And just like that! [snapping of the fingers or talons if you are a dragon] we are passed the big issue number 2200 and now we have another ninety-nine to go before we reach another milestone.  Although, I suppose one could make a case for 2250 or even 2222…ahhh, the loveliness of numbers.  Aren’t they all just so…um…lovely.

Okay, so if it isn’t obvious, I’m reaching for something to start the conversation off with.  I shut my cable TV off because the only thing I was watching was the news and I was getting sick and tired of paying $136 a month for depression.  Izzy found us the Paramount + app for the TV which gets us all the shows we were slightly interested in watching for $4.99 a month and we end up saving $131 a month.  And no, I don’t miss it at all.  I read most of the time anyway.  The only thing I think I’m going to miss is NFL football this fall, but I can live without that.

So, let’s get started on the fun part of this and then we’ll move on to other stuff as the show goes on.

A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl? 
B: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter. 
A: Oh, I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know that you were her father. 
B: I’m not. I’m her mother 

Boy, ain’t that the truth.  And the reason we have “dudes like that” is because some parent some where didn’t get their butt beat enough when THEY were a kid.

At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake’s edge and yelled through his megaphone, “Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up.” Several minutes passed, but the boat didn’t return. “Boat number 99,” he again hollered, “return to the dock immediately or I’ll have to charge you overtime.” 

“Something is wrong here, boss,” his assistant said. “We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99.” 

The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: “Boat number 66,” he yelled. “Are you having trouble out there?”

Amen!  The only one you need fear is God!  And when you do, you will fear no one else.

This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring and passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, “You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.” 

So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, “I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. Dey make you wild at sex like great desert camels”. Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn’t need them, being the sex god that he was. The husband asked the man, “How could sandals make you into a sex freak?” The Pakistani man replied, “Just try dem on, Saiheeb.” 

Well, the husband after much badgering from his wife, finally conceded to try them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes; something his wife hadn’t seen in many years – raw sexual power. 

In a blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Pakistani man, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants and grabbed a firm hold on the Pakistani’s thighs. The Pakistani then began screaming, “YOU HAVE DEM ON DE WRONG FEET!” 

“Who put this miserable highway where my home used to be?!  You leave for a few hundred years to visit relatives and when you come back, everything is changed!  HOW DARE THEY!!!”

This guy goes out with his buddies for a night on the town and they cap off the festivities by going to a house of ill repute. 

A week later, the guy visits his doctor complaining of a large green lump on the end of his penis. 

The doctor does a thorough exam, then pulls down a weighty medical book and flicks through it till he finds what he’s looking for. He looks up and says, “I’m afraid this is serious. We’ll have to operate!” 

“Operate?”, exclaims the fellow, “Why, Doc? What’s the problem?” 

“Well, you know how boxers can get a cauliflower ear? You’ve developed the same sort of thing. You’ve got a brothel sprout.”

No, I can’t do Snap Chat, or Tik Tok, but I can write in cursive, do math without a calculator, drive a stick shift, and tell time on a clock with hands.

Nah!  For a dumbass who breaks into the house, I don’t need to call 911, I need to call 811.
811?  Why do you need to call 811, Impish?
‘Cause I’m gonna need to know where I can dig.

Without Freedom of Speech, we would not know who the idiots are.

“Father, you need to kill him!”

I’ve never been sky diving, but I’ve zoomed in on Google Earth really fast.

I own two shirts and some neckwear that used to belong to a guy who was in The Mamas & The Papas.

All the sleeves are brown, and the tie is grey.

Before you ask why someone hates you, ask yourself why you even care.

I’d like to say a very special thank you to 

Joseph H.     and     Henry S.

Who have both recently made very special donations outside of donation season.  Your kindness and generosity know no boundaries and are deeply appreciated.  Thank you. As I’ve said before, Dragon Laff Campers are the very best!!

If that’s the case, I have been killed many times and in some really weird ways…and that’s all I’m saying.

Mother: “Did you enjoy your first day at school?” 

Girl: “First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?”

There was a history professor and a psychology professor sitting on a deck at a nudist colony.  

The history professor asked the psychology professor, “Have you read Marx?” 

The psychology professor replied, “Yes, I think they are from the wicker chairs.” 

No kidding!!!!

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totalling a substantial amount of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill was still outstanding. 

The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying “We are unable to ship your new order until payment is received for the last one.” 

The following day, the collections manager received a collect phone call, “Please cancel the order. We are unable to wait that long.” 

Storming into his lawyer’s office, a Texas oil tycoon demanded that divorce proceeding begin at once against his young wife.

“What’s the problem?”

“I want to hit that adulteress bitch for breach of contract,” snapped the magnate.

“I don’t know if that’ll fly,” replied the lawyer. “I mean, your wife isn’t a piece of property, you do not own her.”

“Damn right,” the tycoon rejoined “but I sure as hell expect exclusive drilling rights!”

Heck, I know that one!

Storming Into the drugstore first thing Monday morning, the young man slammed a carton and a receipt down on the counter.  

“I came In here on Friday and purchased twelve dozen condoms,” he yelled at the druggist. “Well  I counted them. There’s only eleven dozen here.” 

Regarding the man square in the eye, the druggist said contritely, “So sorry  sir, to have ruined your weekend.

And that’s it my friends.  I have to call it quits.  I’ve got to get ready for my Jail Ministry and have too much to do.  May God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.