Well……I’m still at home.  And that’s a very long story.  It looks like it’s going to be a bit before I can head down to Florida.  So, I’m going to try and put together a regular issue that we can all laugh at and so we can laugh together. 

Because my friends, this is honestly tearing me up inside.  I have cancelled so many different plans to head down to Florida and different plans to do … well … like I said, long story. 

So, right now I’m just waiting.  Monday I’m going back to work until I know something and I’m letting someone else handle things until they tell me that they need me to handle things…and when they do, I will.  If they don’t, even better. 

So, let’s start laughing.  Because laughter helps.  No matter the hurt.

Lynn has sent me this interesting article called “Will We See the Rebuilding of the Temple Before the Rapture?” and since enough of you have indicated an interest, like me, and since this is as topical as it is for so many different reasons as it is, and because it is of special interest of mine right now, I am sending it out to you guys with my special thanks to Lynn:

Restoration of the Jewish temple is tough to imagine. Sacred to Jews, Muslims, and Christians, the site of Herod’s ancient sanctuary stirs up conflicting claims and heated emotions. At present, Al-Aqsa Mosque occupies the Temple Mount. Israel’s Foreign Minister and Alternate Prime Minister, Yair Lapid, has vowed to maintain the status quo, saying, “Muslims pray on the Temple Mount, non-Muslims can only visit. There is no change, and there will be no change.”

But according to Scripture, the temple will be rebuilt by the middle of the Tribulation. Paul foresaw a day when the Antichrist will sit “as God in the temple of God, showing himself that he is God” (2 Thessalonians 2:4). In the Olivet Discourse, Jesus referred to the restored temple and its desecration: “When you see the ‘abomination of desolation,’ spoken of by Daniel the prophet, standing in the holy place… then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains…. For then there will be great tribulation, such as has not been since the beginning of the world until this time, no, nor ever shall be” (Matthew 24:15-16, 21).

Well, my answer to the question wouldn’t be that it would be the end, but the beginning.  If you are assured of your eternity than nothing else matters, but the author of this piece, whoever that might be, postulates some very interesting questions.  Questions that somehow seem quite timely right now.  Thanks Lynn for sharing.

And another interesting article from Lynn.  This one is called Sumerian Art.

Sumerians Looked to the Heavens as They Invented the System of Time… And We Still Use it Today.

 One might find it curious that we divide the hours into 60 minutes and the days into 24 hours – why not a multiple of 10 or 12? Put quite simply, the answer is because the inventors of time did not operate on a decimal (base-10) or duodecimal (base-12) system but a sexagesimal (base-60) system. 

For the ancient Sumerian innovators who first divided the movements of the heavens into countable intervals, 60 was the perfect number. The number 60 can be divided by 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 10, 12, 15, 20, and 30 equal parts. 

Moreover, ancient astronomers believed there were 360 days in a year, a number which 60 fits neatly into six times.

 The Sumerian Empire did not last. However, for more than 5,000 years the world has remained committed to their delineation of time.

I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
 
I’ve started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillianaire.
 
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. Now that’s humerus.
 
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.
 
Did you know muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you take them out of the oven.
 
I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, “That lizard is really funny!” He replied, “That’s not a lizard. He’s a stand-up chameleon.”
 
I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it but nobody saw it.
 
Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
 
The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the chick peas can only hummus one.
 
Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court… It was a brief case.
 
How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it’s on the house.
 
My friend said she wouldn’t eat cow’s tongue because it came out of a cow’s mouth. I gave her an egg.
 
Once upon a time there was a King who was only 12 inches tall. He was a terrible King but he made a great ruler.
 
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That’s right…Jack and the beans talk.
 
I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it struck me.
 
Six cows were smoking joints and playing poker. That’s right. The steaks were pretty high.

I went to the paint store to get thinner.  It didn’t work.

I got nothing, but it is a cool picture.

This one is from Ted:

“In the last Quarter of Life”

A lot of us are in the last quarter of life and I share without politics, religion, race cards. Just gentle thoughts:

You know, time has a way of catching you off-guard about how quickly it travels.

It feels like just yesterday that I was young and ready to start adult-life. And in a way it feels like eons ago, and I wonder where the years have gone.

I know I lived them all.

I remember all my hopes and dreams. I remember the plans I made.

And suddenly, here I am in the last quarter.

How did I get here so fast?

Where have the years gone and where did my youth go?

I can recall looking at older people, thinking how long it will take for me to get where they are. That I am still in my youth, that I have many years ahead. At that time I could not even think of being where I am now.

And yet, here I am.

My friends are retired, they all have grey hair, they move much slower than they did and when I look at them, I see older people. Some are in a better and some a worse condition than me. But I see the big difference. They are no longer the youthful, carefree, full-of-life friends.

Just like me, age shows. And we are now the older people we used to look at and thought it was still a long way off.

I find that these days, taking a shower takes its toll on my breath and energy levels. And an afternoon nap is not just a treat, it’s become a necessity. And if I don’t, I find myself sleeping in the same chair I started reading or watching television in.

Now I have entered this new season of my life, totally unprepared for the discomfort, aches and pains, loss of energy and strength and ability to do what I could, yet sometimes didn’t. At least I know that, even though I am in the last quarter and I have no idea how long this quarter will be, when my time on earth is over, a new adventure awaits too.

Yes, I do have things I wish I I had never done. Yet so thankful for those I did. It is all in a lifetime.

And if you are not in the last quarter yet, I want to remind you that it comes faster than you could anticipate. Do the things you still want to do as soon as possible. Do not procrastinate. Life runs on fast legs.

Do today what you can.

There is no promise that we will all see the seasons of life. Live for today. For now.

Say the words to the ones you love. Often.

Hopefully some will appreciate the things you did for them. And if they don’t, it is also okay.

Life is truly a gift. Just be happy. It is afterall your choice.

And remember that health is a treasure, not wealth, gold and silver, property or your bank balance.

You may think that going out is the best, but believe me – coming home is better.

You may forget names and that is okay, because some have already forgotten that they knew you.

The things you cared about previously, you may lose interest in.

If you fall asleep in your favourite chair, stay there.

Growing older is wonderful. It is comfortable. It is loaded with memories that you never grow tired of. It is an absolute treasure.

Look after yourself.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistry. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistry and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.

My wife and I went to a “Dude Ranch” while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.

He told her one had a horn and one didn’t, she replied, “The one without the horn is fine. I don’t expect we’ll run into too much traffic.”

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him.

“Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!”

“Do you mean that repulsive pink and blue double-breasted thing?” the manager asked.

“That’s the one!”

That’s great!” the manager cried, “I thought we’d never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we’ve ever had! But tell me… why is your hand bandaged?”

“Oh,” the clerk replied, “after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me.”

An American is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing gum, sits down next to him.

The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

French man: “You American folk eat the whole bread??”

American (in a bad mood): “Of course.”

French: (after blowing a huge bubble) “We don’t.

In France, we only eat what’s inside.

The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states.”

The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The American listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: “Do you eat jelly with the bread??”

American: “Of Course.”

Frenchman: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling).  “We don’t. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to the states.”

The American then asks: “Do you have sex in France?”

Frenchman: “Why of course we do”, he says with a big smirk.

American: “And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?”

Frenchman: “We throw them away, of course.”

American: “We don’t.

In America, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to France.”

How long have you been driving without a tail light, mam?” the policeman asked Cathy, a blonde.

Cathy jumped out, ran to the rear of her car, and gave a low moan. Her distress was so great that the cop was moved to ease up on her a bit.

“Aw, come now,” he said, “you don’t have to take it so hard. It isn’t that serious.”

“It isn’t?” cried Cathy. “What happened to my husband’s boat and trailer?

“My uncle ran for Congress last year.”

“Really? What does he do now?”

“Nothing. He got elected.”

Browsing through a magazine, John was caught by a story about chickens, which have yellow eyes, being fitted with red contact lenses, which “make them eat less, lay more, and stop henpecking.” That’s what it said.

John turns to Jill and says, “You know, once word of this gets around, rose-colored glasses are going to be the hottest Christmas gift from husbands to wives.”

A guy walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey, buddy, if you can think of a good name for this bar, I’ll give you a free beer.”

So the guy goes outside and tries to think of a name. A beautiful lady walks by and he asks her her name.

“Sarah,” she says. He looks at her incredible legs and realizes “Sarah’s Legs” would make a great name for the bar. He goes back inside and tells this story to the bartender, who immediately agrees and renames the bar “Sarah’s Legs.”

The next day, the guy is sitting outside the same bar when a lady walks by and asks, “What are you doing out here, handsome?”

“Oh, he answers, “I’m just waiting for Sarah’s Legs to open so I can have a couple of quick ones.”

Stumpy Grider and his Wife Martha were from Portland, Maine.

Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said “Ya know Mahtha, Ah’d like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane”.

Every year Martha would say, “Ah know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs… and ten dollahs is ten dollahs”.

So Stumpy says “By Jeebahs, Mahtha, I’m 71 yeahs old, if I don’t go this time I may nevah go”.

Martha replies, “Stumpy, that theah aihplane ride is ten dollahs…and ten dollahs is ten dollahs”.

So the pilot overhears them and says, “Folks, I’ll make you a deal, I’ll take you both up for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won’t charge you, but just one word and it’s ten dollars”.

They agree and up they go… the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard; he does it one more time, still nothing…so he lands.

He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, “By golly, I did everything I could think of to make you holler out, but you didn’t!”

And Stumpy replies, “Well, Ah was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out…but ten dollahs is ten dollahs!”

I think the above is a picture of heaven.

“How come you’re late?” asked the bartender, as the blonde waitress walked into the bar.

“It was awful,” she explained. “I was walking down Elm street and there was a terrible accident. A man was thrown from his car and he was lying in the middle of the street. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere. Thank God I took that first-aid course.

“What did you do?” asked the bartender.

“I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep from fainting!”

A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, he alked over to her, placed his hand up er skirt and began fondling her. 

She jumped up and slapped him silly. 

He immediately apologized and explained, I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.” 

“Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole!” she screamed.

“That’s funny,” he muttered, “You even sound exactly like her.” 

A factory owner said to a store owner, “Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you.”

“Gosh, it’s nice to hear that, but I’m kind of surprised,” admitted Smith. “You know that I argue every bill and always pay late.”

The factory owner said, “I’d still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred.”

Well, that’s it my friends.  I’m going to end this here and publish it immediately.  Things, of course are falling apart again.  While I was writing this, more trouble has been caused.  I am so tired of it.  So, I’m going to say to you all, may God Bless you all with Love and Happiness until we can meet again.