Well, its still Saturday and I just finished Monday’s episode and knowing the way the week is going to go, I thought t’would be best I begin Today’s endeavor anon. 
T’would? 
T’wood? 
2wood?
AlsoWood? 
AlsoTree?
AnotherTree?
Two Trees?
A Forest?
I thought a forest be best I begin….that doesn’t work at all!!! 
What in the world is going on here?!?!
I think I broke my brain. 
So….
No!  No needles, no thread!
Moving on!

I’ve gotten some very nice comments.  Let’s look at a couple of them, shall we?
We shall!
Open the Shally Port!
(Oh dear, Impish is broken!)

Let’s start with the oldest one first…

I can remember when that film came out in 1971.  I was 12 or 13 years old when I first saw it and I can remember thinking, very specifically remember thinking, that little girl is going to get spanked by her parents.  And then I was actually disappointed in Hollywood when she wasn’t.  I thought they were trying to portray how a child becomes a spoiled brat, by NOT being properly punished and that SOMEBODY needed to give her a good whack on the bottom.  And it’s funny that I can still remember that now.

I’m not exactly sure where this picture came from, whether this is the one that a buddy sent me of his son/grandson or it’s one that I got from one of you guys and truthfully, it doesn’t really matter.  What matters is that it is absolutely ADORABLE!!

If she says she’s crazy, she’s probably harmless.  The real crazy ones never give you a single clue.

I hate it when people ask me, “Are you a dog or a cat person?”
I will pet a crocodile if I know the little sucker won’t bite me.

Okay, I was gonna throw the BS flag on this one…

But then I thought…it just might be…so after a quick search on line, this is what I found:

Butt (unit)

So, in one little article we see that the butt, the hogshead, the pipe, and the tun are all units of measure not to be confused with the imperial gallon, the US gallon, the litre, or the liter.  Sure!  It’s all perfectly clear to me now, thanks.

I hate when people can’t let go of the past.

Debt Collectors are the worst.

This issue of Dragon Laffs is AMAZING!

When I see rich, snooty looking women at the grocery store, I pretend I need something and say, “Excuse me, do you work here?” just to help keep things real.

FINALLY found a reasonably priced mechanic who I actually trusted and now I have to find a new one. 
Sat outside his garage ready for war since 7:30am waiting for him to arrive at 8 because there’s been a banging in the car since he fitted shocks on my car 2 weeks ago.  After 10 minutes he handed me a can of Heinz beef broth that had been rattling around in the trunk.  He even took a photo of it which is bound to end up on his website.  If he names me I’m selling my house and leaving the country.  Bye.

Having had seven of those bad boys, I gotta say, that’s one heck of a way to pass!

I will never get the hang of gardening.
Steak is beef, but beefsteak is tomato.
And garden stakes hold plants up.
Tomatoes are grown in cages, but eggs are cage free.
Cabbages and lettuce have heads.
Corn has ears.
Potatoes have eyes.
Beanstalk.
Summer squashes but Winter peas.
Good gourd! It makes me want to wet my plants and soil myself!

Yes, it can!  You have been warned!

More trees from the Dragon Forest.

The problem with being an Uber Driver, is that there are times you show up and your fare has disappeared.

That is absolutely ingenious advertising. 

I was abducted by aliens.  They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables. 

Turns out I was on the mothership.

This one is sent by our own dear Leah…

Small businesses need your help and this is one way to help ourselves too. Pull small draws of cash out at a time and use that instead of tap, credit, etc.

When this is put into perspective, imagine what each retailer is paying on a monthly basis in fees at 3% per transaction through their POS machine.

If they have, for example, $50,000 in sales & 90% are by Card, they are paying $1500 in fees in ONE Month. $18,000 in a year! That comes out of their income every month.

That would go a long way to helping that small business provide for its family!

Once Ishwarchandra Vidyasagar, Bengali poet and scholar, jokingly asked Michael Madhusudhan Dutt, an Anglophile poet of great repute, “As you are a Master in English, can you make a sentence without using a single ‘E’?”

Dutt, the genius, wrote this:
“I doubt I can.  It’s a major part of many, many words.  Omitting it is as hard as making muffins without flour.  It’s as hard as spitting without saliva, napping without a pillow, driving a train without tracks, sailing to Russia without a boat, washing your hands without soap.  And, anyway, what would I gain?  An award?  A cash bonus?  Bragging rights?  Why should I strain my brain?  It’s not worth it.”

Absolutely brilliant!

I overheard a lady saying she won’t let her kid watch Peppa Pig because it encourages bad behavior like “jumping in puddles”.  I watched Road Runner as a kid and I haven’t blown anyone up with dynamite … yet.

Why English is Hard to Learn

We’ll begin with box; the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox is oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is goose, and two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose is never called meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a house full of mice;
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.
The plural of man is always men,
But the plural of pan is never pen.

If I speak of a foot, and you show me two feet,
And I give you a book, would a pair be a beek?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t two booths be called beeth?

If the singular’s this and the plural is these,
Should the plural of kiss be ever called keese?

We speak of a brother and also of brethren.
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him;
But imagine the feminine…she, shis, and shim!

I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.

I usually smoke Marlboro but hey…a deal’s a deal.

Why is it that no one is ever the right amount of whelmed?

What if, when you forget what you were going to say, it’s the author back spacing?

My mom kept trying to cheat at Scrabble, but I wooden letter.

That’s not what we call it…

My dog would throw a fit!!!

Awww, and it even comes with little play cigarettes.

I always double-check our garage door is closed at night.  I don’t want someone stealing all the stuff we’ve been trying to get rid of for years.

When life gives you lemons, give the lemons back.
Why were the lemons free?  Is something wrong with the lemons?  Are the lemons haunted?
Be suspicious of the lemons.

A LOT of you are not going to get that one.  That was old when I was young.  Okay, maybe not THAT bad.  Says it was released in 1972…only 51 years ago…HOLY CRAP!!!  That was 51 years ago.  Half a freakin’ century ago!

[Sky-diving]
Instructor:  Pull your chute!
Me:  My shoe?
Instructor:  Your parachute!
Me:  My pair of shoes?
[later]
Coroner:  Where’s his shoes?

Me:  I’m thinking about taking a trip.
Bank Account:  I highly suggest that trip be to work.

His moustache.

McDonalds called out order 867 and I yelled 5309.
Nobody laughed.
Then I felt old and ate my burger in the playground area.

My wife went to bed early and the dogs and I are not sure who’s in charge now.

I’m not sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then.

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque.

It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it.

The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the little boy, and said quietly, “Good morning, Alex.”

“Good morning, Pastor,” he replied, still focused on the plaque.  “Pastor, what is this?”

The pastor replied, “Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.”

Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Finally, little Alex’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked, “Which service, the 8:00 or the 10:30?”

Nutritionist:  You should eat 1200 calories a day.

Me:  Okay, and how many at night?

And that is it my friends.  I hope you got as much enjoyment out of this one as I did.  May God Bless you and keep you until next time.