Here’s the deal guys.  It’s Friday night.  It’s already late and I’m just now getting started on today’s issue. 

Why? 

Because it has been a tough week for me.  As you can well imagine.  But, there are a couple of emails and comments I wish to address with you right up front. 

First, from Stephen B. who writes…

So….?  1 out 10 people enjoy the prep for their colonoscopy.  Was that you?  GRIN! Hope all went well.

Yes.  All went well.  As I mentioned in my last issue, I believe.  I am walking away with good news I believe.  I still have not heard back from my doctor, so I am assuming that she hasn’t heard anything more of a report than I read. 

And…

NO!  I am NOT the 1 out of 10 who enjoy the prep, the procedure, the follow up or anything that has to DO with any of this!  I was pretty sure I made that abundantly clear in my last episode.  But, I do you know you are only teasing, even if just the question alone will now give me nightmares for a week, sir!  LOL!

And I think I will address some of the rest of this further into the episode.  So, what do you say we go ahead and

My wonderful friend Stephanie, whom I love dearly, sent me this GREAT Facebook clip from a guy named Jeff Allen called How My Marriage Was Saved.  Hilarious and touching at the same time.  Of course, due to the limitations of the space, I couldn’t share it with you, but when I searched for it, I found where it came from.  It came from a bit of his stand-up called Bananas.  So, I gave you the whole clip from that.  So you get even more laughs…and his testimony…and some seriousness.  It’s about 19 minutes long and well worth the watch.  Thanks Steph.

Okay, so for those of you who sat there and watched that, was I right?  And for those of you who didn’t, well…. you ought to.

And this one is from Lynn…and it’s quite good.

And this next one is from one of my oldest brothers behind the microphone.  Jonathon J.  This is another classic that most of you youngsters probably never heard before.

Portraits of famous dragons in history:  My uncle Tom.  He played the part of Smaug in all the Hobbit movies.  Remember the scene with all the gold in the cave?  Yeah, they filmed that in his actual home.

That happens to me      ALL     THE     TIME!!!

Spiral Aurora over Icelandic Divide
Image Credit & Copyright: Juan Carlos Casado (Starry Earth, TWAN)

Explanation: Admire the beauty but fear the beast. The beauty is the aurora overhead, here taking the form of a great green spiral, seen between picturesque clouds with the bright Moon to the side and stars in the background. The beast is the wave of charged particles that creates the aurora but might, one day, impair civilization. In 1859, following notable auroras seen all across the globe, a pulse of charged particles from a coronal mass ejection (CME) associated with a solar flare impacted Earth’s magnetosphere so forcefully that it created the Carrington Event. This assault from the Sun compressed the Earth’s magnetic field so violently that it created high currents and sparks along telegraph wires, shocking many telegraph operators. Were a Carrington-class event to impact the Earth today, speculation holds that damage might occur to global power grids and electronics on a scale never yet experienced. The featured aurora was imaged in 2016 over Thingvallavatn Lake in Iceland, a lake that partly fills a fault that divides Earth’s large Eurasian and North American tectonic plates.

Is that not a cool picture?  That was sent in by Stephanie, also.

That’s not really the best advertising

Okay, here is yet ANOTHER one that Stephanie sent me from Facebook that I found on YouTube…
although it’s a little more vulgar on YouTube than it was on Facebook, but it’s still funny

Attack on Israel by the cowardly and evil Hamas

Date 7 / 10 / 2023

7 + 10 + 20 + 23 = 60 —– If you look at enough dates in history, you can make numbers do whatever you want them to do.  Boy, if they had only waited 8 days … Come on, people!

A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change,  and then goes back and says to the cashier, “Hey, you gave me the wrong change!”

Cashier: “Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don’t make corrections after you leave. There’s nothing I can do about it now. That’s the policy of this bank !”

Customer: “Well, okay. Just thought you’d like to know you gave me twenty dollars too much. Bye. “

And I wish things like THAT would happen more often.  Not that people got money they didn’t deserve, but that people who jumped to conclusions, or who tried to cover their own butts so they didn’t have to do a little extra work, got their comeuppance a little more often.

Yes we can…and do…and don’t understand what the big deal is.

Our Detroit office

A long time uncontrolled diabetic developed serious sores on one leg. 

He was seen by an orthopedic surgeon at the local university hospital and was informed that the leg was gangrenous and would have to be amputated as soon as possible. 

He was hospitalized and the next morning was taken to surgery where by mistake the wrong leg was amputated. 

After the anaesthesia wore off and he was fully awake, the doctor came into his room to inform him of the problem. He was then told he would have to have the other leg amputated. 

The next day he was taken back into surgery and the bad leg was removed.. 

The patient, quite upset over the gross mistake, as soon as he was discharged from the hospital contacted a personal injury attorney who he informed of the surgical error. 

The lawyer listened carefully to him and then advised him, “I’m sorry but there’s nothing we can do about the unnecessary amputation. No court in the world would listen to you.” 

“Why not?” asked the diabetic. 

“Because,” answered the lawyer, “you don’t have a leg to stand on.” 

The company where my brother worked had a phone system that rerouted after-hours calls. 

If any calls came in on a certain line while he was working late, Dave knew it would be a wrong number.

It got to the point where, as soon as the phone rang, Dave would pick up and say, “Psychic Hotline. I’m sorry, but you’ve dialed the wrong number.” 

The caller would often reply with something like, “But I didn’t even ask to speak to anyone yet. How did you know I dialed the wrong . . . 
OH!” (Click) 

At the retreat, Jane and Bob were told to individually write a sentence using the words ‘sex’ and ‘love.’

Jane wrote: ‘When two mature people are passionately and deeply in love with one another to a high degree and that they respect each other very much, just like Bob and I, it is spiritually and morally acceptable for them to engage in the act of physical sex with one another.’

And Bob wrote:  ‘I love sex.’

“Badgers?  We don’t need no stinkin’ Badgers!”

During my training as a medical-group receptionist, I was told never to recommend one of our doctors over another, but simply state who had available appointments. 

One day a woman came in and looked at me conspiratorially. “I’m a nurse,” she whispered, “and I know the staff always knows which doctors are good and which aren’t. Who do you think I should see?” 

Knowing my supervisor was listening close by, I tried to sound most professional. “Oh, I’m sorry,” I replied. “I can’t recommend any of our doctors.” 

“Well, you must know!” she said, heading for the door. 

You are not allowed to do anything!!!!

Going back to comments real quick.  From Evan, who we’ve spoken with before, 

Seeing my 13-year-old son perusing a website filled with photos of Britney Spears, I commented, “She certainly is pretty. Which picture do you like best?”
 
“I don’t know,” he mumbled, embarrassed by his newfound interest in girls.” I’m just reading about her.”
 
I came closer and peered at the screen. “Oh, really?” I said. “So when did you learn to read Spanish?

It surprises me not at all that it is put up by the Department of Homeland Security.

No kidding!  There’s a really good reason why, according to Revelations, America isn’t mentioned at all in the end times.

What a classic!  What do you mean, “What classic?”  Don’t make me get the YouTube out!!!

That never gets old!

I got a letter from Joe in NJ today…

I just received this from my broker. Do you hold any of the following stocks?

Dear Sir:

We have been informed that you hold shares in the following companies:

American Can Co

Interstate Water Co.

National Gas Co.

Northern Tissue Co.

Due to the uncertain market conditions, at this present time, we advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas.

You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean.

Yours truly,

Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. “What’s going on?” Ed asked one of the crowd.

“We’re watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine,” he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. “Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet, and there’s a prize of $100 for anybody who can.

“I can do that,” Ed said confidently.

“You can’t,” said Ted. “You’ll get yourself killed if you try and ride that thing.”

“Watch this,” said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine. The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine’s back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd.

He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted.

“Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that?” Ted asked.

“Remember three months ago,” Ed said. “When your wife had whooping cough…?”

And smell numbers.

Before setting off on a business trip to London, I called the hotel where I’d be staying to see if they had a gym.
 
The hotel operator’s sigh had a tinge of exasperation in it.
 
We have over 300 guests at this facility,” she said.
 
“Does this ‘Gym’ have a last name?”

OUCH!!!!!!

“If you ever spent a Sunday with me instead of playing golf I swear I would drop dead,” she screamed.

“There’s no point in trying to bribe me,” replied the husband.

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.” 

Dennis Wholey (1939-)

Before the crowd was dismissed from church Sunday, the preacher ask if anyone knew everything in the Bible. 

A cute little four-year-old swiftly remarked, ” I do… There’s a picture of my baby sister, one of my curls, and a Pizza Hut coupon!” 

Two cab drivers met. “Hey,” asked one, “Why did you paint one side of your cab red and the other side blue?”

“Well,” the other responded, “When I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other.”

Yup, me too!

Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. 

After introductions, the first golfer asked, “What’s your handicap?” 

“Oh, I’m a scratch golfer,” the other replied. 

“Really!” exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. 

“Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones 

Working for a pediatrician calls for stifling a chuckle from time to time.

When a frantic mother phoned to tell us her baby had a high temperature of 102, we had to know whether she was taking the reading under the arm, in the mouth or elsewhere.

So we asked, “How are you taking it?”

Her reply, “Oh, I’m holding up pretty well!”

It was the wise custom at the retirement home to pair the old couples, and then send them out for dinner and a movie, or other entertainment. This one night, Michael who was 84, was paired with Sandra who was 86.

A few hours later, Sandra returned to the Home and was she angry!

“What happened that you should be so upset, Sandra?”, the attendant asked her.

“Coming back with that silly old man Michael, I had to slap him three times while we were riding back in the cab.”

“Oh that’s terrible…and at his age too. Michael ought to be ashamed of himself, making passes at you.”

“Passes???”, Sandra said, “he didn’t make passes. I had to slap him three times to see if he was asleep or dead.”

And with THAT cartoon, it’s time for me to go, too. 

I hope you had as much fun as I did.  And may God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.  And remember…