I have had a doctor appointment or some other kind of appointment of one kind or another every day this week, trying to catch up from stuff that I had to put off while I was gone to Florida.

Monday, I had to meet with my counselor.

Tuesday, I had my semi-annual podiatrist appointment so I can get my good diabetic shoes.  Even though my insurance is not paying for them anymore.  They changed my plan.  But it’s still the only way to get them and I WANT THEM!  They don’t make my feet hurt.

Wednesday was the sleep doctor (I don’t have sleep apnea anymore), my grief group on base at lunch time, and my Jail ministry Wednesday night.

Thursday, today, was my eye doctor appointment and I took Izzy to the store for a big grocery shopping to get ready for tomorrow when…

Friday I go to the dentist where they are going to rip out all of the remaining teeth I have left on the top and while my gums are still raw and bleeding they are going to shove a denture in my mouth, called hot denturing or something like that and then I’m going to be miserable for the rest of the weekend.

So, it’s been one of those weeks and I am already exhausted.  So I don’t know about you guys, but as for me… I NEED TO LAUGH!!!!!

Some of these I think I’ve used before because they look somewhat familiar…

Our buddy Sasquatch corrected one of the memes that we had from last issue…In a comment he writes: 

Mr. Hands was called in for an audit, and a surly Inland Revenue officer confronted him.

“It says here that you’re a bachelor – yet you have claimed a dependent son. Surely this must be a mistake.”

Mr. Hands looked him straight in the eye and said, “Yep, it surely was.”

Three ministers – a Presbyterian, a Methodist, and a Southern Baptist and their wives were all on a cruise together. A tidal wave came up and swamped the ship, and they all drowned.  The next thing you know, they’re standing before St.Peter.

As fate would have it, the first in line was the Presbyterian and his wife. St. Peter shook his head sadly and said, “I can’t let you in.  You were moral and upright, but you loved money too much. You loved it so much, you even married a woman named Penny. ” St. Peter waved sadly, and poof!  Down the chute to the ‘Other Place’ they went.

Then came the Methodist. “Sorry, can’t let you in either,” said Saint Peter “You abstained from liquor and dancing and cards, but you loved food too much. You loved food so much, you even married a woman named Candy!” Sadly, St. Peter waved again, and whang!  Down the chute went the Methodists.

The Southern Baptist turned to his wife and whispered nervously, “It ain’t looking good, Fanny.”

Sometimes it’s nice to just sit by yourself and relax and think.

A man was sitting on the sofa watching TV when he heard his wife’s voice from the kitchen.

“What would you like for dinner, love?  Chicken, beef or lamb?”

He said, “Thank you, I’ll have chicken.”

“Not you,” she said. “You’re having soup.  I was talking to the cat.”

This is such an adorable picture!!!!

And that one, too.

Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations.

     Keep going!

This is the answering machine message the Pacific Palisades High School (California) Staff voted to record on their school telephone answering system. Too bad they can’t actually use it…

This came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents to be responsible for their children’s absences and missing homework. The school and teachers are being sued by parents who want their children’s failing grades changed to passing grades even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did  not complete enough school work to pass their classes.

This was voted unanimously by the office staff as the actual  answering machine message for the school 

“Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school.

In order to assist you in connecting the right staff member, please listen to all your options before making a selection:-

To lie about why your child is absent – Press 1

To make excuses for why your child did not do his work – Press 2

To complain about what we do – Press 3

To swear at staff members – Press 4

To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you -Press 5

If you want us to raise your child – Press 6

If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone – Press 7

To request another teacher for the third time this year – Press 8

To complain about bus transportation – Press 9

To complain about school lunches – Press 0

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/ her own behavior, class work, homework, and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your children’s lack of effort… hang up and have a nice day!”

Downtown right outside Dragon Laffs, Inc.

Let’s put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this: 

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing and eat for free;
The fifth would pay $1: 
The sixth would pay $3; 
The seventh $7; 
The eighth $12; 
The ninth $18. 
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. 

That’s what they decided to do. The ten men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement — until one day, the restaurant owner threw them a curve. “Since you are all such good customers,” he said, “I’m going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20.” 

So now dinner for the ten only cost $80. The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes. So the first four men were unaffected. They would still eat for free. But what about the other six — the paying customers? How could they divvy up the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his “fair share?” 

The six men who had to pay realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33.

But if they subtracted that from everybody’s share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would end up being *paid* to eat their meal.

So the restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man’s bill by roughly the same proportion he had been paying. He proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay based on how they paid their taxes — and so: 

The fifth man paid nothing (he had been paying $1) 
The sixth pitched in $2 (instead of his usual $3), 
The seventh paid $5 (instead of his usual $7) 
The eighth paid $9 (instead of his usual $12) 
The ninth paid $14 (rather than his usual $18) 
Leaving the tenth man with a bill of $50 instead of his previous $59.

Each of the six was better off than before, and the first four continued to eat for free. 

As they left the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

“I only got a dollar out of the $20,” declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth and grumbled, “But he got $9!”

“Yeah, that’s right,” exclaimed the fifth man. “I only saved a dollar, too. 

It’s unfair that he got nine times more than me!” 

“That’s true!” shouted the seventh man, “Why should he get $9 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks!”

The eighth man grumbled, “He got three times as much back as I did, it isn’t fair, it isn’t fair at all.” 

The ninth man screamed, “He got more than twice what I did.”

“Wait a minute,” yelled the first four men in unison. 

“We didn’t get anything at all, the system exploits the poor, it’s unfair, it’s based on prejudice!” 

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. 

The next night the tenth man didn’t show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. 

When it came time to pay the bill, they each chipped in their revised amounts for the $80 tab and discovered something very important.

They were $50 short! 

And that, boys and girls, journalists, college instructors (and teachers in general) is how the tax system works. 

The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction

A MAN’S ANSWERS TO EVERY QUESTION A WOMAN EVER ASKS

1. WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS?

It’s a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it’s not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We’re just misunderstood.

2. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS HAVE TO OGLE AT OTHER WOMEN? 

Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I’m fairly certain it’s some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.

3. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS TOUCH THEMSELVES, ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC?

We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It’s much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus. 

4. WHY DO MEN ALWAYS SAY SUCH STUPID THINGS?

We like to. It’s actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.

5. WHY ARE MEN SO UNCOMMUNICATIVE?

You’d learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.

6. WHY DO MEN HAVE TO ACT LIKE SUCH RETARDS?

Well, we don’t actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it. It’s the old fashioned pride in a job well done that’s missing in so much of the world nowadays.

7. WHY CAN’T MEN JUST SHARE THEIR FEELINGS?

Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we’re experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.

8. WHY CAN’T MEN CUDDLE MORE (I.E. LIE DOWN AND HUG?

Please… How many hours do you think there is in a day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the hell (besides women) can stand lying around for hours on end? We men… Men hunters… Need go roam… Starve in cave… Must go find wildebeest… Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.

9. HOW CAN MEN SIT ON THEIR ASSES ALL DAY WITHOUT MOVING?

Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit very still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers etc. The end result is that almost all modern men are born with this innate ability.

10. WHY CAN’T MEN JUST SAY “I LOVE YOU?”

Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It’s not easy to admit to one’s own character faults.

11. WHY DO MEN SAY “I LOVE YOU” WHEN THEY HARDLY KNOW ME?

Ho, Ho, Ho… Aren’t you special? Well, some men think it’s a sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it actually still works quite well.

12. WHY DOESN’T MY PARTNER EVER ANSWER ME?

We just simply don’t have the energy to answer every single one of your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or that you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save the energy for other things.

13. WHY WON’T MEN EVER PICK UP AFTER THEMSELVES?

Why should we? It doesn’t really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you’ll pick it up.

14. WHAT’S WITH ALL THE BELCHING AND FARTING?

This usually only occurs after months of courting. It’s our way to let you know that we’re comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it’s actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.

15. WHY DO MEN HATE SHOPPING?

It’s an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend hours and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing? Err… buying?

Our brother Joe from NJ would like to make a holiday announcement….

If anyone is alone with no one to spend Christmas with, please let me know.

I need to borrow some chairs.

Okay, so I’m back from the dentist and man does my mouth hurt.  He pulled one tooth from the bottom and the five or six teeth remaining on the top.  Filled one cavity on the bottom and slammed the new denture in on the top.  He finished up about 3 hours ago and I still don’t have feeling back in my mouth all the way, I can’t eat or drink yet, my mouth is full of blood, I feel like crap and my day just keeps getting better and better.  

My poor Izzy gets a message from her boss that she can no longer wear shorts to work, she has to wear jeans.  Izzy HATES wearing pants.  She wears shorts all year long, even if there’s snow on the ground, this girl wears shorts.  This is just another example of Dollar General hurting their employees.  She wants to quit so bad she can taste it.  But, she can’t drive so she has to be really careful to get a job that she can get to.  I’m working on getting her a job on base.  But until then, I want her to hang on to what she has…but I’m really tempted to just let her quit.  

And I found out just a few minutes ago that I’m being sued.  Many years ago, Mary and I went through a 5 year thing where we used a legal firm to pay off all our debts.  We had a lot of them because of medical bills mostly.  We were paying our medical bills and food and everything on credit cards and being a poor government employee and not making much money, we got in really deep.  Well, this company helped get us out and at the end of the five years there were a couple of the debts that were written off.  I gather that one of those written off debts was sold as a batch to a company who is now trying to collect on those debts by taking people to court over them.  I haven’t even received the summons from the Sherriff’s office yet.  I got one of those advertisements in the mail from another legal office saying, “Public Records show that a lawsuit was filed against you, what happens next?” so I went on line to the state website and sure enough there is was.  And I downloaded a pdf of the summons, the complaint, all of it.  And if I remember it correctly, it was an old credit card bill.

So, I texted a dear friend who works with me in the Miami County Living Free Ministries who is a lawyer and she is going to look into it and see what it will take to settle.  Like I told her, just keep it out of court because that could cost me my job.  I’m ready to retire, but not yet.  

So yeah…it just keeps getting better and better.  And I still haven’t heard anything from the lawyers down in Florida about opening up my brothers estate!  Man, let’s go back to laughing.

This one is from Sasquatch and it’s called Comments from State Trooper on EVs

From an anonymous State Trooper in Wisconsin. I’m not a fan of all electric vehicles. Too many variables affecting battery consumption. Definitely not suited for cold climates. The following experience just cements my distaste for EV’s, especially Tesla.

I get sent to a motorist assist the other day, at the start of our snow storm. Tesla on the side of the interstate, dead battery. So I arrive on scene and the occupants have the right-front door open. They tell me that they can’t open any other doors, because the battery is dead. Sure enough. Can’t open the doors from inside or outside. The driver also can’t get her license out of the glove box where she put it during their trip. Because the glovebox opens electronically… and the battery is dead. You actually have to use the computer in the center of the dash to open the glovebox.

They said they had 10% battery left, should’ve been plenty to get from that location to the charging station nearby. Then all of a sudden the whole car shut off and they coasted to the shoulder.

So now I have to find them a tow. No one wants to tow EV’s. Finally found one company to do it. 8 mile trip to the charging station in Tomah. $1,000! Normal vehicle on the flatbed would’ve been $150.

So now we’re at the Tesla superchargers. 

Guess what. Can’t open the f’n charging port because the battery is dead!!! The ports open, you guessed it, electronically!!!. And we also can’t open the doors now (had to close the one open door when it was loaded onto the wrecker). The owners manual is in the on board computer, but the battery is dead.

I got the occupants to a store where they’d be warm while calling the rental company to figure out how to charge this POS, so I’m not sure of the outcome. I had to leave for a crash report.

I’ll stick with my dinosaur burner.

But if you’re like me and end up bend over, with your hands on your knees, trying not to pass out, it’s kind of obvious and the binoculars won’t help.

Here’s another one from our hairy friend called

Gun Logic

1 – Eleven teens die each day because of texting while driving.  Maybe it’s time to raise the age of “smart phone” ownership to 21.

     (FACT)

2 – If gun control laws actually worked, Chicago would be Mayberry, USA.

     (CHICAGO AND CALIFORNIA PROBABLY NEED TO PASS A LAW THAT STATES THAT CRIMINALS HAVE TO OBEY LAWS – OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF THE LAW)  (Isn’t that already the law?  Just asking)

3 – The Second Amendment (protects the right to keep and bear arms) makes more women equal than the entire feminist movement.

     (STOP AND THINK ABOUT THIS – THE “GREAT EQUALIZER”)

4 – Legal gun owners have 300 million guns and probably a trillion rounds of ammo. Seriously, folks, if we were the problem, you’d know it.

5 – When JFK was killed, nobody blamed the rifle.

6 – The NRA (National Rifle Association) murders 0 people and receives ($ 0) nothing in government funds.  Planned Parenthood kills 350,000 babies every year and receives $500,000,000 in tax dollars annually.

     (FACT)

7 – I have no problem with vigorous background checks when it comes to firearms.  But don’t be a hypocrite … let’s do the same when it comes to immigration, Voter ID, and candidates running for office.  (Amen and Amen!!)

8 – Folks keep talking about another Civil War.  One side knows how to shoot, and probably has a trillion rounds.  The other side has crying closets, and is confused about which bathroom to use.  How do you think that would work out ?

9 – A man who left 300,000 guns, and $ 78B of military equipment, for the Taliban is lecturing folks on gun control.  NO JOKE !!!

Don’t be afraid to share this.  There’s more logic and common sense expressed here than probably anything you have seen on the news today.

And it’s amazing that they are using the same lines now.

That is wrong on so many levels

I’ve always understood that one.

That one may have been misfiled under political…but it’s still pretty darn funny.

It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands  of people who pay no price for being wrong.

~ Thomas Sowell

Just like the other parasites of our world…illegals living in luxury apartments, congressmen and senators that are multimillionaires, people perfectly capable of working who are on welfare, illegals on social security who never paid in a day of their lives, need I go on?  Now, I don’t consider people incapable of working, or all congressmen and senators, etc. to be parasites.  You know who they are.  They know who they are.  God wants us to work (Izzy and I just had this conversation) to pull our own weight, to help out our fellow man (and woman) when they can’t help themselves.  Not when they won’t help themselves.  If they won’t help themselves, then they deserve to starve.  2 Thessalonians 3:10 – For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.  And why should it be any different now?  Notice it doesn’t say can not work, it says will not work.  In many other places it talks about helping your neighbor and feeding and clothing your brother, when they can not do it for themselves.  It is when they will not do it for themselves that we allow them to go hungry.  Okay, I’m done discussing parasites.  One of my least favorite creatures on the planet.  

Another reason why I love my 223 year old house.

David Sutcliffe writes:  

Remember when everyone knew pro wrestling was fake and they finally admitted it and the fans didn’t care and continued to watch anyway?

We’re almost there with politics and the media.

Another reason why you should always listen to your wife.

HOLY CRAP!!!! THEY MADE A CHAIR OUT OF COUSIN BILLY!!!!
I’m only kidding…it is a cool chair though.  I’d really like one for my backyard.

Thanks to Joe for sending in this next one.  I really didn’t think I was going to enjoy this one, but I found myself really getting into it by the end.  Lots and lots of good information here folks.

And since Sasquatch is sending us so much stuff this issue, here’s some more stuff from him… some..

Very Unimportant Facts

Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated
If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.

I would think that one about the red lights would be worse if you spent most of your life in a big city.

No kidding!!!! I’d really like one of those chairs, also!!!

Things that make you go AWWWW!!!

And this next one is just plain fun.  Thanks Joe!

This one is called Doctor Code and it too is from Joe and a fantastic good read, especially for someone from the military who lives for acronyms.

THE doctor purses his lips, looks at you pityingly over his half-moon spectacles and quietly writes something on his clipboard, something short, sharp and authoritative. He turns away to answer the phone and you seize the diversion to sneak a look at your case notes. He has written: “Plumbum oscillans.” 

What disease can this be? It sounds contagious… maybe even fatal… Is it time to phone friends and family and say farewell? Is your will up to date? 

Relax. 

Plumbum oscillans is no threat to health – it is Latin for “swinging the lead,” and it is the doctor’s discreet way of concluding that you are a malingerer, someone seeking a sick note to take time off work.

These and other terms are part of a secret language, indecipherable to outsiders, that doctors use with each other to convey a truth that is otherwise unsayable, especially to the patient. 

The slang can be cruel, insulting and highly inventive, says Adam Fox, a specialist registrar at the Child Allergy Unit at St. Mary’s Hospital in London, who has put together a dictionary of the terms. 

They include British emergency-room acronyms such as UBI (for “Unexplained Beer Injury”), PAFO (“Pissed And Fell Over”) and ATFO (“Asked To F… Off”), not to mention Code Brown, referring to a fecal incontinence emergency. 

Then there is DBI, for “Dirt bag Index.” This is a formula which multiplies the number of tattoos on the patient’s body by the number of missing teeth to estimate the total of days he has gone without a bath.

Relatives of patients on the critical list may blanche if they knew what CTD, GPO or Rule of Five mean on their loved-one’s records. 

The first means “Circling The Drain,” the second signifies “Good for Parts Only” and “Rule of Five” means that if more than five of the patient’s orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance. 

A patient who is “giving the O-sign” is very sick, lying with his mouth open. This is followed by the “Q-sign” — when the tongue hangs out of the mouth — when the patient becomes terminal.

General practitioners may use LOBNH (“Lights On But Nobody Home”) or the impressively bogus Oligoneuronal to mean someone who is thick. 

But they also have a somewhat poetic option: “Pumpkin positive”, referring to the idea that the person’s brain is so tiny that a penlight shone into his mouth will make his empty head gleam like a Halloween pumpkin. 

If a doctor is stumped for what is wrong with his or her patient, they may record GOK, for “God Only Knows.” 

As for genetic quirks or inbreeding, FLK means “Funny Looking Kid” and NFN signifies “Normal For Norfolk,” a rural English county. 

Fox says he has a list of more than 200 terms used by medical practitioners in Britain but his collection shows that doctors around the world make up their own versions. 

In Brazil, for instance, physicians use the acronym PIMBA for what can be translated as “swollen-footed, drunk, run-over beggar.”

Fox agrees that some terms are offensive and even cause confusion to other doctors who are not in the know. 

But he asks at least for critics to understand the stress that doctors face every day. And in any case, the colorful language is under threat of dying out because of fears of lawsuits. 

“The use of medical slang helps to depersonalize the distress encountered in doctors’ everyway working lives,” Fox told the British Medical Journal (BMJ) last year. 

“It is a way of detaching and distancing oneself from patients’ distress through loss, grief, disease, dying and death. Often someone else’s pain is too much for us, so we cut up…”

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense.

Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. 

He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm and that life isn’t always fair. 

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). 

His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place-

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; 
Teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; 
And a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. 

Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. 

Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. 

Common Sense finally gave up the ghost after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a bit in her lap, and was awarded a huge financial settlement. 

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, His wife, Discretion; His daughter, Responsibility;  and his son, Reason. 

He is survived by two stepbrothers; My Rights and Ima Whiner. 

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

A young Jew and an old Jew are riding on a bus in Jerusalem.

The young Jew asks, “Excuse me, sir, what time is it?”

The old Jew doesn’t answer.

“Excuse me, sir,” the young Jew asks again, “what time is it?”

The old Jew still doesn’t answer.

“Sir, forgive me for interrupting you all the time, but I really want to know what time it is. Why won’t you answer me?”

The old Jew says, “Son, the next stop is the last on this route. I don’t know you, so you must be a stranger. If I answer you now, according to Jewish tradition, I must invite you to my home. You’re handsome and I have a beautiful daughter. You will both fall in love and you’ll want to get married. And tell me, why would I want a son-in-law who can’t even afford a watch.

Okay, so Joe sent me this next one.  It’s entitled You’d NEVER Guess What Happens and then he wrote, “Found a great new sport for you!!!”  I’ll admit, I was a little intrigued, but in the end, I had to watch it twice, because the title is quite correct.

A cement mixer collided with a prison van near Trenton Prison. 

Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu.” 

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said: 

Slowly across the desert sand 
Trekked a lonely caravan; 
Men on camels, two by two 
Destination Timbuktu. 

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited: 

Me and Tim a huntin’ went. 
Met three whores in a pop up tent. 
They was three, and we was two, 
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu. 

The redneck won hands down! 

And that, my dear friends, is that.  I hope to have an issue for you on Monday.  It is now Friday dinner time, I think I will be having ice cream for dinner tonight.  The problem is that I really want to take out this denture, but I can’t for 24 hours.  But I will get some sleep, and I will take another pill.  Not that it is helping much, but every little bit helps.  

May you all be blessed with Love and Happiness until we meet again.  And above all else, remember…