Okay, so here’s the deal…I really thought that I was going to have time to publish a real issue for today.  Right, I didn’t put one out on Monday.  I seriously didn’t have time for that and didn’t really think I would.  Then Sunday came around and I had promised Izzy the day, since it was her first day off since I got home and I went to church in the morning and had to stay over afterward to not only catch all my brothers and sisters up, but to get caught up on everything.  I may have have told you that a dear friend is in the hospital and she is not doing well.  She is a sister from the church.

Then Monday and I had to go back to work and wasn’t THAT a treat and catching up on like two weeks of stuff that I was behind on and staying over late and then Monday night I worked on some for my brother’s estate and Izzy tells me she hates her job.  We talk about that and what she can do, since she can’t drive and with her autism and social anxiety issues and we talked into the evening and then, suddenly, the night was over. 

Tuesday and we’re back to Izzy’s problem, but I had an idea the night before and talked to a guy I know on base and that might be an answer so that she could ride into work with me and work on base cleaning rooms over at lodging, so we worked on her resume and put it on USA Jobs and well, long story short Tuesday is shot.

Wednesday, tonight and I had an eye appointment this afternoon that was put off from when I was gone and I have my Jail Ministry in about an hour and a half and … well … that catches us up and the whole darn week is gone already!

Plus this is a UTA weekend, which means I’m working all weekend, so that leaves Monday without an issue.  But, I should be able to get a REAL issue done for Saturday.  (Please God, let me get a real issue done for Saturday.  These wonderful campers have been so good and so supportive of me…)

On different news, my Pastor called me yesterday.  Seems that there is a Christmas Concert Saturday night and our dear sister who is in the hospital had a ticket for said concert, with dinner, that is already paid for and we would like you to use the ticket.  It’s already paid for.  Would you please do us the honor of joining us?  There is a big group of us that are taking the church bus (really just a big van) and driving up together and we’d really like you to join us.  Now I ask you…how can I possibly turn that down?  I’m sorry Pastor, I just have too much to do?  Yeah, I don’t think so.  So I am joyfully going to a Christmas Concert on Saturday night and still getting up at 0500 so as to be out to the base at 0600 to get ready to teach Chemical Warfare Training (nowadays called CBRN Defense Training) at 0800 to a group of about 20 Air Force members on Sunday.  Not sure when, if ever I’ll catch up on my sleep.  It hasn’t happened since I’ve been home.  Okay, I take that back.  I slept all the way until 0800 on Saturday on my first night back home.  Only because it felt so glorious to be in my own bed again.

So, that’s my whining and complaining for the day.  I hope you found it interesting.  So, with the time I have left, let’s see how much of this we can do! 

Yeah, you gotta understand a little history to get this one.  And a little bit of religious history at that.

I see a slap in that guy’s future.

Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.

As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods.

On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.

“Why don’t you use an old ball?” his friend Sam asked.

“I’ve never had an old ball,” Morris said.

The following questions and answers were collated from last year’s SAT tests given in Springdale, Arkansas to 16 year old students!

  Q: Name the four seasons.
  A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

  Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
  A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes  large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

  Q: How is dew formed?
  A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

  Q: What is a planet?
  A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.

  Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
  A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon.

  All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum.   I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

  Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
  A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

  Q: What are steroids?
  A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

  Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
  A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

  Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
  A: Premature death.

  Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
  A: Keep it in the cow.

  Q: What does “varicose” mean?
  A: Nearby.

  Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section.”
  A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

  Q: What is a seizure?
  A: A Roman emperor.

  Q: What is a terminal illness?
  A: When you are sick at the airport

  Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
  A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

  Q: What is a Hindu?
  A: It lays eggs

Sounds like some of the places I’ve worked.

Is it my imagination, or do most people meet the right one after they’ve married the wrong one?

Great Aunt Perillas prior to the devastating ransacking of ’04 

Oh come on!

Q: How do you get a redhead to argue with you?

A: Say something

NO!

I said NO!

I ain’t buyin’ it.

Carolyn’s car was in for service so her son picked Miss C up from work one evening, and she seemed a bit irritated.

Carolyn complained that the day hadn’t gone well, and on top of everything else, a young customer had addressed her as “Ma’am.”

“I’m not that old! !!” Carolyn insisted. ” I deserve more respect.”

Miss C continued to vent the whole way home while hitting the scan button on the radio.

 Finally her son asked, ” Mom what are you looking for?”

Carolyn replied, “The oldies station.”

Okay, now that one!  That’s just my cousin Irving acting the fool!

And okay, that one…I could buy that one.

Three absent-minded professors were talking together in a bus terminal.  They got so engrossed in what they were saying that they didn’t notice the bus had pulled in.

As the driver sang out,”All aboard,” they looked up startled and dashed from the platform.  Two of them managed to hop on the bus, but the third didn’t make it.

As he stood sadly watching the bus disappear into the distance, a stranger tried to cheer him up, saying, “You shouldn’t feel too bad.  Two out of three made it, and that’s a pretty good average.”

The professor shook his head.  “But THEY came to see ME off.”

Friends and Family Special

Two girls were having coffee when one noticed that the other girl seemed troubled and asked her, “Is something bugging you? You look anxious.”

“Well, my boyfriend just lost all his money and life savings in the stock market,” she explained.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” the other girl sympathized. “I’m sure you’re feeling sorry for him.”

“Yeah, I am,” she said. “He’ll really miss me.”

Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds.

-Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

This one is an oldie…but I love it all the same

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Well, I’m afraid that I’m out of time my friends.  I hope for better on Saturday.  May you all be blessed with Love and Happiness until we meet again.  And remember…