So, today is Sunday, and I’m prepping for the procedure tomorrow. Even though you aren’t reading this until Thursday, you should still be feeling sorry for me today. It was a very interesting day…as in, “May you live in interesting times.”
I received a comment on Saturday’s issue that I was going to reply to in the comment section but decided it was a good enough comment to share with the rest of you guys, so here it is:
I agree with your response. (Evan is talking about my Last Word in Saturday’s issue) I try and follow Dr. King’s Dream and judge by character and competence rather than any other factor.. I can’t say that I hate anyone, though there are some who, by their actions, have me loathing the ground they slither on.
BTW, where in Norther Indiana are you? I spent a chunk of my early childhood in Lansing, IL, right on the state line and I have fond memories of my folks driving us to the South Shore station in Hammond and taking the train to downtown Chicago rather than driving there.
Evan,
Agreed. There are some people who make it down-right impossible to reason with, much less forgive, love, etc. There are difficult commandments to follow. I’ve often maintained that each of us has a “better dead” list that, upon request, could be produced; and most right-thinking people would agree with. The problem with that, is we’re told that if you’ve thought the thought, you’ve as well as done the deed and are guilty of the sin. So, I know that there are still sins I must repent of and ask forgiveness for.
I am not that far north in Indiana as what you are describing. I live in the little town of Peru, population of 11,106 in 2021. And honestly, that probably counts all the farmers in the outlying areas. It is just north of Kokomo, and a little over an hour north of Indianapolis. If you look closely at a map of the local area you will see little towns with names such as Denver, Miami, Chili, Galveston, and a few others you might find familiar. It’s almost as if they ran out of original names and had to start over again. But, we also have the towns of Normal, Tin Cup, and on the other side of Indianapolis, one of my favorites, Gnaw Bone.
So, I just did a Google search for “Unusual town names in Indiana” and of the twelve that popped up, I know where most of them are. LOL! Just to satisfy your curiosity, here’s the list that Google came up with: Santa Claus, Gnaw Bone, Floyds Knob, Trafalgar, Loogootee, Russiaville, Toad Hop, Oolitic, Churubusco, Argos, Birdseye, and Young America. I will admit that I had never heard of Toad Hop, Oolitic, or Birdseye before. Makes me want to go and visit just so I can take a picture of like the Toad Hop country store or something.
And sadly, when you do a Google search for “Unusual town names in the USA”, not a single one of ours makes the list.
So, now that we’ve utterly exhausted that topic, let’s say we go and do what we’ve all come to this page to do in the first place…
Kind of…been used before in many different ways!
A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks for?”
St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.”
“Oh”, said the man. “Whose clock is that?”
“That’s Mother Teresa’s”, replied St. Peter. “The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.”
“Incredible”, said the man. “And whose clock is that one?”
St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.”
“Where’s President Biden’s clock?” asked the man.
St. Peter replied, “We’re using it as a ceiling fan”.
DAUGHTER: I have to use the bathroom.
ME: *pulls into rest stop*
DAUGHTER: Thanks.
ME: Make sure you’re back in 5 minutes.
DAUGHTER: I will.
ME: We accidentally left your brother behind once.
DAUGHTER: I don’t have a brother.
ME: Exactly.
Telling a woman to calm down works about as well as baptizing a cat.
Sometimes when those lights go out, in those remote locations, it’s really difficult to get them relit.
After being married for 30 years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while, then said, “You’re an alphabet wife…A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K.”
She asks, “What the heck does that mean?”
He said, “Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fabulous, Gorgeous, and Hot.”
She smiled happily and said, “Oh, that’s so lovely, but what about I, J, K?”
He said, “I’m Just Kidding!”
Memorial Service will be held Tuesday afternoon.
My kids say the want a cat for Christmas.
Normally I do a turkey, but hey, if it’ll make ’em happy…
My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She’s at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died!
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel!
Our security team can get you in so many different ways…
I was winning an argument with the wife, but then she took her top off…
I was speechless. It was a booby trap.
That is such an excellent cartoon!!!
The four types of fear:
1. Terror
2. Panic
3. Username or password is incorrect
4. “We’re out of coffee!”
Instead of a condom, I carry a moist towelette in my wallet.
The odds of me finding delicious chicken wings are far greater than my chances of getting laid.
So proud of our six year old son! He’s come out as a pirate. We’ve known since he was two months old.
Children’s Hospital agreed to pop out one of his eyes for his patch, slice off one of his hands for his hook, and saw off a leg for his pegging.
His pronouns are P and irate.
We ARGHHHH so proud.
HIS CHOICE
I had a thought, but unfortunately I had a second thought. They ricocheted off each other and now I can’t find either one anymore.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
Stephen B sent me a video that really cranked my nerves!!!! I found it on YouTube and this is the perfect place for it…right here in the middle of Politically Incorrect!
He sure is.
So, it’s now Tuesday. A couple of things have happened since we last talked. First of all, the one I’m sure you’re all wondering about, yes indeed, I had the barium enema yesterday, and overall I have to say, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
IT WAS A HUNDRED TIMES WORSE!!!!
Now I am so thankful that I’ve always been knocked out for a colonoscopy. The problem with this is that they need your active cooperation.
What do I mean by that?
Okay, you are on a table, they put a tube up your butt, the doctor said they blow up a balloon first. Now, I don’t know if that was a euphemism or for real, but I do know that it made me holler “OUCH!!!” in a very loud voice that I had to apologize for afterward. Then they pump in the barium solution, then some air, then more solution and air as needed.
Now, the doctor is looking at your intestines with a fluoroscope. A fluoroscope basically is just an X-ray that takes pulse pictures so it’s almost like watching a movie of your insides. Anyway, he can see where the dye is going and how it’s covering the insides of your intestines. He wants all the insides of your intestines coated so he has to move you around so that happens. So, while you have this painful tube shoved up inside of you, he has you roll around in a circle and when that doesn’t work, he starts moving the table up and down so you are either standing up on your feet or kind of standing on your head.
Once he feels like you are all nice and coated on the insides, he’s all done and then the technicians take over and they start taking real X-rays. Position you, run out of the room, hold your breath, beep, breath, run back in the room, reposition you, repeat.
Over and over and over again.
All with a painful tube shoved up your butt.
All with this horrible, excruciating, grinding, continuous need to poop pounding at your gut.
And although the doctor who just left was an older guy, about my age, all the technicians are women; three of them trainees I guess. Because he was explaining things to them the whole time. And then the X-ray tech who stayed to take all the films at the end…the thousands of films at the end…she was also young and female.
I suppose it’s a good thing the military uninstalled my modesty many years ago.
So yeah, 1 star, would not recommend.
We’ll discuss more stuff in a minute.
Hi again.
The other thing that happened yesterday was that Monday’s Dragon Laffs dropped and in that was my Dragon Rant about Hamas (which I found out recently is an acronym…I did not know that). I got a couple of messages that I found interesting. The first one from our dear friend in South Africa…
Good morning. Our “wonderful” president Cyril Ramaphosa, ANC leader and
President of South Africa, appeared on TV yesterday (Sunday 15th) wearing that distinctive shawl that Hamas members wear, saying that the government is supporting them and the people of Palestine 100%. They even had Leila Khaled making speeches in Johannesburg. (She was a hijacker with Arafat)
What little I know about him, that still doesn’t surprise me. There are so many people who are anti-sematic and who don’t understand what is really going on. There are so many people who just hate the Jews.
And Helen writes that she agrees about the protesters here…wherever “here” is, but we get the idea.
As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I print it on an allergy band placed on the patient’s wrists.
Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn’t eat bananas.
Imagine my surprise when several hours later a very irate son came out to the nurses’ station demanding, “Who’s responsible for labeling my mother ‘bananas’?”
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Right away he began flattering her outrageously.
The girl liked the young man, but she was taken aback by his fast and ardent pitch.
She was amazed when after 30 minutes he seriously proposed marriage.
“Look,” she said. “We only met a half hour ago. There is no way you could be so sure. We don’t know a thing about each other.”
“You’re wrong,” the young man declared. “For the past 5 years I’ve been working in the bank where your father has his accounts.
“Hello, you have reached an office that thought it was so smart getting all it’s employees cordless phones.
The person you are trying to reach is here right now, staring at me as I answer this call and searching desperately for their cordless phone in the mess on their desk.
It won’t matter if they find it since they didn’t leave it on the charger last night and the battery is dead. So you might as well leave a message with me and I’ll have them call you after the 4 hour handset recharge period is completed.”
A computer programmer, bored with his job, decided to start his own business. Wanting to do something totally different from his current occupation, he bought a mating pair of rheas and a large tract of land.
His rhea farm was soon doing a booming business as there appeared to be a great demand for the birds. Not being satisfied with just selling the birds, the rhea farmer started researching how the birds were being used. He found that all parts of the birds were being utilized, except the feathers. Nobody wanted the plainly colored rhea feathers.
The ex-programmer, now rhea farmer, purchased some equipment, technical people, and chemicals, and was soon selling fancy, colored rhea feathers. The resulting sales were amazing and made the new feather merchant very happy. There was one small problem.
The workers making the colored feathers were becoming quite ill. The concerned young man called in a number of doctors to determine the nature of the illness.
It was discovered that without exception, the workers had developed a severe case of… “dye a rhea.”
Everyone in the hotel was talking about the wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was only 23.
The groom looked pretty feeble, and some of the guests thought that the wedding night could kill the old man, because his bride was a healthy and vivacious young woman.
But the next morning, everyone was surprised to see the bride come down the main stairway slowly, step by step, and painfully bold-legged. She finally managed to hobble to the front desk.
The clerk looked very concerned, and he asked the bride, “What happened to you? You look like you just got done wrestling an alligator.”
“Oh my God,” said the bride. “He told me that he had been saving up for 75 years…
…I thought he meant his money!!”
Okay, for the record, I thought this next one was horribly misogynistic and sexist, but funny as heck, so I put it in here anyway and if it generates hate mail, then so be it. If we can’t laugh at ourselves, who can we laugh at. I’m happy to entertain opposing view points.
Women think they already know everything, but wait…training courses are now available for women on the following subjects:
1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before
2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits
3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits
4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game
5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too
6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His
7. Communication Skills I: Tears – The Last Resort, not the First
8. Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking
9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging
10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire
11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up
12. Introduction to Parking
13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space
14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat
15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter
16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption
17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People
18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully
19. PMS: Your Problem…Not His
20. Dancing: Why Men Don’t Like To
21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have
22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice
23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together
24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both
25. TV Remotes: For Men Only
I guess in certain places that could be a problem
Well, and I guess we’re running on a theme here…
Big Boobs vs. Little Boobs
Women with Big Boobs…
..can get a taxi on the worst days
..have men give them the best seats on a bus.
..have a neat place to carry spare change
..have always been the center of the arts (art)
..make jogging a spectator sport
..can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub
..have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them)
..usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie
..can always carry a little extra cash ..always float better
..know where to look first for lost earrings
..rarely lack for a slow dance partner
..have a place to set their glasses when sitting in an armless recliner
..never have to buy a car with airbags
..have a place to carry a extra beer
Women with Little Boobs…
..don’t cause a traffic accident every time they bend over in public
..always look younger
..find that dribbled food makes it to the napkin on their lap
..can always see their toes and shoes
..can sleep on their stomachs
..have no trouble sliding behind the wheel of small cars
..know that people can read the entire message on their T-shirts
..know that everything more than a handful is wasted
..can come late to a theater and not disrupt an entire aisle
..can take aerobic class without running the risk of knocking themselves out
..never be accused of having implants.
Okay, so I’ll go open up the complaint window. The line forms to the left.
And that’s it my friends. Until next time. May God Bless you and keep you until we meet again.
Dragon Laffs 
First of all, I appreciate your response and it does make sense. I know I’ve sins like that to repent of, and I, too, have a “better dead” list; though if you look at the “Law and the Prophets” some of them may not be sins – still, I know I need to repent.
That procedure sounds as bad as a prostate bipsy, where you have only a local anesthetic and a sampler and an ultrasonic signal generator up your rear and a ultrasound sensor on your lower abdomen. I ahd two of those, a year apart, before they decided the cancer was bad enough for a prostatectomy. Not, repeat *NOT* fun.
Moving on to odd place names, there’s a fair lot of them in Texas, Old Dimebox, New Dimebox, Knickerbaker (Pop. 25), and Buffalo Gap are ones that immediately come to mind. I know East Texas has both Paris and Palestine. I’m certain a google search cold find many others.
I have been through hundreds of tests, but not a Barium Enema. I don’t believe I will EVER consent to that!
sorry for you!