I immediately closed the last issue and opened up this one.  But, isn’t that the way it usually works going from one issue to the next, never being done with one issue before you …

um .. oh. 

Hold on. 

I’m being told that that is not the kind of issues we’re talking about.  …

OH!  Ezine Issues!

Oh, well yeah, that, too. 

I have a lot on my plate right now.  (And I’m not just talking about this pizza, either)  So, you’ll have to excuse me if I seem a little distracted. 

Distracted could be my middle name. 

Impish Distracted Dragon. 

Would make a cool monogram, right?

IDD. 

Okay, so never mind. Let’s get back to where we were.  Where we started from.  I immediately started this episode from where I left off on the last episode.  It would be way cool to get one more in the bank before I left.  Then I could concentrate on other things while I’m gone and not let you guys down.  So, let’s jump into some laughter and see where this takes us…

I want to throw a snow blower in the back of my truck and drive south until someone says, “What the heck is that thing?”  and then that’s where I will live.

Hey!  I know that guy!

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days.

I said it must be my weekend immune system.

Do I really need to put any emphasis on this?  Kids are back in school.  Stop for the buses when the sign is out!  It’s important.  There is no excuse.

ar gu ment /noun/:  A discussion that occurs when you’re right, and continues until he realizes it.

And this one is JUST AS cute.

Cacoethes (16th century) Irresistible urge to do something inadvisable.  

So pretty much a normal day for Impish Dragon

This is such an EXCELLENT Quote!!

Facebook has taught me a couple of things.  First, there are some incredibly brilliant people in the world.  Second, they are vastly outnumbered.

The older I get, the more I regret all the people I’ve lost over the years.

Maybe being a trail guide wasn’t such a great idea after all.

And you think bicycle messengers are fast.  You ain’t seen fast!

Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition?  So, they loaded a severed peasant’s head onto a trebuchet and fired it.  By sheer luck, it hit the Duke’s son and knocked him off the battle field. 

Yeah, apparently it was the first ever serf face to heir missile.

In STAR WARS anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it.

I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.

Some of you should carry a plant around your neck to replace the oxygen you waste every day.

On Dateline, it’s always the person who “lit up the room” that gets murdered.

I’m glad I’m grouchy and unapproachable.

Fact Of The Day:

The Word “Ferret”

Have you ever wondered what the meaning of the word “ferret” is?  Admit it, you know you have.  The word ferret comes from the Latin word furitius, which means little thief.

If you’re happy and you know it, stay in bed.
If you’re happy and you know it, stay in bed.
If you’re happy and you know it, getting up will surely blow it.
If you’re happy and you know it, stay in bed.

The democrats are correct:
Outside of the bank records, the suspicious activity reports, the wire transfers, the Privat bank transactions, the LLCs, the texts, the emails, the WhatsApp messages, the photos of Joe with Hunter’s business partners, the voicemails to his son, the two business partners saying Joe is the “brand,” the “big guy,” and “the chairman,” the two whistleblowers testimony, the recorded phone calls between Biden and Poroshenko, the video of Joe Biden bragging about firing the Ukrainian prosecutor, and Hunter’s statements that he’s giving his dad half his income, there is NO evidence of Joe Biden being involved.

And THAT is an American hero, and where we’ll end this section for today.  You know, just to get the nasty taste out of our mouth.

OH MY GAWD!!!

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

I would enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

Now you understand why Peter Pan didn’t want to grow up.

I’m not looking for a job but I send out applications periodically just so I can ask about the salary range and tell them it’s too low no matter what it is.  Doing my part to get the rest of you paid well.

Chuck Norris walks into a bar.

The bar says “Ouch”

I’ve noticed that there’s more sex, filth and nakedness on the TV these days than ever before…especially when the wife has gone out!

One day Jack didn’t show up at the park.  Bob didn’t think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something.

But after Jack hadn’t shown up for a week or so, Bob really got worried.  However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Bob didn’t know where Jack lived so he was unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Bob figured he had seen the last of Jack, but one day, Bob approached the park and — lo and behold — there sat Jack!

Bob was very excited and happy to see him and told him so.  Then he said, “For crying out loud Jack, what in the world happened to you?”

Jack replied, “I’ve been in jail.”

“Jail!” cried Bob.  “What in the world for?”

“Well,” Jack said, “you know Jane, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometimes go?”

“Yeah,” said Bob, “I remember her.  What about her?”

“Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded ‘guilty’.  The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury.”

We’ve probably all been the recipient of a butt-dial before.  Usually, it’s nothing particularly concerning unless the sound of the inside of a purse or a sports bar happy hour is terrifying to you.  But for a man identified only as “Elijah,” he fired off one of the unluckiest butt-dials in history as far as both recipients and content are concerned.  He unknowingly dialed 911, where the operator then heard him playing the video game Rainbow Six: Siege, as he barked triumphantly into his headset that he’d “killed two.”

A couple of minutes later, Elijah was treated to some real life CQB experience as a SWAT team showed up at his house investigating what they thought might have been a double homicide.  Luckily, once they realized that the only murder he’d ever committed was virtual in service of video-game objectives, everyone was left unharmed.

I gotta admit, that I laughed so hard when I read this that I scared the dogs.

My wife told me I’ve grown as a person.

Her actual words were “you’ve gotten fat,” but I know what she meant.

And that my dear friends is the end of another one.  Until we meet again, which may or may not be on Saturday, we’ll have to see what happens.  May God Bless you with Love and Happiness.  Be well my dear friends.