It’s Thursday, and as usual, I haven’t had a minute to breath since I last addressed you guys on Sunday.  I think it was Sunday when I last put fingers to keyboard.  

Monday was just a busy day going back to work and putting things together for the week.  Tuesday was darts night where we barely squeezed out a win in steel tip.  6-5.  I don’t know what it is with my dart game lately…I can’t seem to hit anything that I’m aiming for.  Maybe it’s God’s way of telling me that my time can be better spent elsewhere.  I’m certainly not enjoying it like I used to, but I think that’s because it’s something that Mary and I used to do  together…and now that she’s gone, it’s just not the same.

Anyway, then Wednesday is Jail Ministry.  That is always a lot of fun.  And yesterday’s was especially good.  Some good push back from the men, which allowed us to point them in the direction they needed to travel.  Add to that a great Bible Study at lunch on Wednesday where we had … or maybe I had … an epiphany of a sort and it really made Wednesday a good day.

Well, okay, since you asked, I’ll tell you.  Here’s my epiphany…

Our lives are big and long and wonderful things that we get to go through and have experiences in and use to love one another and, hopefully, do good and worthwhile things.  But, they are also these teeny, tiny little miniscule blips of time when you compare them to the rest of eternity.  That time period that we are all working towards after we die.  Picture our lives as a single atom that is floating in the Atlantic Ocean.  And that still isn’t the same, because the Atlantic Ocean has an end, where eternity doesn’t.  But that’s how small our lives are and how large of a reward we’re working toward.  And that large reward can either be an awesome place full of God’s love with a perfected body or it can be a place of continuous pain and torture.  Okay, two more points to my epiphany…for those of you who are worried about something or who are trying to get over something someone said to you or trying to forgive someone for something and finding it hard or something like that?  Right?  You following me?  That is like that atom in the ocean, but now you are concerned with just an electron on that atom…in all that vastness…and when you step back and look at it from an eternal perspective, is that one little incident going to ruin you for the good vastness?  Is that what’s going to push you into the lake of fire?  Are you going to allow that to color your whole existence? 

And my last point–that atom in all that vastness is me (and you) … and that electron on that atom is this very moment in time.  And each of us, everywhere, at every possible second of time, are chock full of these moments and God not only knows about, cares about, and is involved in these moments.  He is committed to each and every one of us, everywhere, every second, of every day for all our little miniscule moments in the vastness of all eternity.  Each of those tiny little bitty things are that important to Him.  He Loves Us That Much!  His Love is so overwhelming.  How can we possibly give Him anything but our very best.  Most especially since our reward is so immense for such a tiny effort.  Comparatively that is. 

And that is my epiphany…

And with that, let’s get moving on the other stuff…

Baby Changing Stations are the biggest hoax.

The parents always come out with the same kid.

I just opened my water bill and my electricity bill at the same time…

I was shocked.

This one cracked me up.

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

“Let’s have a party, Homer,” she suggested. “Let’s kill a pig.”

The farmer scratched his grizzled head. “Gee, Ethel,” he finally answered, “I don’t see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.”

Okay, I THINK that’s a big ole spider…but I’m not really sure.  But it’s definitely SOMETHING!!!  And I ain’t reaching my hand in there to open that door, that’s for SURE!!

WE     ARE     EVERYWHERE!!!!!

Stephanie writes the following:  It humbles me when I realize that God oversees this yet still looks at me, and cares for me.  At the same time. He is massive and I am but a speck of dust, not worth His consideration. Yet, He died for me. What an awesome God.

Arp 87: Merging Galaxies from Hubble
Image Credit: NASA, ESA, Hubble; Processing: Harshwardhan Pathak

Explanation: This dance is to the death. As these two large galaxies duel, a cosmic bridge of stars, gas, and dust currently stretches over 75,000 light-years and joins them. The bridge itself is strong evidence that these two immense star systems have passed close to each other and experienced violent tides induced by mutual gravity. As further evidence, the face-on spiral galaxy on the right, also known as NGC 3808A, exhibits many young blue star clusters produced in a burst of star formation. The twisted edge-on spiral on the left (NGC 3808B) seems to be wrapped in the material bridging the galaxies and surrounded by a curious polar ring. Together, the system is known as Arp 87. While such interactions are drawn out over billions of years, repeated close passages will ultimately create one merged galaxy. Although this scenario does look unusual, galactic mergers are thought to be common, with Arp 87 representing a stage in this inevitable process. The Arp 87 dancing pair are about 300 million light-years distant toward the constellation of the Lion (Leo). The prominent edge-on spiral galaxy at the far left appears to be a more distant background galaxy and not involved in the on-going merger.

Have to write a letter of recommendation for that fired employee? – Here are a few suggested phrases:

For the chronically absent: “A man like him is hard to find.” “It seemed his career was just taking off.”

For the office drunk: “I feel his real talent is wasted here.” “We generally found him loaded with work to do.” “Every hour with him was a happy hour.”

For an employee with no ambition: “He could not care less about the number of hours he had to put in.” “You would indeed be fortunate to get this person to work for you.”

For an employee who is so unproductive that the job is better left unfilled: “I can assure you that no person would be better for the job.”

For an employee who is not worth further consideration as a job candidate: “I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment.” “All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly.”

For a stupid employee: “There is nothing you can teach a man like him.” “I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.”

For a dishonest employee: “Her true ability was deceiving.” “He’s an unbelievable worker.”

The Geography of Men and Women 

They say about women that… Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile, and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like the USA. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed, and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still, a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain. With a glorious and all-conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like France. She has been through war, and vowed never again. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for knowledge. 

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN: 

Between 1 and 100, a man is like Iran and Russia: Ruled by a pair of nuts.

Okay, so it’s an old joke, but it’s still good.

Sometimes, sitting by yourself is a way to unwind.

The Importance of Walking and Other Forms of Exercise

• Walking can add minutes to your life. 
  • This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.
• My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. 
  • Now he’s 97 years old and we don’t know where he is
• I like long walks … 
  • Especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
• The only reason I would take up walking …
  • Is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
• I have to walk early in the morning …
  • Before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
• I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. 
  • I haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
• Every time I hear the dirty word ‘exercise’ …
  • I wash my mouth out with chocolate.
• If you are going to try cross-country skiing …
  • Start with a small country.
• We all get heavier as we get older …
  • Because there’s a lot more information in our heads. 

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it

Buying a Mule

Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the Herald-Citizen in Cookeville, TN. and bought a mule for $100.  The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.

The next morning the farmer drove up and said, “Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night.“

Curtis & Leroy replied, “Well, then just give us our money back.”

The farmer said, “Can’t do that.  I went and spent it already.”

They said, “OK then, just bring us the dead mule.”

The farmer asked, “What in the world ya’ll gonna do with a dead mule?”

Curtis said, “We gonna raffle him off.”

The farmer said, “You can’t raffle off a dead mule!”

Leroy said, “We shore can! Heck, we don’t hafta tell nobody he’s dead!”

A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis & Leroy at the IGA grocery store and asked, “What’d you fellers ever do with that dead mule?”

They said, “We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do.”

Leroy said, “Shucks, we sold 1000 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $1,998.00.”

The farmer said, “My Lord, didn’t anyone complain?”

Curtis said, “Well, the feller who won got upset.  So, we gave him his two dollars back.”

Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

This farmer was out in the yard eating a sandwich when a hen came squawking out into the barnyard with a huge rooster in hot pursuit, a few crumbs fell to the ground from the farmers sandwich and the rooster screeched to a halt and gobbled them up while the hen got away. 

Damn, thought the farmer, I hope to hell I never get that hungry. 

Transcript of a video sent in by our good buddy Sasquatch.

Well, that was the weirdest trip to the nail saloon I’ve had in a long time.  There were these girls beside me just talking really loud.  I try not to listen to other people’s conversation, but they were talking really loud almost like they wanted other people to hear what they were talking about.

So, they live in a mobile home park and they were talking about this family where they have this husband and a wife and the wife passes away from like cancer and the husband then marries the babysitter.  It’s later found that he’s taking showers with his daughter when she’s much too old.

There’s an uncle who’s sleeping with his niece.

A brother who’s banging his dead brother’s widow, while having an affair with her sister and simultaneously knocking up a stripper.

Except here’s the kicker.  This family didn’t live in the Mobile Home park…they live at the White House…this is the first family they are talking about.  The Bidens.  

And that’s who’s running our country.

Yeah…and some of y’all out there elected him.  

Medical Terminology for Laymen

ANTIBODY:  Against everyone

ARTERY:  The study of painting

BACTERIA:  Back door to a cafeteria

BANDAGES:  The Rolling Stones

BARIUM:  What you do when CPR fails

BENIGN:  What you be after you be eight

BOTULISM:  Tendency to make mistakes

BOWEL:  A letter like A, E, I, O, or U

CESAREAN SECTION:  A district in Rome

CARDIOLOGY:  Advanced study of poker playing

CATSCAN:  Searching for ones lost kitty

CAUTERIZE:  Made eye contact with her

COLIC:  A sheep dog

COMA:  A punctuation mark

CONGENITAL:  Friendly

CORTIZONE:  The local courthouse

D & C:  Where Washington is

DILATE:  To live longer

ENEMA:  Not a friend

ENTERITIS:  A penchant for burglary

ER:  The things on your head that you hear with

FESTER:  Quicker

FIBRILLATE:  To tell lies

FIBULA:  A small lie

G.I. SERIES:  Baseball game between teams of soldiers

GENES:  Blue denim slacks

GENITAL:  Non-Jewish

GRIPPE:  What you do to a suitcase

HANGNAIL:  A coat hook

HEMORRHOID:  A male from outer space

HERPES:  What women do in the Ladies Room

HORMONES:  What a prostitute does when she doesn’t get paid

ICU:  Peek-A-Boo

IMPOTENT:  Distinguished, well known

INPATIENT:  Tired of waiting

LABOR PAIN:  Hurt at work

MEDICAL STAFF:  A doctor’s cane

MINOR OPERATION:  Somebody else’s

MORBID:  A higher offer

NITRATES:  Lower than day rates

NODE:  Was aware of

ORGAN TRANSPLANT:  What you do to your piano when you move

ORGANIC:  Church music

OUTPATIENT:  A patient who has fainted

PAP SMEAR:  A fatherhood test

PARALIZE:  Two far-fetched stories

PATHOLOGICAL:  A reasonable way to go

PELVIS:  A cousin of Elvis

PHARMACIST:  A person who makes a living dealing in agriculture

PLASTER CAST:  The drunk roadies backstage at a rock concert

POST-OPERATIVE:  A letter carrier

PROTEIN:  In favor of young people

RECOVERY ROOM:  Place to upholster furniture

RECTUM:  What happened to the Corvette

RED BLOOD COUNT:  Dracula

RHEUMATIC:  Amorous

SALINE:  Where to go on your boyfriend’s boat

SECRETION:  Hiding anything

SEIZURE:  A Roman emperor

SEROLOGY:  Study of English knighthood

SURGERY:  A reason to get uninterruptible power study

STERILE SOLUTION:  Not using the elevator during a fire

TABLET:  A small table

TERMINAL ILLNESS:  Getting sick at the airport

TIBIA:  Country in North Africa

TRIPLE BYPASS:  Better than a quarterback sneak

TUMOR:  An extra pair

URINE:  Opposite of “you’re out”

VARICOSE:  Very close

Remember Einstein’s comment:  “There is a major difference between intelligence and stupidity; intelligence has its limits.”

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, then asked the navigator, “Do you know what I use this for?”

The navigator replied timidly, “No, what’s it for?”

The pilot responded, “I use this on navigators who get me lost!”

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.

The pilot asked, “What’s that for?”

“To be honest sir,” the nav replied, “I’ll know we’re lost before you will.”

A manager is told by his doctor that he has to take on some sport so he decides to play tennis. After a couple of weeks his secretary asks him how he’s doing. 

“It’s going fine”, the manager says, “When I’m on the court and I see the ball speeding towards me my brain immediately says: “To the corner! Back hand! To the net! Smash! Go back!” 

“Really? What happens then?” the girl asks all enthusiastic. 

“Then my body says: Who? Me? Don’t talk nonsense!” 

When I was at Fort Dix, N.J., for Army basic training, my father, an Air Force master sergeant, was stationed at Dover Air Force Base in Delaware. I got a weekend pass, and Dad picked me up Friday evening so we could drive home to Massachusetts.

On the way, we stopped at a diner. I was wearing my dress greens, and Dad was in dress blues. The waitress looked puzzled as she took our order. “Is something wrong, ma’am?” I asked.

“It’s unusual to see men in different services traveling together,” she explained.

“That’s nothing,” Dad replied. “He’s taking me home to sleep with his mother!”

“Oh Sarah, I just heard the news” said Esther to her blonde friend.

“You poor dear. Your husband Morris drowned. At least he left you ten million dollars. It’s amazing that he made so much money, yet he couldn’t even read or write.”

Sarah smiled, “Yeah, thank God he couldn’t swim either.”

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea what to answer. But he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. 

Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. “Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?” 

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bubba. “Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a FARM.” 

“Oh yeah, ” said Bubba. “I remember now.” 

He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Tapping Tiny’s shoulder again, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?” 

“You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O.” 

Two guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men down.

So one man says to his friend, “I’m gonna go ask those ladies if we can play through.”

He starts walking toward them, but about halfway there, he turns around. When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.

He replies, “One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why don’t you go talk to them?”

So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.

When he gets back, his friend asks, “Now what happened?”

To this he replies, “It’s a small world.”

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown.  Blame yourself for going to the circus.

Me:  You should be a cop. 

Her:  I don’t wanna. 

Me:  You chase the same men they do, might as well get paid for it.

I found a recipe from Morocco for homemade dinner rolls.  It called for fresh thyme but mine was outdated.  I used it anyway. 

You know, as I reminisce, I really like that old thyme Moroccan roll.

That was that.  I hope you enjoyed what you just read.  I sure enjoyed putting it out there.  Until we meet again, may God Bless you with Love and Happiness.