You know, it’s amazing.
Sometimes I spend 30 minutes, up to several hours working on the header at the top of an issue, sometimes I just use an old one. I have, as of right now, 488 headers on file to choose from. And mostly they are used and forgotten about. But that is, say an hour of my time that I will never get back. I often wonder if you guys get any entertainment value out of the headers that I put together or whether I’m wasting my time.
I KNOW that my artistic skills are definitely NOT what draws you guys in. And I KNOW that I haven’t been putting my literary skills to the edge like I know I can. But, it’s hard when I only have a couple of hours to put out an issue to give you guys something to laugh at, something to ponder over, and maybe a little message to think about at the same time.
I JUST finished Monday’s issue and I immediately jumped on Thursday’s issue, this issue, so that I might get a little ahead because I never know what my week is going to bring me.
I should be okay this week with Monday being a holiday, but if someone reaches out and needs some extra counseling or something, then I have to respond. I have darts on Tuesday night, my on base Grief Group that I lead on Wednesday lunch time and Jail Ministry Wednesday night. Thursday night is the other group for Living Free and I’m working this weekend so I’m going to end up missing Men’s Breakfast on Saturday and Church on Sunday. So, I try to fit Dragon Laffs in where I can. A couple of hours here and a couple of hours there. LOL.
I need to retire so that I have more time to do other stuff.
And since I just started this one after the last one, I don’t have an update on donations right now, so let’s move on to the laughs, shall we?
A New York businessman buys a newspaper, glances at the front page, throws it away.
Next day, he does the same thing. This goes on for days.
Eventually, the newspaper guy asks, “Why do you keep doing that?”
“Oh, I’m just checking for an obituary”
“But obituaries aren’t even on the front page!”
“Oh, the one I’m looking for will be.”
My new girlfriend and I were traveling to meet my parents, when she got a flat tire.
So I called my parents and said, “Sorry mom, we’re going to be late. My girlfriend’s got a puncture!”
“Oh!” she sighed, “I thought you had a real one this time!”
“I’m gonna put this somewhere safe” is an ancient incantation that opens a portal to a random point in another timeline, through which all safely kept things travel, never to be seen again.
Which is EXACTLY how we should all react.
“Easy, Sweetheart. Wait for it. We will have our time. These walls, too will come down.”
I was going to do that for my Dad when I was about that age…I don’t remember what stopped me. Probably the back of my father’s hand.
OK, it’s official now. I’m getting old! The other day I was walking back to the car at the grocery store. I had finished the shopping, and was heading home.
As I exit the door, coming into the store was this smoking hot nineteen, maybe twenty-year-old, blond. Man, she was hot! Pure Tabasco sauce could not be hotter.
My thoughts? “I wonder if her mother looks anything like that?
I went to the Doctor yesterday and got my meds changed and also got some new meds. I also had to take a shot in the butt! Anyway, I have to go back in six weeks to see if there is any change. She told me that she wanted me to bring in a stool sample so today I’m heading to Trine to sign up for a basic wood working class…
I know I’m getting old, it’s starting to take too much effort to even procrastinate.
I wonder if that’s what she was fishing for?
Gig and his golfing pals were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
Danny fumed, “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!”
Norm chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”
Bill said, “Here comes the greens-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”
He said, “Hello George, What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The greens-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!”
The group fell silent for a moment. Danny told the greens keeper, “That’s so sad. I think I’ll talk to my distributors about doing a fundraiser for them.”
Bill added, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist friend and see if there is anything possible she can do for them.”
Gig asked, “Why can’t they play at night?”
Over and over and over again.
One thing I have learned is……Indecision is the key to flexibility.
(And to all my Air Force brethren out there, we know that…) Flexibility is the key to Air Power. So, using the transitive power of logic (If A=B and B=C, then A=C), therefore, Indecision is the key to Air Power. …Somehow I don’t think that’s right…
Okay, so in my head that was funny.
Okay, our good buddy Joe from NJ sent this to me as a straight video, but as you guys know, I can’t send you guys videos, I have to find it on YouTube…which I did. This is one of the GREATEST videos I’ve ever seen. This squirrel fakes his own death. Truly amazing. Even sets up the murder scene. You’ve got to watch this. Thanks brother Joe for sending this one along.
And here’s ANOTHER cool video. This one sent in by our brother Sasquatch. I was able to find THIS one on YouTube as well. This is a Guinness World Record setting, Fourth of July Drone show, using 1,000 drones, breaking their own record from I believe the year before or maybe two years before. It’s a cool video.
The missus has just come into the living room wearing a skimpy little number, fishnets, and high heels.
She handed me a cold beer and told me to sit down, relax, and when she comes back, she’ll give me, “What she does best.”
I can’t wait…
I bloody love Shepherd’s Pie
I want to apologize to everyone for the bad puns.
~Noah Fence
Stephen B. sent me this video, it took me a little while to find it on YouTube and when I did, I actually found a longer version which gave a much better explanation. I decided to include it here in the Political section because it is sort of political, only because so many people seem to be making the topic political, when in all honesty, it is just silly. Here, you can see for yourself how it is the people who have no dog in the fight are taking offense at something that doesn’t EVEN CONCERN THEM.
I’ve taken to occasionally wearing my “Faith” shirt or my “God is my Father and Veterans are my brothers” hat or something similar out in public lately hoping that someone will tell me that they find what I’m wearing “triggering” or some other new age thing so that I can offer to pray with them about it. Just to see what kind of a reaction I get. I really, really, really want this to happen. LOL! LOL!
The World
The world is increasingly designed to depress us. Happiness isn’t very good for the economy. If we were happy with what we had, why would we need more? How do you sell an anti-ageing moisturizer? You make someone worry about ageing. How do you get people to vote for a political party? You make them worry about immigration. How do you get them to buy insurance? By making them worry about everything. How do you get them to have plastic surgery? By highlighting their physical flaws. How do you get them to watch a TV show? By making them worry about missing out. How do you get them to buy a new smartphone? By making them feel like they are being left behind.
To be calm becomes a kind of revolutionary act. To be happy with your own non-upgraded existence and to be comfortable with our messy, human selves would not be good for business.
~ Matt Haig
We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again:
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
~ Robert Heinlein
It’s such a small word, but works perfectly in this, and many similar situations…NO!
A LICENSE IS WHAT YOU GET WHEN THE GOVERNMENT STEALS YOUR RIGHTS AWAY FROM YOU AND THEN SELLS THEM BACK.
Some people are going to need things to get a lot more crazier and a lot more obvious before they begin to question anything and start down the path of awakening.
For the rest of us, it’s a painful experience to interact with these people and witness their attachment to the illusion.
God Bless everyone in Florida today. Don’t worry, Joe will be down in a few weeks after his next vacation to tell you the story about the two rolls of toilet paper he lost when his tub overflowed in 1978.
I heard on the news the other day that, so far in his presidency, Joe Biden has been on vacation 40% of his time in office. I think we can stop complaining about Trump playing golf.
I feel her pain
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane?
They mostly wrap
As a young child my mother told me I can be anyone I want to be.
Turns out this is called Identity Theft.
THAT is disgusting! I like corndogs…not anymore.
Dear Olive Oil,
You’re either a Virgin or you are not. There’s no such thing as “Extra Virgin”, Okay?!
When she hops on top and both knees pop…
That’s 4 wheel drive locking in.
She’s got a valid point.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that jerk.
If really good-looking people are “eye candy” I guess that puts me somewhere around the “eye broccoli” category.
Okay, here’s a late arrival from Joe
And it’s called: “They Just Keep Getting Longer”
And I’m really afraid to show this one. LOL!
Okay, Phew! Thanks Joe!
I have been nominated to a “25 pushups a day for 25 days” challenge.
I blocked that person.
Okay, this takes the whole “We were so poor” jokes to a whole new level:
We were so poor growing up, we had to wait outside a KFC and lick other people’s fingers when they came out.
Drop the mic, leave the stage.
NO! Don’t attack while they are distracted! That is just so wrong on so many levels. LOL! But it is funny. LOL!
Anyway, that’s it for today, my friends. And from the time I started this morning until now, I have gotten two more donations, so I’d like to thank …
Jonathon J. and Philip S.
I deeply appreciate each and every one of you guys. Thank you so much for all that you do to support what I do. It is very much appreciated. There is still time for the rest of you to donate…buy me a cup of coffee, I only ask this one time a year. Just when the bills come due. Then I won’t bother you again until this time next year. That’s the deal. There are a few donations that come trickling in here and there throughout the year and I do truly appreciate those as well, and I normally point those out when it happens. And then very rarely, we run a special campaign where we try to raise money for a special project that hits me hard…something that I think might also hit you guys hard. Normally having to do with Veterans or cancer or homelessness. Homeless Veterans with Cancer was the last one we did, I think…no, I’m kidding. No, I think the last one you guys gave so generously to out of the norm was for my dear Mary’s funeral expenses. And I’m rambling because I’m tired, but I don’t want to put this away, so let me just say, thanks again for all that you guys do. May God Bless you all with Love and Happiness and remember…
Dragon Laffs 
I like the one with Data and the doctor.
Too many people can’t just do that.
Also, Biden has already been to Hawaii and Florida. And DeSantis refused to meet with him. You need to see what Chris Christie said about that and DeSantis voting against federal funds for Hurricane Sandy.
And I don’t know where you get his being on vacation 40% of the time.
How are you coming on the funds?
You didn’t say if you were ok or needed more still.