelling and grammar errors found on review of hospital charts

1. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.  I was married to one who had that.
2. The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.  Well, some doctors are emotional.
3. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.  Tallest man or shortest man?
4. The skin was moist and dry.  Must of been related to the guy in #3
5. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.   Well, that is where a lot of guys keep their brains.
6. The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.  That is one of the ones that made me laugh out loud.
7. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.  And this one.  Although, I would of thought that a crappy guy would have given her diarrhea.    
8. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.  Well, if you don’t get her permission first, that’s a felony.
9. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.  Yeah, that would do it.
10. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.  I have had all kinds of physical therapy and none of it was EVER done under a car.
11. The patient was prepped and raped in the usual manner.  more felonies.
12. Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.  Patient was alert and unresponsive.
13. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
14. The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.  That’s going to be one smart turtle one day.
15. Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.  Well, if you’ve ever been to LA that wouldn’t surprise you at all.
16. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.  I have SO MANY questions
17. She is numb from her toes down.  Down to what?
18. Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.  Isn’t there a starfish or something who’s genitalia is on their feet?  
19. While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
20. The patient was to have a bowel resection.  However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.  Would have been better off with the bowel resection.
21. The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.  Don’t we all.
22. Coming from Detroit, this man has no children  That’s really not as uncommon as you would think.

Always, Always, ALWAYS question the situation when the sounds of the forest stop for no apparent reason.  Because whether it’s apparent or not, there is ALWAYS a reason.  Think about it.  If the forest didn’t go quiet when YOU showed up, whatever it was that made it go quiet is bigger and badder than you are.

A woman  called up the fire department and said, “Look, I’ve just had a new rock garden built and I’ve just planted some new roses, and..” 

The fireman said, “Where’s the fire?” 

She said, “I’ve just spent a lot of money having my lawn mowed and my hedges clipped.  Some of my new plants are very expensive…” 

He said, “Look, lady, you don’t want the fire department, you want a flower shop.” 

She said, “No, I don’t.  The house next door is on fire, and I don’t want you clumsy fireman stamping all over my garden when you come over.” 

At Hebrew School, the Rabbi finished the day’s lesson. It was now time for the usual question period. 

“Rabbi?” asked little Melvin “there’s something I need to know.” 

“What’s that my child?” asked the Rabbi. 

“Well, according to the Scriptures, the Children of Israel crossed the Red Sea, right?” 

“Right.” 

“And the Children of Israel beat up the Philistines, right?”

“Uh … right.” 

“And the Children of Israel built the Temple, right?” 

“Again you are correct.” 

“And the Children of Israel fought the Egyptians, and the Children of Israel fought the Romans, and the Children of Israel were always doing something important, right?” 

“All that is correct,” agreed the Rabbi. “So what’s your question?” 

“What I need to know is this,” demanded Melvin. “What were all the grown-ups doing?” 

TEN TOP THINGS NOT TO SAY ON YOUR ANNIVERSARY 

10. I stopped caring about anniversaries when you stopped caring about cooking. 

9. Today is our what? 

8. Okay, let’s celebrate, but do we have to celebrate together?

7. I thought we only celebrated important events? 

6. You can celebrate anniversaries with your next husband. 

5. You don’t like what I pick out, so I thought why bother. 

4. I got you a present worth a dollar for every time you were nice to me this year. Here’s a $5 gift certificate for McDonald’s. 

3. If you want me to pretend like I care about our anniversary, I will.

2. You want to go out to dinner? Okay, okay, I’ll take you to Pizza Hut if it’ll shut ya up. 

1. I thought you only had to celebrate anniversaries while you were still in love. 

The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. 

However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man.

The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He turned very quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the ground with a bump that left it breathless. 

“Aidan,” said the neighbor, “I never knew you were so strong.” 

“Faith, and if I could have got that fella off the handlebars of the bicycle I’d have thrashed him properly.”

Truer words have NEVER been spoken!! And it gives me a chance to build a  collage of some of my favorites to share.

This final little essay is sent to us by Sasquatch.   He had the attribution wrong, so I took that off, but the sentiment is dead on.  So, if you want to attribute it to someone, you can tell them that you saw it here on Dragon Laffs!

Everybody, whether republican, democrat, independent, whatever, need to see this. 

Just a little reminder of the stakes next November…

Here are some interesting points to think about prior to the November election, especially to my friends on the fence, like moderate Democrats, Libertarians and Independents and the never Trump Republicans and those thinking of “walking away” from the Democratic party.

Women are upset at Trump’s naughty words —  they also bought 80 million copies of 50 Shades of Gray.

Not one feminist has defended Sarah Sanders. It seems women’s rights only matter if those women are liberal.

No Border Walls. No voter ID laws. Did you figure it out yet? But wait… there’s more …

Chelsea Clinton got out of college and got a job at NBC that paid  $900,000  per year. Her mom flies around the country speaking out about white privilege.

And just like that, they went from being against foreign interference in our elections to allowing non-citizens to vote in our elections.

President Trump’s wall costs less than the Obamacare website. Let that sink in, America.

We are one election away  from open borders, socialism, gun confiscation, and full-term abortion nationally. We are fighting evil.

They sent more troops and armament to arrest Roger Stone than they sent to defend Benghazi. Did you hear that Hillary??

60 years ago, Venezuela was 4th on the world economic freedom index. Today, they are 179th and their citizens are dying of starvation. In only 10 years, Venezuela was destroyed by democratic socialism.

Russia  donated $0.00 to the Trump campaign.  Russia donated $145,600,000 to the Clinton Foundation. But Trump was the one investigated!

Nancy  Pelosi invited illegal aliens to the State of the Union. President Trump Invited victims of illegal aliens  to the State of the Union. Let that sink in.

A socialist is basically a communist who doesn’t have the power to take everything from their citizens at gunpoint … Yet!

How do you walk 3000 miles across Mexico without food or support and show up at our border 100 pounds overweight and with a fully charged cell phone?

Alexandria Ocasio Cortez wants to ban cars, ban planes, give out universal income and thinks socialism works. She calls Donald Trump crazy.

Bill Clinton paid $850,000 to Paula Jones to get her to go away. I don’t remember the FBI raiding his lawyer’s office.

I wake up every day and I am grateful that Hillary Clinton is not the president of the United States of America.

The same media that told me Hillary Clinton had a 95% chance of winning now tells me Trump’s approval ratings are low.

The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money….. Margaret Thatcher

Maxine Waters opposes voter ID laws; She thinks that they are racist. You need to have a photo ID to attend her town hall meetings  .

President Trump said, “They’re not after me. They’re after you. I’m just in their way.”

Now, go Back & Read this Again like your Future Depends upon it, Because it Does .

As Joe says, this one is an

The bride tells her husband, “Honey, you know I’m a virgin and I don’t know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?”

“OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place ‘the prison’ and call my private thing ‘the prisoner’. So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, “Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.”

Turning on his side, he smiles. “Then we will have to re-imprison him.”

After the second time they spent, they guy reaches for his cigarettes But the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, “Honey, the prisoner is out again!”

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal. Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, “Honey, the prisoner escaped again.”

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, “Hey, it’s not a life sentence!”

A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, “Can people predict the future with cards?”

His response was, “My mother can.”

The teacher replied, “Really?”

The young boy was quick to explain, “Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.”

Four retired Army veterans are walking down the street window shopping. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says “Veterans Bar” over the doorway of an entry into an establishment that doesn’t look all that well kept up. They look at each other then go in. On the inside, they realize in this case, they could judge the ” book by it’s cover ” .

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, “Come on in and let me pour one for you! What’ll it be, gentlemen?” There seems to be a fully stocked bar so the men all ask for a martini. In short time the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis – shaken not stirred and says, “That’ll be 40 cents, please.” The four men stare at the bartender for a moment then look at each other – they can’t believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis and ordered another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with ! the bartender again saying, “That’s 40 more cents, please.”

They pay the 40 cents but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They’ve each had two martinis and so far they’ve spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men says, “How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?”

The bartender replies, “No doubt you’ve noticed the decor in here. And the outside ain’t nothin’ to write home about. I don’t waste money on that stuff. But, here’s my story. I’m a retired Master Sergeant and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $45 million and decided to open this place for real veterans. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same.”

“Wow. That’s quite a story.” says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn’t help but notice three other guys at the end of the! bar who didn’t have a drink in front of them and hadn’t ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man finished his martini and, gestured at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, “What’s with them?”

The bartender says, “Oh, those are retired Marines. They’re waiting for happy hour.”

That sounds like every Marine I’ve ever met.  And I don’t say that despairingly.   

There is so much truth in that last one.  God’s plans are always the right plans.  All we have to do is have the faith necessary to follow them.

Kentucky Law

By law, anyone who has been drinking is “sober” until he or she “cannot hold onto the ground.

A friend of mine heard this on a pre-flight announcement from an American Airlines pilot: “On our flight today, we will be flying at 34,000 feet. To give you an idea of how high that is, we would be able to fly over 50 Empire state buildings stacked one on top the other.

“Our speed will be about 500 miles per hour. That is just over the muzzle velocity of the standard military .45 pistol.” “We will be pushed along by two Pratt and Whitney JT-8D-200 turbofan engines. While thrust to horsepower varies with altitude, the total 40,000 pounds of thrust is greater than the combined power of 10 D-9 diesel locomotives.”

“In other words, we’re faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, and as always, your Dallas based crew stands for truth, justice, and the AMERICAN way of life!”

A pompous gentleman once asked the sharp-tongued actress, Mrs. Patrick Campbell, “Why do you suppose it is that women so utterly lack a sense of humour?” 

God did it on purpose,” Mrs. Campbell answered without batting an eyelash, “so that we may love you men instead of laughing at you.” 

What about those of us who stay up late and get up early?

Okay, so some of these are pretty good…

Top 10 Reasons Eve Was Created

10.. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9.. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.

8.. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.

7.. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor’s, dentist or haircut appointment for himself.

6.. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5.. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4.. As Keeper of the Garden Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3.. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2.. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And finally, the number ONE reason that God created Eve…

1.. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, “I can do better than that.”  Now, you just KNEW that one was going to be in the list, right?

Wise Advice From a Farmer’s Wife

• Whenever you return a borrowed pie pan,
  • Make sure it’s got a warm pie in it.

• Invite lots of folks to supper.
  • You can always add more water to the soup.

• There’s no such thing as woman’s work on a farm.
  • There’s just work.

• Make home a happy place for the children.
  • Everybody returns to their happy place.

• Always keep a small light on …
  • In the kitchen window at night.

• If your man gets his truck stuck in the field, don’t go in after him. 
  • Throw him a rope and pull him out with the tractor.

• Keep the kerosene lamp …
  • Away from the milk cow’s leg.

• It’s a whole lot easier to get breakfast …
  • From a chicken than a pig.

• Always pat the chickens …
  • When you take their eggs.

• It’s easy to clean an empty house,
  • But hard to live in one.  Hard learned truth

• All children spill milk.
  • Learn to smile and wipe it up.

• Homemade is always
  • Better’ n store bought.

• A tongue’s like a knife.
  • The sharper it is the deeper it cuts.

• A good neighbor always knows …
  • When to visit and when to leave.

• A city dog wants to run out the door,
  • But a country dog stays on the porch ’cause he’s not fenced-in.

• Always light birthday candles …
  • From the middle outward.

• Nothin’ gets the frustrations out …
  • Better ‘n  splittn’ wood.

• The longer dress hem,
  • The more trusting the husband.

• Enjoy doing your children’s laundry.
  • Some day they’ll be gone.

• You’ll never catch a runnin’ chicken …
  • But if you throw seed around the back door you’ll have a skillet full by supper.

• Biscuits brown better …
  • With a little butter brushed on ’em.

• Check your shoelaces …
  • Before runnin’ to help somebody.

• Visit old people who can’t get out.
  • Someday you’ll be one.

• The softer you talk,
  • The closer folks’ll listen.

• The colder the outhouse,
  • The warmer the bed.

The devil whispered to me, “I’m coming for you.”

I whispered back, “Bring pizza.”

And that is that my friends.  I can’t tell at this point in time whether there will be an issue on Monday or not.  I’m leaning towards not, so don’t be surprised.  So, until we meet again, may God Bless you all with Love and Happiness.